"No Fats, No Fems, No Fuglies": A Gay Fairy Tale (continued)

Once upon a queer time, there was a just-past-his-prime gay man who lived in The Enchanted Forest...

His name was BuffedLeather45.

BuffedLeather45 knew that since he was a gay man, he could not allow himself to age naturally, the way your average doughy heterosexual might. That doughy man might still hold an appeal to heterosexual women, who would care about things like "Can he make lasagna?" or "Does he cuddle?" or "Will he go with my furniture?"

Not so in the gay universe!

Buffed was a wise muscledaddy who knew how to work all the gay clubs in The Enchanted Forest, whether it was 3 p.m., 8 p.m. or closing time. He had a strategy for every hour and every type of man he desired.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention!

BuffedLeather45 had been born without a heart.

This increased his desirability in the gay world immensely, and meant that his cock was that much better as a heat-seeking missile.

There was no EMP-pulse of interference from any heart above when that hot missile flew. The missile could fly undeflected to its various warm targets.

Buffed knew his way around a Soloflex and around a man's body.

In The Enchanted Forest, he was still accounted a thoroughly reliable lay; when a young man needed a Daddy-fix, BuffedLeather45 was considered a good one to go to.

And because he was extremely vain, he preferred the youngest and most beautiful men in The Enchanted Forest.

He was very discriminating.

He was very discriminatory.

He was, of course, a body fascist, a lookist and preferred those men who shared his natural bent towards a coldness of manner in conversation and in fucking.

In short, he was a great lay and a terrible human being. And he had absolutely no problem with that. Why should he?

One spring day when the world was newly green again and everything on the dewy ground looked like cock coming up, Buffed wandered through The Enchanted Forest.

Buffed was feeling half his age as usual and was singing a disco tune of yore, as he wandered through the forest placing personal ads.

These he carved on many ancient, colossal trees that made Buffed think (of course) of sturdy cocks.

He took out his knife and carved "CALL DADDY FOR A GOOD TIME. NO FATS, NO FEMS, NO FUGLIES!"

And then he appended the phone number to his cottage dwelling, where his appendage was appended to his glorious self.

BuffedLeather45 carved this on a lot of beautiful trees.

The trees were watching him and began speaking their spore language.

They were talking to Somebody who had their interests dear to her Heart.

This carving was a great mistake, although Buffed did not yet know.

This is because the Tranny Fairy lived in that part of The Enchanted Forest where Buffed was carving his obnoxious, lookist, body-fascist, transgender-hatin' messages.

And the Tranny Fairy was Fat. And Fem. And very Fugly.

And she was often pissed.

Probably because of the hormones she took. Or maybe it was the electrolysis. But anyway....

It was not long before BuffedLeather45 found himself walking into an invisible wall and banging his celebrated, aquiline nose against it and saying, "Humph!"

Because this was The Enchanted Forest, Buffed was not particularly surprised that a magic partition had put up here, so he turned to go another direction...and knocked his forehead against another wall.

He went another direction and it hurt again.

Then he called out to the Magic of The Enchanted Forest, "What the fuck?"

And that's when the Tranny Fairy appeared.

She was fugly in pink taffeta and had a magic wand shaped like a glass dildo.

A pink glass dildo atop a clear Swarovski crystal wand.

She had Jay Leno's chin and she had Target's logo on her taffeta dress, as she had worked out some sort of sponsorship deal.

She had the beginning of her afternoon beard.

She glowered at BuffedLeather45 and her eyes flamed in tranny Nemesis mode.

"I see somebody has taken up a little woodworking project in my part of The Enchanted Forest," she said.

"Oh hi. I'm just passing through," Buffed said.

"Not anymore," she said.

Vines came rushing across the forest floor like hissing serpents and soon pulled Buffed to a tree whose leafy roof was nearly up in the clouds. They wrapped him round and round til he was pinned to his own carving.

"Let's see what this poet has written," the Tranny Fairy said, producing a pair of stylishly antiquated reading glasses that Meryl Streep might have chosen.

Suddenly, a whole army of loyal creatures passed over from the realm of invisibility to visibilty as she said this.

Trolls, elves, sprites and pixies, oreads and unicorns came chattering out of the invisibility to surround their tranny queen.

"Oh, I see: NO. FATS. NO. FEMS. NO....FUGLIES. Am I reading that correctly?" she coyly asked the man held by ivy serpents to the tree.

"Hehe...Buffed said. It takes all different kinds..."

"Shut up. Shut up or I will turn you into a toad with Munchausen's-by-proxy in exactly thirteen seconds."

A unicorn laughed at the buffed fag.

Buffed swallowed hard and did his best to fake it.

"I'm sorry, Your...Honor."

"Your...Honor?."

The Tranny Fairy laughed and so did her strange cohorts.

A lesbian pixie with a boyish haircut threw a rock that hit Buffed in the head and the creatures laughed again.

The Tranny Fairy held up her hand and her eldritch troops fell to silence.

"You have greatly offended my sensibilities and you must pay. But I am in a gracious, giving mood. I will give you your druthers."

"My druthers?" Buffed muttered, sweating now like a pedo in prison.

"Well here are your two choices. I can change you into a wild boar right now...which is really what I consider you. And you can snout up acorns and hunt truffles for our Fairy Meals for the rest of your days..."

"Lucifer and Vaseline!" Buffed screamed. "I was just trying to get laid..."

"And so you are. Laid low. By your arrogance and conceit."

"I...well...I'm so sorry Mistress...."

"Mistress?

"Princess?

"Whatevuh. Talk to the Wand. Do you want to hear your other option?"

"I...guess..."

"See these four hideous trolls here?"

"Yes."

The four trolls looked like the men Buffed passed on the way into the gay bars, the usual stool implants. He shuddered to even stare at them and the four trolls cackled.

"Well....your other option is this. I will transform these four trolls into four of the most beautiful, buff young men you have ever seen. I will shape them to your innermost desires, that even you do not know yourself. They will come to live with you and be the Ultimate Houseboys of Desire. You shall have orgasms from dawn to dusk, dusk to dawn..."

The Tranny Fairy paused and lowered her glasses on her nose, and smiled devilishly.

Buffed looked at the four trolls, who glared malevolently at him and cackled again. He imagined he could smell their rancidness even from the twelve feet between them and him.

He felt nauseous.

"This is a punishment?"

"You didn't let me finish. Probably just the way you are with your boys."

The mythological creatures behind her snickered again.

The Tranny Fairy gave him a Meryl Streep, x-ray stare.

"They will be transformed into four unrivaled beauties and they will live with you and tend to your needs. And here's the catch. Here's the dealio...if you raise your voice in anger to these, your new Quartet of Love Players, if you show an absence of gratitude THREE TIMES to these boys...

Buffed swallowed in dread.

"I will return that very moment and I will transform you into that wild boar. But not to serve us. Oh no. You will be served to us. We will stuff you with acorns and quinces and sweet apples and turn you on a spit. And we will eat you."

There was a loud outburst of appetite from the chimerical crew of beings about her at these last words. An ogre rubbed his belly and licked his lips obnoxiously.

Buffed stared into her flaming eyes which were now a mere inch or so from his.

"Understood, handsome?"

"Yes."

"Well, which is it to be?"

He looked at the trolls and felt his stomach roll but answered "Number two."

She looked right into his face and barked a short laugh then, the Tranny Fairy.

"I KNEW it!" she said.

She went over and stroked the heads of the four trolls, and spoke in cooing tones to them.

"I shall miss you, Egaliander, Rouspes, Verx and Torpsis!" She glowered at Buffed. "But something tells me you will return to me soon...not long anyway."

"Back! Back everyone!" she said as she waved the dildo wand above her head furiously, as if she were mixing an inverted margarita.

And the unicorns and pixies and sprites and elves and gnomes and a small dragon and others scurried back away from the place where the Tranny Fairy stood now with her four trolls and light began to spin furiously around the Tranny Fairy, pink light, and around her four trolls and this light began spinning around the tall tree where Buffed was pinned by ivy fetters.

There was music playing suddenly. Buffed thought it sounded like The Weathergirls and felt an urge to dance and fuck suddenly.

"Goodbye, my Interloper! You had best hope we don't meet again, but I suspect we will...we will..."

She had transformed herself into a likeness of Diana Ross just to be a bitch, he noticed.

And then everything pink went white.

And he felt himself flying and his eyes were closed, though he did not remember closing them.

*       *     *     *

When BuffedLeather45 opened his eyes, he was back in his comfortable little cottage with the gym and the sex-harness and all the other goodies he loved so much.

And sitting on various Italian leather pieces of furniture (tacky, I know) were four of the most gorgeous pieces of eye-candy to ever sport testicles.

The Tranny Fairy had indeed kept her promise.

Buffed couldn't speak.

He scanned this quartet of muscular men for any sign of the troll within, and could see nothing.

Surely, it was a joke.

They couldn't really be the trolls.

"The Tranny Fairy has played a joke on me," he thought.

"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves," a man who could have made a GQ cover-model eat his heart out said in a posh English accent.

"I'm Stephen," but you can rename us anything you like. "We're all here to please."

Buffed's jaw began to dislocate slowly with desire. Like a snake's.

His eyes visually caressed the remaining three, who took this cue to introduce themselves.

"Maurizio," said the Italian blond.

"Wole," said the African beauty.

"Aki," said the modern Viking.

"Tell us what you want, and we will do it," said Stephen.

"Ummm," said Buffed.

He had to sit down.

He did not see the Tranny Fairy standing next to the tacky version of the Barcelona chair he had just fallen backwards into.

Because she was invisible.

And she was smiling at her four trolls, who could see her as clearly as they saw the desire burning below Buffed's tongue.

Trolls can locate desire the way gay men can locate shoe stores.

"I have. A few ideas," Buffed managed to gasp.

The Tranny Fairy beamed instructions to the four trolls telepathically, and then bade them Adieu, shaking her head in horror at the furniture one last time before teleporting away.

So it began.

The game.

_________________________________________________________________


A month passed, and Buffed had never been happier in his twisted little life.

He never heard the word no, and his lust was indulged on an hourly basis.

Maurizio, Wole, Aki and Stephen proved amenable to whatever Buffed proposed and were pleasurable beyond words to gaze upon.

Sometimes when the four of them were moving in and out of one another's arms, Buffed would get a chill suddenly, and remember how this all came about.

He would imagine he saw horrible troll features on the face of one of these men in a shadowy moment of lovemaking, but then the young god would turn his face towards the candlelight and the Supermodel Superman would be back.

Often, his young lover would laugh at such a moment, and Buffed would wonder if he had read his thought, his fear.

He kept telling himself to remember The Rules. No shouting or lack of gratitude.

But Buffed was by nature an ungrateful creature. He was a paragon of Ungratitude.

So why should he respect even something as wonderful as joy?

He knew he could not ask the four men to talk about The Tranny Fairy.

One night when he was drunk he had tried and they all looked innocent and laughed.

"Who?" they said. Like children.

So they deviously relaxed his guard.

They cooked wonderful meals for him. They bathed him. They toweled him dry. They held him while he fell asleep. They TIVOed his favorite shows. They washed his sleek teal sportscar.

They accompanied him to The White Party in the Enchanted Forest.

They gave great glamour and they gave great head.

BuffedLeather45 had gone to Heaven and been rolfed there.

He forgot everything he knew of his hunts and rutting.

The gay clubs figured he had died, because they were certain he hadn't changed.

But the trolls were biding their time.

Soon, they were to score their first direct hit.


_____________________________________________________


One Wednesday afternoon, Buffed was out at a car lot with Maurizio looking at Italian imports.

When the two men returned home, they heard a strange noise coming from the back bedroom.

Maurizio sat down on a chair and began reading an Italian fashion magazine.

Buffed proceeded to the back bedroom, following the alien splutter of laughter he heard.

When he opened the bedroom door, he saw Stephen, Wole and Aki with a beautiful blonde girl of about eighteen.

All four were naked and in one bed.

What were they doing?

Let's just say the men appeared to have an All Access pass.

A gay meltdown occurred in Buffed's brain.

He SCREAMED: "What the fuck is she doing in here? In my fucking bed! You all BELONG TO ME!!"

Suddenly everything froze. The men froze as if they were a still in a movie.

Funky white boy music had been playing. That froze too.

Buffed saw the number 1 appear five feet tall on one of his bedroom walls.

It had the red-orangey colors of flames...flames that were alive and stirring. In the shape of the number 1. There was no visible means of projection.

He heard the Tranny Fairy's voice then, coming from somewhere far above.

"Lack. Of. Gratitude. Number. One."

And then the number vanished, the music resumed and the men turned back from warm sculpture into breathing flesh and blood.

"Oh, sorry," Stephen said sincerely to Buffed. "We didn't realize. I mean that you would mind," he said in that charming English accent.

The young girl smiled strangely at Buffed as she jumped up and slipped into a lavendar sun dress that made her look like an elfin creature.

This was appropriate, since she was actually a hamadryad, a tree nymph, sent there by the Tranny Fairy.

"So sorry, Sir," she said and batted her eyelashes.

He didn't address her at all. Arrogant creature that he was.

She slipped into her shoes and left the room, showing herself out of the cottage.

Buffed waited until he heard the front door shut.

Stephen, Aki and Wole looked up at Buffed and smiled. Like children.

"You're not fooling me," he said.

But he didn't sound convincing at all.

"Im hungry for lunch. One of you make me a tuna melt," Buffed said.

"Aki got up to go to the kitchen."

He kissed Buffed on his bald head before he left the room.

That kiss sent a child down Buffed's spine, though he did not know why.

______________________________________________________________________

BuffedLeather45 had been given a good scare with his serious fuck-up.

He vowed there would not be a second lapse.

He didn't even want to contemplate what a second and a third lapse would mean, but in dreams his brain did this anyway.

Especially on nights of full moon, Buffed would wake shaking in terror after having had a nightmare in which he saw a spit being readied, the Tranny Fairy's loyal creatures salivating as they stared at him...beasts with yellow eyes, horned heads and hooves and claws instead of feet and fingers.

One of his supermodels would invariably pull him close to his chest and Buffed's hot tears would follow the ab lines in the young man's sculpted torso like a marble following a chic car's lines in a pretentious car commercial.

How could he believe these loving creatures were really trolls sent to seduce him to his destruction?

He was getting older.

Without even realizing.

And yet he had lucid moments, where he could see through the subterfuge to what his tender lovers really were.

Once, he caught Aki eating a wild bird. It was a bluebird, and he had seen him pluck the creature from the air in its flight through the backyard.

And stick it in his mouth alive.

"Troll," Buffed shuddered.

And his skin became like an orange's skin, pebbled with fear.

Aki tried to be sly (he must have sensed then he was being watched) and turned away quickly and tried to brush the feathers from his sticky mouth, but Buffed saw his eyes had changed color. They looked like topazes with blood in them.

Aki was shirtless, and wearing nothing but very sexy underwear whose spidery lacings were clearly Gaultier-inspired, and he turned a quick series of cartwheels and acrobat flips and arrived directly before Buffed in a perfect 10.0 Olympic landing.

Then he took Buffed in his strong arms and kissed him deep and long.

Buffed was amazed that there was no savor of bluebird.

It tasted of pure Aki.

Buffed was seduced.

He told himself he wasn't sure of what he had really seen.

So The War progressed.

_______________________________________________________________________


One day Buffed was alone briefly.

He had sent his love squad out on various missions. Stephen was doing Buffed's banking for him at First Fairy Savings & Loan. Maurizio was washing and waxing Buffed's teal sports car. Aki was grocery shopping for the portabello mushrooms and steak which Buffed craved today. Wole was taking care of Buffed's laundry at the establishment run by ogres which Buffed preferred to patronize.

Buffed got a greedy craving then to watch a videotape from his Library of Conquest.

Buffed had often taped himself and his various lovers through the decades and he had a Trophy Room stocked with hundreds of these videotapes, discs and even some quainter forms of image storage which history had bypassed.

He decided he would look at his 29th year, which had been a particularly lecherous and erotically satisfactory year. Perhaps it was the sense that a flaming youth was going over from flambe to low Sterno flicker that made that year so sexually intense.

He found a tape in which a young man of twenty or so named Christian had proved a particularly apt pupil for a long weekend of sportive fucking in and even outside the ole cottage.

He was already feeling extremely aroused as he popped the antiquated VHS tape in the player and lay back to begin reliving one of his proudest conquests of seasons past.

And that's when a spelunking video came on the bigscreen t.v.

A scientist was exploring caves on Sumatra and talking about the creatures which inhabited these subterranean chambers, the bones of extinct animals from the early Holocene which had been found here, yadda yadda...

And Buffed felt as though somebody had just poured ice water down his spine.

Inside his vertebrae.

He fast forwarded through the tape to find 1)an episode of Trolls Gone Wild 2) a documentary on underground horticulture 3) a comedy show called How to Be a Gay Man ("Research! You bastards!" Buffed thought) and then the last few hours were all cartoons.

He felt his blood pressure rising and he jumped up and put another tape in.

More Trollabilia. Trollania.

Troll fare.

"Trollafuckingpalooza!" he screamed.

He threw the tape into a wall across the room and it shattered into something that looked like black seaweed, tape everywhere.

He checked another. The another. His compact disks. His ancient reel to reels.

Everything had been reused to record trivial things.

All of his most vainglorious conquests were gone.

He was not thinking when he screamed. He was pure feeling at that moment.

And that feeling was arrogant wounded vanity.

He covered his mouth as soon as the scream ended, but the scream had been so loud that birds had taken flight from the tall trees around the cottage where they sometimes like to perch to watch the spectacle of extremely vain gayness.

"No! No! No!" he pleaded aloud.

Though there was no one there.

"That surely CANNOT count! They're not even here. She can't know..."

He closed his eyes and counted to ten.

He opened them.

Nothing.

He felt his heart stomping on the inside of his chest like the bootsole of a skinhead on a Goth kid's skull.

He breathed a sigh of relief and walked out of the bedroom.

Flaming on the hallway wall was the number 2 seeming almost alive in its fiery orange flickers.

The number 2 appeard to be written in flames.

Flames that were dreaming they were water.

He heard her shrill, caustic laughter then.

The Tranny Fairy was hovering somwhere above his cottage, cackling like a bilious old queen.

"That's soooo number two," she said with delicious vitriol.

"I suspect you will be getting a dinner invitation soon, My Dear! Tata for now! Or should I say tartare?"

Another cackle and she was gone.

Buffed was screaming and explostulating and arguing with her like an attorney.

Except he wasn't arguing with her.

He was arguing with the air.

Since she was long gone.

And he was the cat on its eight life, suddenly.

He felt real terror for the first time since he had seen his receding hairline.

It was time to get serious.

He was going to need to fight back.

But how?

He put his fist through the wall then.

And he decided he would kill The Tranny Fairy.

One way or another.

"Fucking hairy-assed bitch!" he said to the hole in the wall.

He almost looked like a heterosexual, he was so angry.

____________________________________________________________________

BuffedLeather45 had been asking around.

He was looking for dirt on The Tranny Fairy and seeking to find what her vulnerabilities were. He knew he was up against it now, that he was one good shouting meltdown away from being Kentucky Fried Boar.

Of course, he did this research when his Love Quartet of Adonises was not around. He told them he was leaving the house on various errands and he drove over to "the wrong side" of the Enchanted Forest.

He got word that Dirty Elfin Larry had a grudge against the Tranny Fairy.

Something about a business deal gone bad.

So he hunted down Dirty Elfin Larry and found him one Tuesday afternoon cleaning out the remains of a Circuit City he owned which was located in the Southwest quadrant of the Enchanted Forest.

Dirty Elfin Larry was a little sleazebag, you could see as much on first sight, but Buffed needed any information he might be able to give.

"I hear you have a problem with that bitch too," Dirty Elfin Larry said. "What you into her for?"

I carved something on some of her trees and she found it offensive. She got her panties in a bunch and put a mark on my head. I'm one shout away from being turned into a boar and being eaten by her freaks and Lady Shavesalot herself."

"Wow. Sucks to be you," Dirty Elfin Larry said with zero commiseration really, which pissed Buffed off.

"So tell me about this bitch. Does she have any weaknesses? Is she vulnerable?"

"Well bitch sucks at business I can tell you that. She totally ran our Circuit Cities into the ground. She couldn't even be bothered enchanting customers with buying spells. She was too busy karaokeing with her freak squad most of the time. We're still in escrow together but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Weaknesses?" Buffed repeated, a little too earnestly.

"Well. I did hear one thing."

"Yes?"

It was all Buffed could do to stop himself reaching out and picking up the little elf and throwing him against a wall and screaming into his face to move this along more efficiently.

"Well, I hear if you say here name...her real name, her birth name, three times, she loses her powers momentarily and becomes a man again."

"Fuck. What's her name?"

"What? You think I'm in the Favors business? There's a novelty shop down the road, bub if you want favors. I'm in electronics. See? Or was."

"What you need?"

"What you got?"

"Don't be an asshole. Just tell me how much."

"Well, Larry Junior would like to go on a little scouting expedition to Middle Earth this summer. So how about you cover that?"

"Fine."

After the exchange of blood money, which Dirty Elfin Larry insisted on counting three times, the weapon was given.

"She was born Stanley Medvidovich. Say it three times and you'll see that fairy princess gown drop off, and she'll be powerless...but only for a few seconds, okay? You gotta strike then."

"Strike? What do I do?" Buffed asked, a bit rabid now.

"She'll be wearing pink panties from Victoria's Secret. Rip them off as soon as you can. As soon as her privates feel the wind she'll be totally mortal. You can fight her man to man then, okay?"

"Awesome," Buffed said.

He could taste victory already.

He drove home at 90 m.p.h. in his Italian sportscar, wondering if he could keep his love slaves once he took the bitch out.

_______________________________________________________


Buffed Leather was wearing a muzzle.

He already had this in his embarrassingly complete collection of S&M gear, but it had only been used on his submissives before, never on Buffed.

It looked ridiculous, but he wasn't taking any chances with any accidental outbursts, since he knew the Tranny Fairy's ever-listening ears were certainly trained on him at this point, waiting for that last slip-up to turn him into the piece de resistance at one of her celebrated forest feasts.

He would remove it momentarily when asked questions by Aki or Wole, then immediately replace it.

He turned several mirrors to face the walls upon which they hung. Vain as he was, he could not bear to see how ridiculous he looked.

"What a slave to fear," he thought with self-hatred.

It was on a certain Saturday when all of the Enchanted Forest was celebrating a certain Centaur's birthday, that Buffed made his move.

He had gotten word that The Tranny Fairy was to make an appearance at a certain Lupercalian sort of festival slash car sale which was occurring in the Vale of Eldritch Happenings.

For those of you who don't remember the old Lupercalia festivities, just think of a very gay Renaissance Faire type environment. But now add real unicorns, witches, fairies, sprites, rocs, cyclops...

Well, you get the idea.

Apparently, The Tranny Fairy would show up to work the car show part of the celebration.

She liked to pose on the hoods of cars with a finger of one gloved hand stuck in her mouth.

Like any Tranny Fairy, she had a partiality for tiaras and the paparazzi treatment.

"Probably dents the hoods of the merchandise," Buff snickered.

And he told lies to his four lovers who had just gotten high and were eating peanut butter bareassed and giggling on the kitchen floor, and left his cottage fully prepared for all out war.

He hoped it would not be the last time he got to enjoy a vision like that.

____________________________________________________________________________

Buffed had been in the crowd at the ANNUAL ELDRITCH SUPERNATURALTHON AND AUTO SHOW stalking his prey for approximately forty-five minutes.

He had endured the site of The Tranny Fairy being indulged by fans, posing for pictures with every type of inhuman and half-human beast imaginable.

And the occasional human tranny-chaser, who always seemed to have long stringy greasy hair and look like a trucker five days out.

BuffedLeather45 could feel his adrenals pumping out hot flush hormones atop his kidneys when he saw The Tranny Fairy excuse herself and remove her Nokia phone and begin to wander off to a private area of the forest to take a call.

Buffed wondered why somebody with telepathic powers and powers of near omniscience would need something as annoying as a cell phone, but the simple answer was The Tranny Fair was addicted to the different cell phone covers you could use to accesssorize.

From rhinestones to Hello Kitty. No self-respecting Tranny Fairy believes there is such a thing as over-accessorizing.

As she was talking into her simply fabulous cell phone, with her back turned, Buffed saw his chance.

She was standing in an open forest glade and far out of earshot.

She seemed very distracted by the call, so he figured that was Number One in her pink world.

Buffed, looking very much like Hannibal Lecter with the muzzle still on his face, dashed towards The Tranny Fairy, whose back was turned to him, whose Wand she had so indiscreetly set down upon a rotted log...

And he screamed out three times as he did so: "Stanley Medvidovich! Stanley Medvidovich! Stanley Medvidovich!"

Then he added "You bitch! just for good measure, as he grabbed ahold her psychedelic sixties-style hot pants and yanked them straight to the forest floor.

The Tranny Fairy screamed and threw her Nokia directly at Buffed's head, but he was already yanking at the pretty pink Victoria's secret undies with a scalloped trim.

And down they went to the forest floor.

And Buffed's heart was soaring upwards as he saw it.

A rhinestone chastity belt enclosed another pair of identical pink undies.

The Tranny Fairy clapped her hands then and Buffed flew backwards against a tree and this time instead of ivy the ancient tree awoke and reached out with two very long branch arms and held him imprisoned against it's trunk.

The Tranny Fairy took this opportunity to repanty and put her hot pants back on.

"Well, deja fucking vu!" the Tranny Fairy said as she picked up her Nokia.

"Let me call you back in a few. Troll attack here," she said in a rather blase voice to the creature or person on the other end.

"No, I'm fine," she assured and then made some kissy noises and snapped the phone shut.

Buffed quaked in fear as he watched her walk over to her dildo wand and pick it up.

She approached him then and said.

"Well, that went off just fabulously, didn't it just?"

She draw one of her long finger purplenails across his neck in a playful manner.

"I didn't do it three times. This has nothing to do with gratitude to them."

"You are correct, Sir," she said in a catlike growl.

"I think I am going to..."

The Tranny Fairy paused and smiled.

"To what. You have no rights. All I did was say your name and pull down your pants. I'm sure you like that most of the time!"

Buffed was hysterical, making no sense.

"I'm going to give you a little nap now. I'm going to give you a little dream. I'm sending you home. Back to your lovers. Have a plesant sleep, my fifth little troll."

And she placed one purple fingernail directly against his forehead.

Buffed looked upwards and saw the blue sky was turning white.

It was turning white and swirling in a clockwise direction.

He closed his eyes and felt himself flying.

He heard the Tranny Fairy signing Sweet Dreams in a Patsy Cline tranny voice.

And then it was all gone.

____________________________________________________________


The Tranny Fairy had indeed restored Buffed to his own bed, where he lay now in a deep sleep surrounded by his four troll lovers.

Because he was unconcious they took turns metamorphosing back and forth between beautiful GQ model and their actual troll selves.

They flickered off and on like flashing Christmas lights, to amuse each other.

They giggled and stared at the unconscious body of the man they had so unwillingly served for many months now.

"I wonder what dream she sent," Wole said.

"Oh, I'm sure it's a good one," Aki said.

"Gentlemen, I think we can begin gathering up our things. I smell bacon, if you catch my drift."

The trolls giggled and rubbed their stomachs.

Both the perfect ones with art deco ab lines, and the distended green swollen ones covered with coarse hair.

Buffed began to snore loudly.

He was having his final dream.

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