I Must Away

This Winter was brutal.

Philip, your favorite book of mine (The Winter) was right. You wrote that in Japan while I was curling into a comma of consciousness in my momma's belly.

Not being born. I still didn't do that.

Keep repeating: "the jonquils are preparing to prepare for spring." Right now!

Lee is sick again. That's weird. Or maybe just didn't get over it.

What good is a man if I can have no use of him!

He's off today/tonight and he will surely sleep to recuperate.

And he's the young 'un.

I was so lucky. I took my chances and we enjoyed a wicked waywardness when he insisted he was over it, and seemed it, and my pleasure was not recompensed with the usual ho-hum Puritan moral of Suffering, the Jonathan Edwards bullshit...

Trust me, if there was a blight to be had, I would have had it.

So he was fine and then he went South after a few days of work. It's going in and out in the night, while sick, the temperatures, the stress of his job. He doesn't complain but I know that's it.

So either he misgauged beating the cold (it's not even a flu...just a very dismal cold) which means I had already encountered this thing before, or my Evilness conferred the usual "Wicked People Like You are Exempt" protections.

Or he had one cold. Then got another. Which is not like Lee, since he's usually as resistant as an ox.

I think he hates his new job but won't admit it.

He denies it but I think he does.

It's such a pain to change jobs, but if you hate the job fuck it. Life is too short.

But then his benefits start and they've put him in a position of authority already (or should I say buried him in a position of authority...you know how that goes) and are offering him promotions (more burial, up to the neck).

Eros has ways to fool a cold. I'm sure you know these. Quick children that you are. Sometimes it can make it that much more fun.

Epidemiological hotness and all that stuff. It's a tease and that's fun, right? To know you can't do something.

I have to go to stupid stores now and buy groceries and sit for an interview and be my charming amoral self.

Feign disinterest. Be a bauble of intelligence. A mere bauble they feel they can shiv on a bodkin of an office line.

I know the routine.

When I start at a new job I am quiet as the grave. I like it that way. I've been spoiled. If I don't have my own office now with my own door to close whatever will I do?

I know. I'll tell everyone I'm a Jehovah's Witness. That's like the Plague. It will work wonders. I have to make sure first there are no other Witnesses in the office. Because the last thing I need is to have to spend my days off in Kingdom Hall because I wanted peace.

I worked in an office once that was overrun by Jehovah's Witnesses. They had converted like seven or eight people. It was just a coincidence where people were going through bad divorces, meaninglessness anxieties, etc. and they did a good job of recruiting. The original pod was charismatic.

But they were creepy. J.W.'s have a big thing about Apocalypse; they have a bigtime End of the World fetish. They LOVED that movie The Day After Tomorrow. They would go see it, the office Witnesses, together. They all saw it in the theater like three times. They would come in talking about it all pumped up as though they had just seen a great porno. They looked like they were all ready to get in an orgy. But an End of the World orgy I guess.

I don't keep in touch with those people.

I finally got my exercise bike moved back into the living room. Christmas put a layer of dust on the thing since the trees took over.

Now I can ride and watch homicidal t.v. at the same time.

This is good.

The jonquils are stretching their arms and yawning. The crocuses are pushing their little ezra pound phalloi up through the snow as we speak.

The economy is rounding the corner like a whore in jellies.

Life is good.

Truly.