The Eisenstein Gambit, Harrisburg Style

i fell asleep.

but my computer stayed on and aol didn't kick me off.

no, i didn't fall asleep at my computer. silly.

i was watching the news.

someone in harrisburg (or lancaster or york...i missed the beginning) was driving along and a baby carriage rolled out in front of their car. they slammed on the brakes. they got out of the car because no screaming mother came running after the baby. when they got out of the car and approached the carriage somebody "kicked them in the head" (what a show off!) and then they were mugged. the baby carriage was apparently empty but they had learned from director sergei eisenstein that all the world's eyes will follow a baby carriage ready to be fucked up. i say check all the fucking film students in the area. film students on crack. those are your most likely suspects.

it's good not to know people's last names.

when i accidentally learned the last name of a certain public servant who brings things to our house on a regular basis i googled it because it sounded familiar. it turns out this person might be a sibling of a person who raped and killed his mother twenty years ago.

and lee was arguing with this person one day about something trivial. i told him he did it with an icepick or something like that. those things run in families just like bad grammar.

i was thinking about tamela saying dru doesn't exist and i told him and he looked very sarcastic suddenly. like i'll show this bitch. who is this bitch.

then i thought of buying a cam and camming kitties with people. do they do that? in japan probably. you could call the website hello kitty.

i had a horrible dream that dave lachapelle was taking photographs of me wearing this melted hello kitty head prosthesis over my face. i was making serious faces like a german film director. the one photo was good. i have to stop looking at his pictures on the internet but he is so damn good.

i also dreamt i was at a huge swimming pool that was really a natural formation and it got dark and everyone left and you had to go through a forest to get out and i didn't know how to get out. but i managed to remember the path (which was oddly enough the same path from the public pool i belonged to as a kid and it did run through forest). i wanted to go take pictures of it recently i said when we drove past it..the forest has taken the pool it but it looks photogenic!

did you know sally mann shot a man dead on her property. he was an escaped convict. she is sort of death obsessed and death fetishizing. it's fascinating to hear her speak. she has this otherworldly candor. but i'm not sure whether the shooting thing was sally getting a little too overstimulated. she fetishizes the spot where she shot him in the documentary. it was football fields away from her house and the guy had broken out of prison and i think he may have been armed but i don't think he had given any indication he was coming for her. yet. she stands where she shot him and talks about his dead form in detail. she did that whole series where she got permission to shoot pictures of bodies in those cadaver training sites. you probably know she uses those gorgeous old cameras and glass plates and gets gorgeous results but her death shots were often indistinguishable from the period stuff along those lines like brady. the one gallery canceled her show at the last minute and you see her just crushed in the documentary. i thought that was brave the ways she showed her vulnerability. but she is already "taken up" so ish ka bibble sally? really? law enforcement had given her a warning call that the convict was coming. you should be armed in america. it's sad but true. i hate guns. melt the guns. but it's the art of the draw here. it really is. sally shot him herself. i think she did a book of it called IT'S MY DEAD MAN, DON'T TOUCH HIM or MY CORPSE, NOT YOUR CORPSE, MY CORPSE, GOT IT? or I GOT BODIES or something. her children are interesting people and her husband seems a lovely man and they seem to have a lovely marriage of equals. he has some debilitating illness and of course sally is photographing him all the time and his degeneration. maybe it isn't fetishization. maybe she's just the opposite of our lying culture that doesn't allow death. doesn't allow disease. doesn't allow age. i don't know. i do know she's a hella good photographer often. but i just wonder if she hadn't found that old camera whether we'd be watching sally on TRU TV as one of them there "angel of mercy" nurses.


sexual camming is good for preventing disease but guys will never get dates because they don't realize that girls are really just looking at what a slob they are. you left your underwear on the floor next to a plate with half a grilled cheese sandwich on it? they won't type that but they'll think it. it's a good way to find out if someone's dick or cho-cha is clean on the outside but of course 99% of disease is hidden and on the inside. sexual camming is funny. but it is practical. it's a good way to make sure Lucretia is not really Luke.

why don't people cam useful things like poetry or recipes or help me fix this lamp. are there clean camming sites? like watch me sleep and if anybody tries to get in this window scream really loud. or watch my cat while i'm getting my bath. make sure he doesn't chew on the christmas tree lights. i'm back thanks. you can leave now.

i've been having serious thoughts that the future is going to need to chip all children and create a grid to monitor them. it will be easy to program "normal range" functions for children and abnormalities will escalate through 1) vaguely worrisome check up calls to 2) clear alarms. parents will be able to "stand down" warnings etc. because this country is so violent now. they will have to be unfindable on the body and not in centralized locations or the kidnappers will do horrible things to remove them. nanotechnology should make this easy and safe. of course sex offenders should all be chipped too...fuck civil liberties...the only abuse of this system will be more spam...the privacy and sanctity of this information can be legislated...and the govt can monitor anybody they want like this anytime right now anyway, so don't act like it's something new...they don't do it...but they could...it can be made useful...that way no child will disappear forever and we can start changing our t.v. back to less than 98% homicide shows...you know eventually even the oceans are going to be gridded (through buoyed systems) like this...it will be better for people lost at sea...yr cell phone doesn't work out there you know...you want it to...but you can't tell people where you are...yr chip will...this is going to be such a no-brainer before we even leave this century...the data is huge but manageable...fuzzy logic systems will be particularly useful in the child monitoring part...of course the system will need to be hackproof but then most people who want to harm children are not computer geniuses...privacy is overrated...nobody's asking to see you get your phreak on...and when you turn a certain age you can opt to chip out or something...you know who loves privacy? serial killers. pedos. stalkers. 60 minutes covered the rapidly accelerating programs in reading thoughts yesterday...they've gotten 100% accuracy now repeatedly on small finite set recognition with thoughts...they're talking about light rays that can be shined on your forehead and penetrate into the neocortex and give "lie detector" results even without your consent...as they said these will need to be constitutionally sifted....because they are soon going to have real applications here...they can show you a room where a murder occurred and ask you whether you were there before...your brain will let us know if you are lying...even without you opening your mouth. haha. too cute. they've already used this to convict a woman in asia somewhere...china? i forget.

in re sixty minutes: note to leslie stahl: lose the "oh my!" eyebrow thing and the half grimace of wry amusement at the subject matter's sempiternally orwellian subtext. maybe do a few porn faces.

note to lesli stahl or anybody associated with 60 minutes: euthanize andy rooney. now. a wonder bread bag and some clothesline is as humane as we want to go.

andy rooney = spalding gray with autism

i had a dream about genetic tagging through offender semen but i think that's two centuries or more away.

the future may not always be right but boy is it gonna be funny.

you heard it here foist.