Male Poets Who Would Probably Make Good Porn Stars

Okay, DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that I feel a sexual attraction to any of these living or dead poets, nor am I implying that I feel they are well-endowed, nor would I speculate whether they would function best in gay (nor do I speculate upon top, bottom or versatile) or straight or unclassifiable porn...just that I get a distinctly PORN VIBE from the following poets. I'm just thinking "Who would Chi Chi LaRue or Suze Randall see potential in, in the poetry world?" I think they would focus in on these...

(No particular order)

1. ROBERT PINSKY....look at a black and white photo and you'll see the potential. The voice is tremendous but would be a distraction in porn. He'd have to be silent. New Jersey can bring it.

2. JOE BRAINARD. Being Texan only helps in this regard.

3. TODD SWIFT. But Hungarian porn only. The man would possess an amazing energy. I mean look at how many continents he regularly publishes on. Plus, I wanted a Canadian on my list and b.p. nichol was too retiring.

4. JOSHUA MARIE WILKINSON. The "Marie" part would be a total mind-fuck to regular porn-consumers who are not used to a man having the name "Marie." 95% of porn consumers do not read Rilke. Most poets of course are pornophiles who of course do read Rilke.

5. EZRA POUND. And he doesn't even need to change his surname. Pound is a good sexual word. The first name, of course, has to go. Maybe "Johnny?" "CLINT?" And then you hear "clit" if it's said quickly enough. We'll have him keep the goatee.

6. CATULLUS. Well, versatile we know for sure. And sure to have a bad attitude. That can work.

7. MICHAEL PALMER. I needed a L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poet (okay but he ALMOST is one) and he looks like Alec Baldwin (circa 1988) on the back of the paperback edition of Notes for Echo Lake.

8. SERGEI ESENIN. Yes. I definitely need a Russian. That is a good marketing angle, although Eastern Europe is more exploited these days.

9. FRANK O'HARA. Somehow one senses little coaxing would be needed for this one.

10. CLARK COOLIDGE. Mesh convinced me.

11. ROBERTO TEJADA. No doubts.

12. ARTHUR RIMBAUD/PAUL VERLAINE. They will work as a team, sort of like Colton Ford and Blake Harper.