WALT WHITMAN, WALT WHITMAN (called to the tune of "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman")

WALT WHITMAN THINKS EVERYTHING IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

PANTHEISM IS OLD SCHTICK.

WALT WHITMAN WAS CLEARLY A SEX ADDICT.

TO WIT...

Twenty-eight young men bathe by the shore;
Twenty-eight young men, and all so friendly:
Twenty-eight years of womanly life, and all so lonesome.

She owns the fine house by the rise of the bank;
She hides, handsome and richly drest, aft the blinds of the window. 195

Which of the young men does she like the best?
Ah, the homeliest of them is beautiful to her.

Where are you off to, lady? for I see you;
You splash in the water there, yet stay stock still in your room.

Dancing and laughing along the beach came the twenty-ninth bather; 200
The rest did not see her, but she saw them and loved them.

The beards of the young men glisten’d with wet, it ran from their long hair:
Little streams pass’d all over their bodies.

An unseen hand also pass’d over their bodies;
It descended tremblingly from their temples and ribs. 205

The young men float on their backs—their white bellies bulge to the sun—they do not ask who seizes fast to them;
They do not know who puffs and declines with pendant and bending arch;
They do not think whom they souse with spray.


THE HAND IS REALLY WALT. HE IS REALLY THE 'WOMANLY LIFE.'

IT IS A SHAME THEY DID NOT HAVE BATHHOUSES IN WALT'S TIME.

THIS IS THE BATHHOUSE OF THE MIND.

I LIKE SEX ADDICTS.

THIS IS STILL A PRETTY POEM. WALT COULD BE QUITE FILMIC, AS HE IS HERE.

HE'S PROBABLY THE MOST BISEXUAL-FRIENDLY POET IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

WALT WHITMAN DID MANAGE TO TURN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE INTO SHROOMS.

WALT'S ENGLISH IS MORE THAN SLIGHTLY LYSERGIC.

WALT WHITMAN IS SEXUALLY VIBRATING STILL.

WALT WHITMAN IS LIKE BOROFSKY'S MAN MADE OUT OF HOLES BUT THEY'RE ALL SEXUAL AND PULSATING.

THE WORLD IS NOT A CONSTANT ANNUNCIATION.

DEATH IS NOT A POETIC CAESURA, WALT.

WELL, NOBODY CAN PROVE ANYTHING.

BUT YOU KNOW.

WALT WHITMAN'S POETRY IS A HALLUCINOGENIC PACIFIER FOR THE HUMAN SPIRIT.

THERE ARE WORSE THINGS TO BE.

IF WALT WHITMAN WERE BORN IN THE 21st CENTURY, HE WOULD SLEEP MOSTLY WITH RAPPERS.

HE WOULD WEAR A SEVENTIES-RETRO-LOOKING SWEAT SUIT WITH GREAT IRONY...SORT OF LIKE MISSY ELLIOT.

HE WOULD BE ALMOST HOT.

HE WOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT THE DOWN LOW.

HE WOULD HAVE A TAX ACCOUNTANT BUT DISLIKE HIMSELF FOR HAVING ONE.

HE WOULD STILL LIKE THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY.