I have come to the conclusion that I should probably not blog in certain states.
These state include, but are not limited to, the following....
1. Drunk
2. Horny
3. Asleep
4. Angry
5. Unconscious
6. Maudlin
7. Manic (a.k.a. rapid cycling)
8. Smug (a.k.a. superior)
9. Irrational
10. Giddy
11. Slutty
12. Mentally Bankrupt
Hence, blogging will now be reduced to five minutes a day.
I notice combinations of these states are particularly dangerous.
I do feel, however, that the news should be delivered by drunken t.v. anchors.
I would watch the DRUNK NEWS. It should be a man and a woman, and they should be horribly, embarrassingly intoxicated and try to talk about the world's tragedies.
The man will keep saying "Shit, I don't know" when somebody asks him where Turkmenistan is, and the woman anchor should keep playing with her long golden hair and licking a lemon that she is trying to balance on the underside of her shapely wrist.
Later when the male anchor laughs like a chimpanzee when she tries to pronounce "apartment robberies" five times and can't do it, she will throw the lemon at him.
And the acid from the lemon will get in one of his eyes.
And he will say "That's not funny, bitch!" Because his eye will be burning like a motherfucker.
But she will be laughing like hell.
This is how I want to hear the news.
The terrible, terrible news.
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5 comments:
you're funny.
I thought something was up. You seem more like yourself than usual. I like it when your like yourself expect when I don't get you.
To quote Parker Posey in that incest comedy, "If people are going to start telling the truth around here, I'm going to bed."
I'll have to double check.
There's such a pile of mail down there.
And it's so deceptive.
Some of it says it's mail, but it's something else.
And it takes up space like mail.
I think creatures are getting in disguised.
That's how it starts.
That old story.
xo
And there's Romy's comment!
Hi Romy!
Yeah. We have some of those critters, but they come in through the silverware drawer in the kitcken and shit all over the spoons and forks. I vote to break their necks in one of those inhumane traps, but Che's content to wash the utensils everyday! We have a lot of utensils You would think 3 cats would do the tricks but they're lazy, and fat. I know the see the damn mice and now every time I cross the kitchen something squeaks. I know its just the metal cabinet, or is it. I should keep them alive for research. They got beady eyes, those bastards.
Anywhat, hope you can find the text in the mess o' yours. Claim it.
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