Simple Solutions to Life's Perplexing Liffeyness #11: The Intramarital Affair

               

There are at least four people in every love relationship:

1) The person A is.
2) The person B imagines A is.
3) The person B is.
4) The person A imagines B is.

And often the bed gets even more crowded...

5) The person A imagines B imagines A is.
6) The person B imagines A imagines B is.

And so on.

There can be hundreds of people in a simple queen or king size bed.

And the worst part is that, like most infestations, the parasitical entities are completely silent.

Worse than termites.

At most, they might whisper in the head of one of the two primary entities.

The most dangerous and damaging affairs will usually be that underhanded one which occurs between numbers 1 and 2, and the torrid one between numbers 3 and 4.

This intramarital affair is the source of most romantic breakups, even those also involving extramarital affairs, which are really mere red herrings.

It is suggested that one take a pre-emptive stance to avoid the nearly inevitable blossoming of the squalid love affairs between numbers 1 and 2 and 3 and 4.

And what, you certainly ask now, is the best preventative measure?

After many years study of this problem, I would suggest...masonry.

Masonry is easily learned and the building of that essential wall between the nefariously plotting numbers 1 and 2 (and 3 and 4) will usually yield adequate protection.

Make no mistake.

This wall will need to be added to yearly, both in height and thickness. Most likely it will also need to be soundproofed.

And one must check for holes diligently and constantly, because like the lovers Pyramus and Thisbe, these two will work diligently at your edifice.

They will scratch at it with their very fingernails, as if their life depended upon it.

But if you are a steadfast mason, you will be rewarded with a satisfying, amorous relationship in which the plethora of people that lie between you and your true love find themselves mere impotent ghosts.

And that is success.