Why Does Everyone Keep Saying "H1N1"

instead of "swine flu."

Is this some sort of political correctness towards viruses?

Or towards swine?


Or does it make the journalist feel like a scientist to say that?

They get to feel as though they're on Nova.


You're not on Nova.

It's a horrible thing.


You feel sick as a pig

and then you might die.


I probably touched it eighteen times today,

because I picked up every thing I saw at TARGET.


I almost bought this big hourglass filled with sand (looked more like sugar).


It was just the shape in clear thin glass, sort of chic.

Only 14.99, but what a stoopid impulse purchase.


Plus, I thought it was tempting fate.


And medieval design elements in one's dwelling are bad for one's sense of mortality.


With my O.C.D. I would just spend most of the day turning it over and feeling horrible about elapsing time, reciting that Marvell poem or something.


I bought almonds instead.


Almonds probably covered with swine flu.


And the cashier was probably covered in it too.


I'm probably sitting here with swine flu all over the space bar.


Did you notice every food product (especially the ones for kids) now says IMMUNITY on it in gigantic letters?


Doesn't that strike you as medieval?


It's really just another form of amulet.


It's wishful thinking and magic.


Because killer viruses and bacteria and prions and all that shit don't really care how much Vitamin C you have in your body.


It's mostly all about who got it on with whom fourteen centuries ago in your family--I mean, whether you're going to just be bitching about it or making people get all dressed up on a weekday to visit you in a room with way too many lilies.