Lee's Cell Phone

I don't have a cell phone. I have Lee's cell phone. He gave it to me when I began having this long illness with concomitant nervous breakdown since I have to talk to so many health professionals and go hither and yon many days. The thing is, I'm really stupid about how it works (I'm a candidate for that Alzheimer's phone, JITTERBUG, really) and the most annoying thing about Lee's phone is that it rings at the most inopportune moments....like when I'm explaining how I'm certain that I'm dying of this or that disease to some doctor or therapist...and then the phone rings and the ringtone is The Pussycat Dolls (which I don't know how to delete or reset or even turn off) so the phone starts singing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT LIKE ME...don't you wish your girlfriend was A FREAK LIKE ME? DONTCHA?" right in the middle of my death-spiel and it creates huge embarrassment and cognitive dissonance in the mind of the doctor or therapist. I handed it to one therapist who said she could turn the ringer off for me and then I realized the image Lee has on the front of the phone is these two naked men spooning, so that was just great too. Probably it was Colton Ford and Blake Bottomsley or whatever his boyfriend's name is. I thought he still had the Green Lantern on there. For some odd reason, he used to have "WHEN THE SAINTS COME MARCHING IN" as his ringtone and that always made the crazy people in the clinic waiting rooms laugh. I guess they don't realize what a funereal song that really is.