I Want to Eat You. Please Save Me!

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Protect Critical Habitat for One of the Most Endangered Species!

JUST PUT HIS GENETIC MATERIAL IN THE GENOME LIBRARY WITH THE OTHER BEASTIES AND HE'LL BE FINE IN 100 YEARS OR SO PEOPLE. AND SCIENTISTS CAN MAKE HIM GLOW IN THE DARK LIKE THAT FREAK PUPPY THEY MADE. THEN THEY WON'T GET HIT BY CARS. FLUORESCENT PANTHERS WILL GET MORE FUNDING TOO. BECAUSE THEY'RE NEAT.




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Hi William,
No protected habitat exists for the Florida panther, the only big cat east of the Mississippi. And fewer than 100 individual panthers remain, making the Florida panther one of America's most endangered species.

I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO ASK? WHAT ARE THESE PANTHERS DOING TO MAKE THEMSELVES EXTINCT? ARE WE SURE THIS ISN'T A LIFESTYLE ISSUE? AND ONLY 100? WELL THEY HAVE TO BE A HOTBED OF INCEST BY NOW. DO WE REALLY WANT TO GET BEHIND A SMALL FAMILY OF INCESTUOUS BIG CATS? IT'S PRACTICALLY A SWING PARTY YOU CAN BE SURE. MAYBE RESCUE THE CHILDREN. BUT THE ADULTS. ICK.

With your signature, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar could do something to protect this magnificent creature >>

Once able to roam throughout the southeastern United States from east Texas to the Carolinas, a single population of 80 to 100 individual panthers now remains, surviving on only about 5 percent of its former range.

OH NOW WE'RE DOWN TO EIGHTY. DEFINITELY SOME SISTAH-FUCKING GOING ON. AND WHAT'S WITH THE RANGE? WHAT DO THEY NEED? SHOPPING MALLS? FOOD COURTS? SOCCER FIELDS?

Scientists conclude that the panther's existing habitat is the bare minimum needed for the remaining population to survive. Five panthers have already been killed on south Florida highways this year, with an additional 24 panthers killed by vehicles in the preceding two years. This situation must not continue!

WHAT WERE THEY DOING ON THE HIGHWAYS ANYWAY? LOOKING FOR FAST FOOD NO DOUBT...AKA WALKERS. AND WHENEVER SOMEBODY GETS KILLED ON THE HIGHWAY AROUND HERE, YOU LATER FIND OUT THEY WERE DRUNK. MAY I SEE THE TOXICOLOGY REPORT ON THESE PANTHERS BEFORE I FUND ANYTHING, PUHLEEZE?

The Interior Department has the ability under the Endangered Species Act to protect the remaining habitat now. But Secretary Salazar needs to know the Florida panther is important to you. Tell him: Designate critical habitat for the Florida panther today! >>

THE FLORIDA PANTHER CAN COME LIVE HERE AND I WILL CHARGE HIM RENT. I'M NOT SURE HOW DRU WILL FEEL ABOUT SHARING HIS LITTERBOX BUT I THINK THEY'LL WORK IT OUT. IF HE'S NOCTURNAL THAT'S A PLUS. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN BRING A LITTER ALONG. ONE GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND AND NO SISTER FUCKERS PLEASE. TAKE THAT SHIT TO MAURY.

Thank you,
LiAnna
Care2 and ThePetitionSite Team

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