Bipolar Bottlenose Dolphin (from A Bestiary, A Hospital)

The bipolar Bottlenose Dolphin
is having a hypomanic Thursday.

Oceanic cyclothymia can go ignored,
often confused with incidental mood changes
in the humiliating struggle for existence
against sharks, therapists,

or other predators of the Deep.

Irritability at World disturbance,
and arguing over potentiating sentences
or poems are clear symptoms.

The peak social hours are 2-4:30 a.m.

Melencolia and lingering in kelp fields
are contributing factors, as is regarding
symptom-free individuals with jealousy.

Similarly: experimenting with agitation tactics
to equalize or "fuck up" the playing field.

The Dolphin may invent reasons to refuse meds
based on perceived taxonomic injustice.

The Dolphin may feel the therapist unjustly
Linnaean in assigning a diagnosis or speciation,
and prefer the nomenclature of cladistics.

Captivity narratives are a recurrent theme.
(Everything is blamed on the Aquarium.)

The Bottlenose Dolphin may demonstrate
an empathy with past bipolar Bottlenoses
such as Virginia Woolf, Edgar Allen Poe or Tori Amos.

The Bottlenose Dolphin may abandon tool use
and use of language, insisting its species
is non-linguistic and non-tool-utilizing,
but these are feints of avoidance behavior.

Patchy periods and vulnerable planning
leading to rapid decline may be followed
by grandiose delusions that the world
is just waiting for the Bottlenose Dolphin
to deliver an earth-shaking epiphany.

Some dolphins begin substance abuse of Flying Fish
in these upswings and this can have dire consequences
for the prognosis. Flying Fish consumption
intensifies the manic state and often endows
the Bottlenose Dolphin with a sense of Immortality

or the feeling that it can "fuck the world up."

The Dolphin may have a grandiose sense it can "echolocate anything."

Morbidity is, unfortunately, rather high
as a result of severe judgment impairment
and promiscuity with other Cetaceans often complicates
the illness. Some bipolar Bottlenoses have been known

to attempt sex with Orcas, and deaths have been reported.

Differential diagnoses include "Asshole" and "Skatepunk."
These personality constellations are often misdiagnosed
based on their similar configurations and pathology.

Chlorpromazine may convince the patient
that reality may be rendered "dolphin-safe,"
and help to mix hopelessness and rage together,
so that a tepid amalgamation is formed
which rather simulates human pastiness.

Fidgeting and Death are common side effects.

Romantic relationships with unipolar Bottlenose Dolphins
may be satisfactory, exploitive or both.

Whistles may be used therapeutically to alarm
Japanese tuna fishermen in roleplay scenarios,
empowering the Bottlenose Dolphin.

Bipolar Bottlenose Dolphins who hang around sandbars
should be encouraged to explore the greater Ocean.
Studies reveal that sandbar bipolars tend to decrease
social opportunities to decrease social stress.

Always remind the patient that the goal of therapy
is to restore the Dolphin to broadband efficiency,
and the delight in his own Marine Pulses.

Explain vocalization is the opposite of Shame.

Quetiapine or Topamax may be personified
as dolphin-friendly Nereids who have come
to swim alongside the Dolphin and grant peace.

Unflattering comparisons with glamorous Rorquals,
Beluga or Narwhals should be avoided.

Remind the Dolphin that Seaworld and Pliny
preferred the Bottlenose Dolphin to these creatures.
Self-esteem is part of the recovery process.

The book One Fish at a Time has been used
by clinicians with good results.

The book I Must Have a Hole in My Head
is also a good read, a first person account
of one Bottlenose's struggle with bipolar disorder.

A strong attempt should be made for the Bipolar Bottlenose
to construct his own self-image, and not to base
this image on his pod's clicks of approval or disapproval.

Encourage the Dolphin to look at the prodromal pattern.

The Bottlenose Dolphin should always be reminded
that there are boycotters and young, hot celebrities
publicly demonstrating for him and pulling for him.

Continually remind the Dolphin that we swim into the Tuna Net,
the Tuna Net does not swim into us.