Rumor has it these are actual interrogation questions used to weed out gay operatives today in certain intelligence agencies (along with lie-detector tests and sodium pentathol).
You have to imagine these questions being fired non-stop at an interrogatee sitting in a chair by two or more very menacing agents.
1. Do you know the name of Rainbow Brite's horse?
2. Can you assign a name to even one Care Bear?
3. Do you know the Swedish name for any IKEA product?
4. Are you offended that they didn't use Morrissey's version of "Every Day is Like Sunday" for NFL football?
5. Not counting Ken (who is a boyfriend), do you know the name of more than one of Barbie's relations?
6. Do you use the word "boutique" in any context whatsoever?
7. Have you ever put the words "charming" and "bistro" together in a sentence?
8. Do you agree or disagree with the following sentence: "Real men wear pink" is a shibboleth, and synonymous with "The invasion has begun?"
9. Do you own a picnic basket?
10. Can you name more than one Teletubby?
11. Which phrase excites you more: "ANTIQUES MALL" or "WET PUSSY"?
12. Who is Daniel and what is his relation to Miffy in the HELLO KITTY universe?
13. What did Yma Sumac do for a living?
14. What is the most valuable color of sandwich glass and why?
15. Can you name three types of chutney?
16. Is a petunia an annual or a perennial?
17. Do you currently or have you at any time previously used REMBRANDT toothpaste?
18. What do the bands the B-52s and R.E.M. have in common?
19. What is the name of TARGET's mascot dog?
20. What is the highest TRUE THREAD-COUNT you want when purchasing sheets, the number in excess of which you are just being made fun of by the manufacturer?
21. Regular or Egyptian cotton?
22. Which X-Man do you prefer: Wolverine?....or Cyclops?
23. What's a recamier?
24. Who has appeared in more LIFETIME television movies, Meredith Baxter-Birney or Tracey Nelson?
25. Can you name two of Judy Garland's daughters?
26. You are traveling for work and have a choice between a somewhat sleazy motel located next to an Applebees five minutes from your worksite, or a Bed and Breakfast with a thirty minute drive from your workplace. Which do you choose?
27. Have you used the word "marvelous" at any time in the past six months?
28. Can you name any product made by Biore?
29. Do you find The Three Stooges funny?
30. Who wrote The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas?
31. Do you know the Japanese name for any type of sushi whatsoever?
32. Apart from Paul Rudd, can you name three straight actors who have made a career out of playing gay men?
33. Tampa Bay or Key West? Lisbon or Ibiza? Madrid or Barcelona?
34. Have you ever visited the Baby Panda Cam?
35. Have you ever used something other than a legitimate manicure or pedicure tool to clean out the gunk under your fingernails or toenails. (If you say "yes," be aware we will produce a nail, coin or screwdriver and ask you to demonstrate.)
36. Have you ever worn a sleep mask?
37. Do you own a winter scarf, knit or otherwise?
38. Can you name three examples of semisoft cheeses and three examples of soft cheeses?
39. What is umeboshi?
40. What is the name of Kathy Griffin's alcoholic mother?
41. Who are the two biggest cunts (one male, one female) on the BRAVO network?
42. Can you name two gay supermodels?
43. What is Tim Gunn's annoying catchphrase?
44. You see three men at a bar. One is drinking Coors. The other is drinking Amstel Lite. The third is drinking Corona with a lemon wedge. Which do you approach?
45. What do you buy your eight-year-old nephew for Christmas: LEGOs or a microscope?
46. Can you name more than one member of the band The Smiths?
47. Would you allow any of these products in your home? Lladro? Home Interiors? Precious Moments?
48. Grape or quince jelly?
49. Have you ever purchased a bar of soap that had kelp or any other type of seaweed in it?
50. Have you ever drunk coffee ground from African and not South American beans?
51. Do you ever use the word "thus"?
52. Who invented cubism? Pablo Picasso? Georges Braque? Or both?
53. "Loden" is a shade of what color?
54. What is the name of Celine-Dion's husband and he is how many decades older than she is?
55. What artist is Bjork married to?
56. Would you ever buy paprika that wasn't from Hungary?
57. Do you own a bathrobe?
58. Do you own a shoe organizer?
59. Have you ever typed online the words "Dont Worry. I have no gag reflex."?
60. Do you know the proper names of the following typographic symbols (here agent holds up flash cards): &....*.....~......<.....^?
61. What ornament is most commonly associated with Alencon lace on a wedding dress?
62. What is the difference between a consomme and a soup?
63. What is the most appropriate use for a compote glass?
64. Who should we admire more, Jay McInerney or Bret Easton Ellis?
65. What was the grammatical error I made in the last question I asked you? Don't lie! We saw you squirming!
66. Do you write THANK YOU cards or note?
67. When you think of SEARS do you think of Maytag or Eva Zeisel and Russel Wright?
68. David Sedaris? Amy Sedaris? Or neither?
69. Have you ever spent more than thirty minutes in a MARSHALLS store?
70. True or False: Mark Doty plays shortstop for the Phillies?
71. Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata is also known by what numeral?
72. Do you have any online friends who have "buff" or "buffed" as a component of their screen names?
73. Do you have any online friends who have "boi" as a component of their screen names?
74. Have you ever used the phrase "the hotness," as in "That's the hotness right there, girlfriend."
75. Vera Wang is a Chinese porn star. True or false?
76. Do the letters A/X mean anything to you?
77. In your opinion, does middle age start at 45? Or 30?
78. An analogy: ANDY WARHOL :: ABSOLUT as TAKASHI MURAKAMI :: ?
79. The first things you look at on another man, after face, are: 1) basket 2) ass 3) shoes 4) watch and 5) hair. True or false?
80. Do you really laugh at Tim Allen's comedy, or do you just pretend to laugh at, in order to pass?
81. Do you now or have you ever owned a loofah?
82. Have you ever entered a BATH & BODY WORKS in the absence of a girlfriend and without the intent to buy a present for a girlfriend or female relation or friend?
83. Do you own more than one scented candle?
84. Have you visited a tanning salon more than once or have you ever used bronzer?
85. Tweed is 1) Shannon: a hot chick or 2) an English style of dress perennially in fashion if worn in the correct season?
86. When you are talking about your tranny, are you talking about your vehicle's transmission...or one of your best friends?
87. When you tell people you "love Bush" are you only talking about Kate?
88. Do your dreams featuring Heidi Klum involve her 1) on your johnson moaning in German or 2) standing on a runway looking fabulous?
89. Is "Aussie Bum" 1) a homeless person in Perth? or 2) something you like to see on a man's ass?
90. Is 2XIST 1) strange graffiti that seems to be pro-existence or 2) something you like to see on a man's ass?
91. Do you find Parker Posey funny?
92. Did you mourn Bea Arthur's passing?
93. Is unz-unzing an involuntary action for your body?
94. Is the remix usually better than the song?
95. What is the first name of George Michael's Texan husband?
96. When a man refers to his "soon-to-be-husband," do you want to 1) throw up or 2) ask where they are registered.
97. Have you ever been inside a Williams-Sonoma store for more than five minutes, and what did you think of their French porcelain? Did you want the rabbit tureen? Don't lie to me!!
98. Tori Amos: 1) freaky tree-hugger dyke witch or 2) earth goddess?
99. Are your pubes shaved for more than half the year?
100. Do you have a Celtic tattoo of any sort anywhere on your body? Do you have a lower back tattoo right over your asshole that says "MERGE" in ancient runes?
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