I Have Absolutely No Idea What You Are Talking About

I have no idea what you're talking about.
I find myself feeling neither susceptible nor doubtful
as I enter your poem with the wariness of your typical IKEA shopper.
It's like this: if there were a crowbar in this store
it would be a Scandinavian crowbar,
hence suspect. It's not like Abba or Prozac,
something we can just accept on faith.
I'm sorry. I'm just not following you.
Is there a way you could signify what it is
you feel the poem should be saying to me
using only your hands or maybe the "rape reenactment doll"?
Maybe if you reconfigured food on this table
without going overboard like a theorist,
without quoting Wittgenstein or Napoleon Dynamite?
Does that bagel signify your intention in any way?
Could those extra ketchup and Horsey Sauce packets
critique whatever it is you are critiquing?
Are you trying to jump over something?
Am I standing in your way? Should I move
slightly to the left or right?
Is this like trying to urinate
in the presence of medical strangers...
is that what this poem feels like to you
trapped inside its body?
Perhaps if you used insidious camouflage
or said something like:
Readers offer zero panda paw knee. So I'm drinking.
Do you think that might help?
What if I faced a blank wall or held my breath
for the duration of the poem?
Would a retinal afterimage or hypoxia help?
When will you agree we can pull the plug?
The best poems are all already in heaven
where they sleep and Twitter all day long.
Don't be hating on them.
Would you like a receipt that I read it?
That should count for something,
like some nice sun tea after pity sex.
I also have this sigh I can make.
It's like a parking validation.
But decide now if you want it.
Don't come back later and say you've changed your mind.
I hate it when it starts getting all "mami papi."
See, once I fluff this pillow
consider the exchange terminated.
Could you please move your poem's ass?
It's covering my remote control.
Thanks. You great big sexy poem.
Now let momma watch her stories.
I think I already got yours.