People Who are Not Kevin Smith

1. Fiona Apple
2. Anderson Cooper
3. Loni Anderson
4. James Schuyler
5. You
6. Vlad the Impaler
7. Vlad the Carpet Sampler
8. Anybody with "Injun" as a prefix or epithet added to their name.
9. The first Steiff teddy bear with rods inside its body. You can see the rods if you x-ray the bear.
10. The eerie living bug that looks like a tiny wooly caterpillar shrunk by a shrink ray I found in a book that's well over a hundred years old.*


*Apparently without defenses of any sort. I stress apparently. I am not sure if this "apparently" makes this bug more or less like Kevin Smith. I can only state with a reasonable degree** of certainty it is, most likely, not Kevin Smith.***




**What would you like with those waffles?


**"Which Kevin Smith?" is an unfair question. Stop that.