Saturday, February 28, 2009

Being a Part of Nature Means Never Having to Apologize for Things Like This...


How do you say, "Dude I was SO DRUNK last night!" in Giraffese?

I sense these two will be walking twenty or thirty feet out of each other's way the next few weeks or months to avoid the agony of animal small talk after the fact.

That is, unless the donkey tries to get his phone number.

One never knows.

What gene pool is the most fun to swim in.

Vote NO on PROPOSITION 9!!!

Proposition 9 is a new referendum that will be on the next ballot.

DID YOU KNOW...

PROPOSITION 9 WILL ALLOW THE GOVERNMENT TO PLACE FULL-GROWN GIRAFFES, WILDEBEESTS AND YAKS ON THE CHESTS OF HETEROSEXUAL CITIZENS.

THIS WILL OCCUR ANYTIME YOU LIE DOWN ON YOUR COUCH, YOUR BED OR IF YOU SHOULD HAVE HEART PALPITATIONS AND LIE DOWN ON THE SIDEWALK AND GASP FOR BREATH THINKING ABOUT THE SORT OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT MIGHT BE OCCURRING BEHIND BRICK WALLS AROUND YOU.

THE GOVERNMENT WILL COME OUT OF A NEARBY DOOR AND PLACE A FULL-GROWN GIRAFFE, WILDEBEEST OR YAK ON YOUR HETEROSEXUAL CHEST EVEN AS THE E.M.T.s ARE ATTENDING TO YOU AND THESE EMERGENCY PERSONNEL MAY NOT REMOVE THE GIRAFFE, WILDEBEEST OR YAK FROM YOUR HETEROSEXUAL CHEST UNDER PENALTY OF FEDERAL LAW!!!

IF THE GIRAFFE, WILDEBEEST OR YAK BEGINS SUFFERING HEART PALPITATIONS OR BREATHING DIFFICULTIES WHILE STANDING UPON YOUR CHEST THE E.M.T.s MUST TEND TO THAT GIRAFFE, WILDEBEEST OR YAK BEFORE THEY TEND TO YOU AND YOUR HEART AND/OR RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS!!!

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A FAIR LAW TO YOU???

UNDER PROPOSITION 9, CHILDREN MAY BE ALLOWED TO WITNESS GIRAFFES, WILDEBEESTS AND YAKS WHO ENDORSE NON-TRADITIONAL LIVING ARRANGEMENTS IN CARTOONS DEPICTING SUCH THINGS AS NON-TRADITIONAL INDIVIDUALS PLANNING TRIPS TO BERMUDA OR MAKING LASAGNA TOGETHER.

ALL OF THIS WILL HAPPEN WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT...IN SCHOOLS FUNDED BY YOUR TAX DOLLARS!

PROPOSITION 9 IS YET ANOTHER PHASE OF THE WAR IN WHICH SUCH INNOCUOUS LOOKING CREATURES AS GIRAFFES, WILDEBEESTS AND YAKS ARE BEING RECRUITED TO ASSIST THE NON-TRADITIONAL LIVING PEOPLE IN PUTTING UNDUE STRAIN ON THE HEARTS OF TRADITIONAL-LIVING PEOPLE LIKE MORMONS WHO BELIEVE IN TRUE AND PRACTICAL THINGS LIKE THE GREAT SALT LAKE AND THE DOCUMENT ABOUT THE GIANT TALKING LIZARD WHO GAVE FURTHER REVELATIONS TO MORMON PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH SO THEY BOUGHT THAT DOCUMENT AND HID IT. THEY BOUGHT IT AND HID IT FROM THE WORLD BECAUSE A TALKING LIZARD WAS JUST TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH EXPLAINING EVEN FOR A MORMON TO DO AND THEY ARE STILL ALL TIRED FROM DEFENDING THE JERRY SPRINGER POLYGAMIST EPISODES FROM THE NINETIES. SO IT WAS A FORGERY. THE MORMON CHURCH DIDN'T KNOW THAT BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER CRAZY SHIT THAT'S WRITTEN DOWN AND WE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. WE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING DID WE?

THE MORMON CHURCH IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT IT IS SPEARHEADING THE FIGHT AGAINST PROPOSITION 9 BEFORE IT IS EVEN INTRODUCED.

THE MORMON CHURCH IS ASKING FOR DONATIONS IN THE HOPES THAT IT MIGHT BUY UP ALL GIRAFFES, WILDEBEESTS AND YAKS BEFORE THESE CAN BE EMPLOYED IN DOING THE UNHOLY WORK OF PROPOSITION 9 AND BE DEPLOYED UPON HETEROSEXUAL CHESTS BY THE GODLESS ZEALOTS OF THE NON-TRADITIONAL COUCHES, SEX, LASAGNA-MAKING AND TRIP TO BERMUDA PLANNING.

THESE BEASTS WILL BE DISPLAYED IN A NEW ZOOLOGICAL GARDEN WHICH WILL BE LOCATED VERY CLOSE TO THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR. IN THIS WAY OUR WAR AGAINST THE NON-TRADITIONAL LIVING PEOPLE WILL REMAIN A TAX WRITE-OFF (YAY!) A NEW SONG HAS BEEN COMMISSIONED BY A MORMON COMPOSER TO CELEBRATE THE GATHERING OF THE FLOCKS AND HERDS IN THIS BATTLE TO PRESERVE THE EASY BREATHING OF ALL TRADITIONAL LIVING BEINGS WHO WALK IN LIGHT AND HAVE THE SALT OF THE EARTH ON THEIR FEET BECAUSE THEY LIVE NEAR A SALT LAKE.

OH, IN CASE ANYBODY HAS FORGOTTEN ROSEANN BARR IS STILL EXCOMMUNICATED, WHETHER SHE HAS A CAREER OR NOT.

VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 9.

YOUR CHILDREN HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT HAVING TO MOVE A WILDEBEEST FROM YOUR CHEST JUST SO THEY CAN GIVE YOU A HUG AT THE END OF THE DAY.

DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN AND THE FUTURE.

OTHERS FEAR ABSTRACTIONS. WE FEAR WILDEBEESTS.

Major Spoiler Alert: The Ending of One of My Favorite Movies

Sandra Oh is amazing in this movie, Don McKellar's Last Night.

The world is ending by meteor. People are all choosing how to spend their final days (in drastically different ways) and the movie follows a handful of these.

I suppose the science of this is bad, but it's the poetry that works.

This scene always makes me cry (probably you have to know Oh's character backstory to realize how plangent this scene really is).

I love the crazy doomsday jogger who runs through the movie like Medieval Death giving out the countdown.

If you haven't seen this movie, give it a try sometime!

Lots of humor to the thing too. It's not really a bleak movie.

Wendy Ho: "Bitch, I Stole Yo Purse..."

I first saw the clip where she performed this at Trannyshack.

Then I looked for an actual video and found this hilarious one.

The hits are pretty high, and I wondered why. Then I read in the comments there is some Nip Tuck connection (no doubt because of the transgender thang).

Anyway, funny. I have a few friends from the tough side of the town that look like Wendy in this video.

They're the girls I call when I need somebody to beat up a guy who's being mean to me or something.

I just buy them a bottle of Hypnotiq afterwards.



AH, I JUST READ ABOUT THE NIP/TUCK thing. They ripped the poor Ho off! Her fans tole her so! Figures it was Jennifer Coolidge playing her! I know she's considered the prototype MILF, but J.C. really has always struck me as a tranny girl. Certain angles, anyway.

But here's Wendy's response. I'm surprised she isn't lawyering up. But maybe she is.

Not sure. That parody thing is always difficult to gauge. And that's protected.




The Lion King in Icelandic

I am really digging these on YouTube.

Obviously the lyrics were changed to make them work in Icelandic, but z'nice!

Nice enough to make a warthog cry, so who are you to judge!! lol

Tunfiskur thanks so much!

Learn Icelandic with Bambi! Too Beautiful! Thank You, Tunfiskurinn!

It's fun how Bambi almost says "fuck!"

And fagur = pretty. How cool is that lol.

Fugl (bird) = so close to German Vogel for bird

and the du (don't have the character here) at the end of imperative is just adding the "you" part on to the command...ex. Hoppadu (not right character in penultimate place)..."hop you!"

Enjoy and soak up the language.

Much better than any Rosetta Stone or whatever...

Mothra's Song Interpreted by the Lovely Somebody or Other

Mothra Vs. Godzilla / Miracle on the Campus

Godzilla Vs. Mothra

I wonder what game system this is. Not bad at all.

"Slavoj Zizek Confirmed You as a Friend on Facebook"

:-)

I'm happy.

Here's my favorite part of his Wiki entry...


Žižek wrote text to accompany Bruce Weber photos in a catalog for Abercrombie & Fitch. Questioned as to the seemliness of a major intellectual writing ad copy, Žižek told the Boston Globe: "If I were asked to choose between doing things like this to earn money and becoming fully employed as an American academic, kissing ass to get a tenured post, I would with pleasure choose writing for such journals!"[9]

He is widely regarded as a fiery and colorful lecturer who does not shy away from controversial remarks. His three-part documentary The Pervert's Guide to Cinema was broadcast on British television by the More4 channel in July 2006 and is available on DVD. Žižek has been publishing on a regular basis in journals such as Lacanian Ink and In These Times in the United States, and in New Left Review and The London Review of Books in the United Kingdom. He is a fluent speaker of Slovene, Serbo-Croat, English, French and German. He was formerly married to philosopher Renata Salecl, and now to Argentine model and Lacanian scholar Analia Hounie.

Released in 2005, a feature documentary has been made about the life and work of Žižek entitled Žižek!, and 2007 saw the launch of the online International Journal of Žižek Studies.

"I Love My Dead Gay Son"

Young Nietzscheans in Love...

Twister 1989



The movie's theme is funnily reprised in a bar scene.

This movie was based on a novel written by the legendary Mary Robison.

Wiki her to get the scoop.

I've watched this movie too many times.

This is the Twister I Love. Not the Dumb One with the Flying Cows.

This is the one where William Burroughs appears.

The one where Crispin Glover becomes Gerard Malanga briefly.

(My friends hosted Gerard when he spent the night in Harrisburg.)

The one where Sylvia Plath and Amelia Earhart seem to share a secret identity.

The one where "Ireland is just a place. People go there all the time."

I love that Twister.

Ahh...Rilkean Heart...This Video Triptych Says it All for Me....

God, My Boyfriend and I Were So Stoned When We Used to Watch This (on USA's Night Flight I think)

Dog Boy (from MTV's Liquid Television)

Hair prosthetics rule.

This is the show that launched Aeon Flux.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Damn! YouTube Wiped Out Strangers with Candy Clips!

I couldn't find anything from the regular episodes of Strangers with Candy on YouTube! They must be holding that copyright tight!

This is funny but not Strangers (sigh).

The Future of All Security Breaches is Written Right Here (Implicitly) at Wikipedia

The hardware approach is already Victorian...disregard that...Yung and Young use the "claim to be a victim" approach...but this has already been defeated...Wiki is not up to date here...



Keystroke logging (often called keylogging) is a method of capturing and recording user keystrokes. The technique and name came from before the era of the graphical user interface; loggers nowadays would expect to capture mouse operations and screenshots. Keylogging can be useful to determine sources of errors in computer systems, to study how users interact and access with systems, and is sometimes used to measure employee productivity on certain clerical tasks. Such systems are also highly useful for both law enforcement and law-breaking—for instance, providing a means to obtain passwords or encryption keys and thus bypassing other security measures. Keyloggers are widely available on the Internet.

There are currently two types of keylogging methods, hardware and software based.

Contents

1 Application
1.1 Types of keystroke loggers
2 Cracking
2.1 Trojan
2.2 Ciphertext
2.2.1 Federal Bureau of Investigation
2.3 Use in surveillance software
3 Keylogger prevention
3.1 Code signing
3.2 Monitoring what programs are running
3.3 Anti-spyware
3.4 Firewall
3.5 Network monitors
3.6 Automatic form filler programs
3.7 Alternative keyboard layouts
3.8 One-time passwords (OTP)
3.9 Smart cards
3.10 On-screen keyboards
3.10.1 Program-to-program (non-web) keyboards
3.10.2 Web-based keyboards
3.11 Anti-keylogging software
3.12 Speech recognition
3.13 Handwriting recognition and mouse gestures
3.14 Macro expanders/recorders
3.15 Window transparency
3.16 Non-technological methods
4 References
5 See also
6 External links



Application

Hardware key loggers are commercially available devices which come in three types: inline devices that are attached to the keyboard cable, devices which can be installed inside standard keyboards, and actual replacement keyboards that contain the key logger already built-in.

When used covertly, inline devices are easily detected by a glance at the keyboard connector plugged into the computer. Of the three types, the most difficult to install is also the most difficult to detect. The device that installs inside a keyboard (presumably the keyboard the target has been using all along) requires soldering skill and extended access to the keyboard to be modified. However, once in place, this type of device is virtually undetectable unless specifically looked for.


Types of keystroke loggers

1) Local Machine software Keyloggers are software programs that are designed to work on the target computer’s operating system. From a technical perspective there are four categories:

Hypervisor-based: The keylogger resides in a malware hypervisor running underneath the operating system, which remains untouched, except that it effectively becomes a virtual machine. See Blue Pill for a conceptual example.
Kernel based: This method is difficult both to write and to combat. Such keyloggers reside at the kernel level and are thus difficult to detect, especially for user-mode applications. They are frequently implemented as rootkits that subvert the operating system kernel and gain unauthorized access to the hardware which makes them very powerful. A keylogger using this method can act as a keyboard driver for example, and thus gain access to any information typed on the keyboard as it goes to the operating system.
Hook based: Such keyloggers hook the keyboard with functions provided by the operating system. The operating system warns them any time a key is pressed and it records it.
Passive Methods: Here the coder uses operating system APIs like GetAsyncKeyState(), GetForegroundWindow(), etc. to poll the state of the keyboard or to subscribe to keyboard events. These are the easiest to write, but where constant polling of each key is required, they can cause a noticeable increase in CPU usage and can miss the occasional key. A more recent example simply polls the BIOS for preboot authentication PINs that have not been cleared from memory.[1]
Form Grabber based logs web form submissions by recording the web browsing .onsubmit event functions. This records form data before it is passed over the internet and bypasses https encryption.
2) Remote Access software Keyloggers are local software keyloggers programmed with an added feature to transmit recorded data out of the target computer and make the data available to the monitor at a remote location. Remote communication is facilitated by one of four methods:

Data is uploaded to a website or an ftp account.
Data is periodically emailed to a pre-defined email address.
Data is wirelessly transmitted by means of an attached hardware system.
It allows the monitor to log into the local machine via the internet or ethernet and access the logs stored on the target machine.
It has been suggested that Hardware keylogger be merged into this article or section. (Discuss)

3) Hardware Keyloggers are used for keystroke logging by means of a hardware circuit that is attached somewhere in between the computer keyboard and the computer. It logs all keyboard activity to its internal memory, which can subsequently be accessed, for example, by typing in a secret key. A hardware keylogger has an advantage over a software solution; because it is not dependent on the computer's operating system, it will not interfere with any program running on the target machine and hence cannot be detected by any software, however its physical presence may be detected.

4) Remote Access Hardware Keyloggers, otherwise known as Wireless Hardware Keyloggers, work in much the same way as regular hardware keyloggers, except they have the ability to be controlled and monitored remotely by means of a wireless communication standard.

5) Wireless Keylogger sniffers collect packets of data being transferred from a wireless keyboard and its receiver and then attempts to crack the encryption key being used to secure wireless communications between the two devices.

6) Acoustic Keyloggers work by analyzing a recording of the sound created by someone typing on a computer. Each character on the keyboard makes a subtly different acoustic signature when stroked. Using statistical methods, it is then possible to identify which keystroke signature relates to which keyboard character. This is done by analyzing the repetition frequency of similar acoustic keystroke signatures, the timings between different keyboard strokes and other context information such as the probable language in which the user is writing. A fairly long recording (1000 or more keystrokes) is required so that the statistics are meaningful.

7) Electromagnetic Radiation loggers work by passively capturing electromagnetic emissions of a keyboard, without being physically wired to it.[2]


Cracking

Writing software applications for keylogging is trivial, and like any computer program can be distributed as a trojan horse or as part of a virus. What is not trivial however, is installing a keystroke logger without getting caught and downloading data that has been logged without being traced. An attacker that manually connects to a host machine to download logged keystrokes risks being traced. A trojan that sends keylogged data to a fixed e-mail address or IP address risks exposing the attacker.


Trojan

Young and Yung devised several methods for solving this problem and presented them in their 1997 IEEE Security & Privacy paper[3] (their paper from '96 touches on it as well). They presented a deniable password snatching attack in which the keystroke logging trojan is installed using a virus (or worm). An attacker that is caught with the virus or worm can claim to be a victim. The cryptotrojan asymmetrically encrypts the pilfered login/password pairs using the public key of the trojan author and covertly broadcasts the resulting ciphertext. They mentioned that the ciphertext can be steganographically encoded and posted to a public bulletin board (e.g. Usenet).


[edit] Ciphertext
Young and Yung also mentioned having the cryptotrojan unconditionally write the asymmetric ciphertexts to the last few unused sectors of every writable disk that is inserted into the machine. The sectors remain marked as unused. This can be done using a USB token. So, the trojan author may be one of dozens or even thousands of people that are given the stolen information. Only the trojan author can decrypt the ciphertext because only the author knows the needed private decryption key. This attack is from the field known as cryptovirology.


Federal Bureau of Investigation

The FBI used a keystroke logger to obtain the PGP passphrase of Nicodemo Scarfo, Jr., son of mob boss Nicodemo Scarfo. Scarfo Jr. pleaded guilty to running an illegal gambling operation in 2002.[4] The FBI has also reportedly developed a trojan-horse-delivered keylogger program known as Magic Lantern.[5]


Use in surveillance software

Some surveillance software has keystroke logging abilities and is advertised to monitor the internet use of minors. Such software has been criticized on privacy grounds, and because it can be used maliciously or to gain unauthorized access to users' computer systems.

Keylogger prevention

Currently there is no easy way to prevent keylogging. In the future, it is believed[who?] that software with secure I/O will be protected from keyloggers. Until then, however, the best strategy is to use common sense and a combination of several methods. It is possible to use software to monitor the connectivity of the keyboard and log the absence as a countermeasure against physical keyloggers. For a PS/2 keyboard, the timeout bit (BIT6 at port 100) has to be monitored. [6] But this only makes sense when the PC is (nearly) always on.


Code signing

64-bit versions of Windows Vista and Server 2008 implement mandatory digital signing of kernel-mode device drivers[7], thereby restricting the installation of key-logging rootkits.


Monitoring what programs are running

A user should constantly observe what programs are installed and running on his or her machine.


Anti-spyware

Anti-spyware applications are able to detect many keyloggers and cleanse them. Responsible vendors of monitoring software support detection by anti-spyware programs, thus preventing abuse of the software.


Firewall

Enabling a firewall does not stop keyloggers per se, but can possibly prevent transmission of the logged material over the net if properly configured.


Network monitors

Network monitors (also known as reverse-firewalls) can be used to alert the user whenever an application attempts to make a network connection. This gives the user the chance to prevent the keylogger from "phoning home" with his or her typed information.

Automatic form filler programs

Automatic form-filling programs can prevent keylogging entirely by not using the keyboard at all. Form fillers are primarily designed for web browsers to fill in checkout pages and log users into their accounts. Once the user's account and credit card information has been entered into the program, it will be automatically entered into forms without ever using the keyboard or clipboard, thereby reducing the possibility that private data is being recorded. (Someone with access to browser internals and/or memory can often still get to this information; if SSL is not used, network sniffers and proxy tools can easily be used to obtain private information too.)

It is important to generate passwords in a fashion that is invisible to keyloggers and screenshot utilities. Using a browser integrated form filler and password generator that does not just pop up a password on the screen is therefore key. Programs that do this can generate and fill passwords without ever using the keyboard or clipboard.


Alternative keyboard layouts

Most keylogging hardware/software assumes that a person is using the standard QWERTY keyboard layout, so by using a layout such as Dvorak, captured keystrokes are nonsense unless converted. For additional security, custom keyboard layouts can be created using tools like the Microsoft Keyboard Layout Creator.


One-time passwords (OTP)

Using one-time passwords is completely keylogger-safe because the recorded password is always invalidated right after it's used. This solution is useful if you are often using public computers where you can't verify what is running on them. One-time passwords also prevent replay attacks where an attacker uses the old information to impersonate. One example is online banking where one-time passwords are implemented and prevents the account from keylogging attacks as well as replay attacks.


Smart cards

Because of the integrated circuit of smart cards, they are not affected by keylogger and other logging attempts. A smart card can process the information and return back a unique challenge every time you login. The information cannot usually be used to login again.


On-screen keyboards

Program-to-program (non-web) keyboards

It is sometimes said that a third-party (or first party) on-screen keyboard program is a good way to combat keyloggers, as it only requires clicks of the mouse. However, this is not always true.

Most on screen keyboards (such as the onscreen keyboard that comes with Microsoft Windows XP) send keyboard event messages to the external target program to type text. Every software keylogger can log these typed characters sent from one program to another. Additionally, some programs also record or take snapshots of what is displayed on the screen (periodically, and/or upon each mouse click).

However, there are some on-screen keyboard programs that do offer some protection, using other techniques described in this article (such as dragging and dropping the password from the on-screen keyboard to the target program).


Web-based keyboards

Web-based on-screen keyboards (written in Javascript, etc.) may provide some degree of protection. At least some commercial keylogging programs do not record typing on a web-based virtual keyboard. (Screenshot recorders are a concern whenever entire passwords are displayed; fast recorders are generally required to capture a sequence of virtual key presses.)

Notably, the game MapleStory uses, in addition to a standard alphanumeric password, a 4-digit PIN code secured by both on-screen keyboard entry and a randomly changing button pattern; there is no real way to get the latter information without logging the screen and mouse movements; another MMORPG called RuneScape makes a similar system available for players to protect their in-game bank accounts.

Many banks uses the web-based screen keyboard to prevent key logging. HSBC is one of them.


Anti-keylogging software

Keylogger detection software is also available. Some of this type of software use "signatures" from a list of all known keyloggers. The PC's legitimate users can then periodically run a scan from this list, and the software looks for the items from the list on the hard-drive. One drawback of this approach is that it only protects from keyloggers on the signature-based list, with the PC remaining vulnerable to other keyloggers.

Other detection software doesn't use a signature list, but instead analyzes the working methods of many modules in the PC, allowing it to block the work of many different types of keylogger. One drawback of this approach is that it can also block legitimate, non-keylogging software. Some heuristics-based anti-keyloggers have the option to unblock known good software, but this can cause difficulties for inexperienced users.


Speech recognition

Similar to on-screen keyboards, speech-to-text conversion software can also be used against keyloggers, since there are no typing or mouse movements involved. The weakest point of using voice-recognition software may be how the software sends the recognized text to target software after the recognition took place.


Handwriting recognition and mouse gestures

Also, many PDAs and lately Tablet PCs can already convert pen (also called stylus) movements on their touchscreens to computer understandable text successfully. Mouse gestures utilize this principle by using mouse movements instead of a stylus. Mouse gesture programs convert these strokes to user-definable actions, among others typing text. Similarly, graphics tablets and light pens can be used to input these gestures, however, these are getting used less commonly everyday.

The same potential weakness of speech recognition applies to this technique as well.


Macro expanders/recorders

With the help of many Freeware/Shareware programs, a seemingly meaningless text can be expanded to a meaningful text and most of the time context-sensitively, e.g. "we" can be expanded "en.Wikipedia.org" when a browser window has the focus. The biggest weakness of this technique is that these programs send their keystrokes directly to the target program. However, this can be overcome by using the 'alternating' technique described below, i.e. sending mouse clicks to non-responsive areas of the target program, sending meaningless keys, sending another mouse click to target area (e.g. password field) and switching back and forth.


Window transparency

Using many readily available utilities, the target window could be made temporarily transparent, in order to hinder screen-capturing by advanced keyloggers.[citation needed] Although not a fool-proof technique against keyloggers on its own, this could be used in combination with other techniques.

Non-technological methods
Some keyloggers can be fooled by alternating between typing the login credentials and typing characters somewhere else in the focus window.[8] Similarly, a user can move their cursor using the mouse during typing, causing the logged keystrokes to be in the wrong order e.g. by typing a password beginning with the last letter and then using the mouse to move the cursor for each subsequent letter. Lastly, someone can also use context menus to remove, copy, cut and paste parts of the typed text without using the keyboard.

Another very similar technique utilizes the fact that any selected text portion is replaced by the next key typed. E.g. if the password is "secret", one could type "s", then some dummy keys "asdfsd". Then these dummies could be selected with mouse, and next character from the password "e" is typed, which replaces the dummies "asdfsd

Easily My Favorite Morrissey Song and My Favorite to Sing



Love the lyrics. Awesome song.

Perfect Way

Supergay Videos: Absolute



This song and this video are so mired in the eighties.

I love it.

Especially its toy shop break.

Supergay Videos: Wood Beez

I love love love Scritti Politti.

And they are not on my Media Player, which is a crime.

This is a supersupergay video.

Don't all the men in this video look like they menstruate? Just a little bit?

I had some awesome remixes of this song. It lends itself to it well.

The album this came from was Cupid & Psyche (1985).

Green was such a hottie in some of the other videos.

He was obsessed with glossalalia and wrote about it, and was fascinated by Michael Jackson's use of glosalalia.

Ignatus: L'Argent

OMFG is that HUGO: THE MAN OF A THOUSAND DISGUISES in the foreground? I so wanted that toy when I was a kid!!! I should EBAY and buy him finally! It's only been thirty years!!

Ignatus: Hilarious Video/Great Song

Ignatus is So Strange

I Can't Agree Strongly Enough with This



"They stop Cthulu eating ye"

A Brief Play by Dead Philip Whalen

Soothsayer

(.)(.)

Boobies.

PORTIA

Come thou hast not?

Soothsayer

He chance.
Good as go in. heart facing give me a holy boy,
if mine own.

If you're a not goner:

Why dost I do it hard lord and take it again and again,
And bring you.

I'm abouts to severally stay?


LUCIUS

Soothsayer couldst be narrow:
The heels,
Of senators, feeble man woman's might.
How keep counsel!
Art bitch.

Why doth bustling rumour, it's a Capitol?


PORTIA hast at the crowd


I DOWN.

Run, Lucius, I am heard a wind brings thou
any I know many here thou shouldst art
under
work with thy palm slickly forth:
from hither, fellow: street, before LUCIUS

Run!

PORTIA at senate whore/steak-house

Stay there.
O what a huge you have a along.

A huge schlong.

Yeah boieee!

Exit pursued by a Senator.

Soothsayer

PORTIA, how ghetto-triflin' Dog;
Say Shakespeare Sassy
answer thou thou

Why, the stars know'st

None that a thing
The Hummer speed heard he went
Caesar doth suckle, what can we afford?

Thou is YOU my side,
Set and tongue!

I? what suitors is that?

Look, look!

Lucius Caesar sista
masturbates by the roadside.

Exeunt all.

A RAT WITH STRAWBERRY SPEAKS:

Making to add a pass
I would again,
Ere Caesar be common O Brutus,
Thou hast thy sass i.v.

Insert it.

Another crackin' thou wouldst
yet gone of me to great HELP

Dost thou like my mousey smock?

I bought it in the agora yestreen.

Put his hand up your heart,
Brutus, Kill him
Care for noise

as I do, I do.



SCENE BY ITSELF

Prithee, wasn't
It Caesar
Will, death:
I'll get and there
Speak yet?

Boring

spaces
of language.

LUCIUS

Who is talking?

SCENE GROWS SILENT.

(Lucius holds the tongue of
someone.

Wyrd.

Enter the BEATING HEART OF BRUTUS.

Enter boy, on the beating cusps of I me mine where my where I word, and commend Crunk: come flow and get thee out of harm's intended will and way.

More void, is!

Daily.

A TRANNY GODDESS OF ROME APPEARS. IT IS BRUTUS DRESSED AS PORTIA.

Hark, boy! I turn lady.

PORTIA

What runs up me, but
a chilled cock
Excuse me, but a woman ain't thee Brutus

It hath a few more scenes. I see
in your pants hanging

the same point'd sundial.

PORTIA

Sure, a suit
is about to press to
the past again.

You buggin. Crack.

PORTIA is none to Caesar, yeah.

Oh, the WAL-MART greeter mind,
we have all lost it.

I fray,
And to a part of there, thee

I'm hungry for sugar babies
not cum.

SOOTHSAYER

Look! He comes Ay de mi,
Brutus be a woman to palmer's kiss.

Ask him to smack your ass
and say "Who yo Daddy? Who yo Daddy?"


BRUTUS


Okay.

I suppose it's history.

Portia tart me.


Be sweet, the moment
ripens as we strike

with Love's Intent.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dead Philip Whalen Has a Blog!

I feel so betrayed!

His header reads "I ain't just your psychopomp, bitch."

He promised this won't change our relationship and then asked me to add him to my blogroll.

And to add myself as a follower.

And he used my Blogger account to create it.

The noive.

I feel so manipulated.

I feel stabbed.

The Dead, apparently, have an agenda.

Bitch even has Statcounter, I see.

Oh, it wasn't enough in your lifetime, Philip, was it?

It's just never enough.

I got your sutra.

If you care about The Afterlife and its outspoken adherents, you can find him here...

Gone but won't shut up.

I Enjoyed Reading This...

This person gives great precis.

Making Shakespeare Sassy

I wanted to try to add some sass to a few scenes from Shakespeare.


SCENE IV. Another part of the same street, before the house of BRUTUS.

Enter PORTIA and LUCIUS
PORTIA
I prithee, boy, run to the senate-house;
Stay not to answer me, but get thee gone:
Why dost thou stay?

LUCIUS
Excuse me, dost thou see a HOW MAY I HELP YOU printed
on the back of my smock?

Didst thou pass a WAL-MART greeter on the way here?

PORTIA
I would have had thee there, and here again,
Ere I can tell thee what thou shouldst do there.
O constancy, be strong upon my side,
Set a huge mountain 'tween my heart and tongue!
I have a man's mind, but a woman's might.
How hard it is for women to keep counsel!
Art thou here yet?

LUCIUS

I ain't your bitch.

Why art thou still talking?

(Lucius holds up hand, palm facing Portia)

Talk to the place where I give holy palmer's kiss.


PORTIA
Yes, bring me word, boy, if thy lord look well,
For he went sickly forth: and take good note
What Caesar doth, what suitors press to him.
Hark, boy! what noise is that?

LUCIUS

You buggin. I don't care if Caesar doth crack.

PORTIA
Prithee, listen well;
I heard a bustling rumour, like a fray,
And the wind brings it from the Capitol.

LUCIUS

Wyrd.

Enter the Soothsayer

PORTIA
Come hither, fellow: which way hast thou been?

Soothsayer
At mine own house, good lady.

PORTIA
What is't o'clock?

Soothsayer

If your Daddy wasn't crackin' thou couldst afford a sundial.

PORTIA
Is Caesar yet gone to the Capitol?

Soothsayer

It ain't none of mine.

PORTIA
Thou hast some suit to Caesar, hast thou not?

Soothsayer

He owe me yeah.

PORTIA
Why, know'st thou any harm's intended towards him?

Soothsayer

None that I know will be, much that I fear may chance.
Good morrow to you. Here the street is narrow:
The throng that follows Caesar at the heels,
Of senators, of praetors, common suitors,
Will crowd a feeble man almost to death:
I'll get me to a place more void, and there
Speak to great Caesar as he comes along.

Yeah boieee!

Exit

PORTIA


I must go in. Ay me, how ghetto-triflin' a thing
The heart of woman is! O Brutus,
Thy Hummer speed thee in thine enterprise!
Sure, the foo' heard me: Brutus hath a suit
That Snoop Caesar will not grant. He's about to LAY IT DOWN.
Run, Lucius, and commend me to thy Dog;
Say I am crunk: come to me again,
And bring me the flow that he gizzy you.

I'm abouts to kill me some HYPNOTIQUE, sista.

Exeunt severally

WTF is Bebo?

People keep adding me on Bebo.

Isn't that the little metal owl in Clash of the Titans?

Wait, that's Bubo.

Right? Close?

I know it means "I drink" in other tongues so maybe I should join.

Because I do. Bebo.

Ask the handsome latin guy, "Tu bebes, baybee?.

Buboes were bad things during the Plague.

At first, I thought it was spam then I recognized some of the names.

I could Google it but fuck it.

I can't join another "social utility" site.

Even Batman only needed one utility belt.

Peter Maloney's Blog is Fugrilliant...

Fugrilliant is a new portmanteau word and condensation for "fucking brilliant"

You said I got you high.

Well you got me high back, Peter.

Check out this guy's visual sensibility and his original paintings on his site...

Awesome. World class stuff.

Here...

Erotic waveforms. Exothermic. Endothermic.

I'll add him to my blogroll: Bodies in Motion is the blog name.

Australian. Gay. Erotic.

The Triple Crown.

Enjoy!

Jack Kimball on David Orr

was interesting to me. Thanks for pointing me to that Jack, with your blog post of a few days ago.

I read it, and I have to say the only comment I would like to make to Mr. Orr is: sounds like a personal problem to me, buddy.

I have no problem whatsoever with finding greatness in contemporary poetry, among poets who are actually living and breathing.

I'd suggest Mr. Orr is reading the wrong books.

And this paragraph by Mr. Orr:

"What, then, do we assume greatness looks like? There is no one true answer to that question, no neat test or rule, since our unconscious assumptions are by nature unsystematic and occasionally contradictory. Generally speaking, though, the style we have in mind tends to be grand, sober, sweeping — unapologetically authoritative and often overtly rhetorical. It’s less likely to involve words like “canary” and “sniffle” and “widget” and more likely to involve words like “nation” and “soul” and “language.” And the persona we associate with greatness is something, you know, exceptional — an aristocrat, a rebel, a statesman, an apostate, a mad-eyed genius who has drunk from the Fountain of Truth and tasted the Fruit of Knowledge and donned the Beret of. . . . Well, anyway, it’s somebody who takes himself very seriously and demands that we do so as well. Greatness implies scale, and a great poet is a big sensibility writing about big things in a big way."

Jack, I think you deconstructed this well, showed the phallocentric (okay whip me for using that word but....!!) quantitative rather than qualitative thinking which is behind sentences like these; to wit, a fetishization of authority, massiveness, publishing tumescence and an equation of these merely historical and temporary things with greatness.

"Canary" and "sniffle" and "widget" would appeal to Frank O'Hara more than the grand abstractions which Orr valorizes as somehow more innately "poetic."

Everybody wants the grand and hates the grandiose.

Didn't Gertrude Stein say somewhere that everybody already knows everything anyway? In some locution or other?

We all know about those grandiose thoughts that failed the world.

Tell us something different.

Wallace Stevens was all about the grandiose thoughts that failed the world.

His poetry was often an eloquent eulogy spoken over those ideas.

Sometimes Stevens was grand and sometimes Stevens was merely grandiose. Sometimes he was both and sometimes he was embarrassingly florid, rubicund with ardor and supergay.

Orr seems to recognize O'Hara as great, but doesn't seem to realize that O'Hara was never a poet of ideas. He had no use for the grand themes Orr valorizes unless he was making fun of them as untenable and merely silly. He understood the various arts and their plasticities and their hearts and could translate these things into the English language, yes.

He could transmute a Franz Kline painting into a love poem.

What was great about O'Hara's writing was its heart, its muddled heart like a snowy New York street with feet pressed down into it. Ashes under feet. He was a mess. His poetry was a mess. He was laughing the whole time.

This is why he "got" Russian poetry. Or the most extravagant Russians like Mayakovsky.

He wrote tilting, lurching, pining, horny, idealistic, depressed, funny, deadly serious poems.

He didn't have Prozac or whatever the latest drug du jour is.

He had alcohol.

He had hook ups.

He had looking at great art and writing about it as his job.

He had good, smart friends and artists around him to feed his mind and to steal from.

Yes, he addressed the nation on segregation and letting your kids discover their sexuality at the movies and everything else. But he didn't do it in that rhetorical way Orr is pining for above.

He just illuminated everything with his insane, Petronian personality.

Here's the real secret of great poets and great poetry that Orr is missing: We need to like you.

For you to be a great poet (and this is so damn unfair!) we need to actually like you as a person.

I need to feel you are with me at some level or on many levels.

Nobody can like Robert Lowell. Not really. Could you have walked into a room and sat in a chair opposite him and had a conversation and not an interview.

No. You couldn't. Stop lying.

Only if you are a mirror image of him and god help you if you are.

Now Anne Sexton. You could have talked to her. She would have laughed at herself and you would have laughed at yourself and you would feel funny when you walked out of the room where she was, as though you had just lost something.

That's what it's all about.

It is a horrible popularity contest after all.

Oh no!

You become popular for a reason. Or you don't. For a reason.

Your poetry has to be useful to my neurosis, my fears about the probable meaninglessness of the universe, my ridiculous sex drive, my fears that I am not as worthy as the person riding next to me on the bus who is much better dressed than I am, my fears that my goldfish is going to die while I'm on vacation, my worries about what language really is and if it really reflects reality in any significant way...whatever lol....

Your poetry has to befriend me.

This is why I no longer read the poetry of Eliot or Pound.

They suck as friends.

This is why I read Lorine Niedecker. Why I read Ted Berrigan. Why I read Eileen Myles. Why I read Wislawa Szymborska.

And if you're having problems finding great living poets, here is a list of poets who match any of those poets Orr is eulogizing and lamenting as lost...

Alice Notley. Adrienne Rich. Anne Carson. Bernadette Mayer. Eileen Myles. Robin Blaser. Rae Armantrout. Rachel Blau DuPlessis. Elke Erb. John Taggart. Amiri Baraka. Leslie Scalapino. Clark Coolidge. Lyn Hejinian. Susan Howe. Fanny Howe. Rosmarie Waldrop. Robert Kelly. Louise Gluck. Henri Cole. Wislawa Szymborska. John Yau. Michael Palmer. Mei-mei Berssenbrugge. Harryette Mullen. Joan Retallack.

These writers are alive to millions of minds. These writers are crossing the borders between nations and between supposedly irreconcilable conceptions of poetry.

Why is Orr living fifty years in the past? Why is he pining?

Did The Times really feel that what we need is another reactionary article, another thinly-disguised, premature lament on "the death of poetry"?

Those articles only signify the death of one reader's interest.

As I wrote above, it sounds like a personal problem.

Is The Times where we are to air our personal problems now? Because if it is, I want to tell them about the water not going down my bathtub as quickly as I would like it to when I remove the plastic thingie.

I have no doubt that many of the poets I listed above will be read for generations, and that their reputations will pull many of them up even with and often past any of the reputations of the twentieth century poets he cites as paragons of poetic greatness in that article.

I like Elizabeth Bishop quite a bit, but I think the plethora of published esteem I encounter of late for her meticulous sort of craftsmanship and the obvious good heart of her poetry is becoming a tad saccharine at this point.

Yes, she's a great poet, Bishop, but if you would pick Bishop over Niedecker, I feel sorry for you. Okay, that was smug. But really. I mean if you like that sort of thing, Frost does it ten times better. Frost and Bishop could be brother and sister really.

Alright enough kvetching.

I am so grateful that I have found the writing of so many great contemporary poets and that their writing lives with me and within me. And that I have new books by these authors to which I can look forward.

Because they are, like, living.

Yeah, I'll read O'Hara and Bishop and (in a blue moon) Ashbery and the rest of the writers whose marble busts Orr burnishes with a tear-soaked chamois.

But think outside the syllabi dude.

The bookstore ain't exactly the veldt, but it's got a helluva lot more interesting wildlife than most universities.

And the net. Why that's even wilder.

Look at all the freaky creatures peeking at you through the pampas grasses around these parts.

It gives me quite a thrill.

It's too soon for hanging the statues with a pall and walking with a candelabrum down the dusty halls of poetic history and rubbing the marble pates of poetic busts.

We got live ones here!

Poke them instead.

Blogger, I Already Have "Functionality" Issues

I am having problems already with Blogger. This is making me late for my bath. This is not good.

Peter Maloney, I tried to leave a response to your comment like five times....the one where you talk about Ivan Milat mailing his finger to the High Court...I couldn't get it to take.

I signed off and back on and tried again. No good. I tried leaving the comment while not signed in and then signing in after. No good.

The comment just stays there in the comment box.

I cut and pasted. Here's what I was trying to say in the appropriate place, Peter.

Blogger is in a bad way. Seriously.






What a great compliment---saying my blog should perhaps be a controlled substance lol!

Thanks!

I did know about Ivan trying to post his finger.

I think that will sort of become legendary in that gruesome world.

And the press loved it, because it made great copy: "MILAT GIVES THE FINGER TO THE COURT."

I suppose the movie Wolf Creek was based loosely on him.

I only knew about the finger posting because I was Googling serial killers for material for my Birthday Book for Serial Killers (after Gertrude Stein). I only wrote January so far. I forget if I included him. I'm fairly sure I did, but I have no mind from day to day.

I think as with Bundy the desire for escape and to kill again is very strong with Milat.

The human mind is very flexible, as the Dalai Lama would tell him.

If he must be tortured by desire, you'd think he could at least substitute obsessions so that he became one of the world's most notorious hatmakers or Scrabble Players. If he became really, really good at some new hobby, he might eventually get the serial killer notoriety downgraded to just an asterisk on his name.

as in...

*Ivan Milat was also once an infamous serial killer (in the distant past).

or...

"Did you know that top-ranked Scrabble player Ivan Milat was once famous....as a serial killer?!? Amazing but true."

This is, after all, a life of second chances.

Well, if Ivan Milat didn't kill you it is.

Hear this Spoken in My Rainman Voice...

Blogger made changes. I don't like changes. Changes aren't good. I notice design issues, redesign, redesign in the night when I was sleeping. Not good the changes. Why did Blogger make changes. Changes arranges this isn't good. I have to go to K Mart now. I need to talk to people at K Mart about the redesign issues. Where is Martha Stewart. Give me the phone. Get me K Mart on the phone and Martha Stewart. Why do changes occur when I am sleeping. Always when I am sleeping. It's time for Wapner. Where's my Wapner. Why did Blogger make changes? Who told them it was okay to make my Blogger page look different? I'm going to need a notebook to write this all down. This is not the way it looked when I went to sleep. This is big. This is bigger than K Mart or Martha Stewart. I just burned my hand on an iron I was using to try to fix the screen.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What's in a Sentence? The Quintessence of Style. A Quiz for You.

I grabbed some books near my computer and chose a single sentence at random from them.

Can you match the author to the correct sentence?

Just leave your responses in the Comments Box if you are up for the challenge and I'll tell you how many you got correct but won't specify which ones were right and which wrong.

Highest correct score wins something abstract like a sense of pride or jubilation.

Sorry. Concrete prizes would have to be shipped and I'm too lazy and poor.

Okay, here yall go...


1. "I Remember seeing my mother's dead body: It was Christmas Day so the morgue-men or the policemen or whatever-you-call-them wanted to get out of the morgue by four so they were kind of pissed off I wanted to see my mother or had to see her."


2. "After you recognize the nature of the mind as luminosity and knowing, stay with it."


3. "Only once in Paris did I have cause to blush for my American citizenship."


4. "I will never let anyone--not anyone--try to put them into that crazy box--not even if the sky should fall or the earth crack open with a roar."


5. "But to eat an apple without holding it in your hands is not at all easy."


6. "I don't know. Billy, aren't you 27? How old are you? Oh. He's 25."


7. "'I adore the Salvation Army,' he said, with what relevance nobody will ever know."


8. "They began with a hyperdilation of a pronouncement of Nietzsche's to the effect that there can be no absolute truth, merely many 'truths,' which are the tools of various groups, classes or forces."


9. "'I hope those motherfuckers get really fair trails so they get what they deserve and die'."


10. "He's murdered us ever since we can remember, every one of us, our sisters, our mothers, our brothers!"


11. "This is a sissy still life."


12. "Nothing remains of you except this floating absence, ambulatory, that fills the screen, that peoples by itself, why not?"


13. "In this world there is no place for sadness: no place; not one."


14. "I could gladly lie down and sleep forver beside this road."


15. "Men are sometimes kissing and sometimes drinking."





THE AUTHORS ARE....


1. Marguerite Duras

2. Raymond Carver

3. James Weldon Johson

4. The Dalai Lama

5. Gertrude Stein

6. Joe Brainard

7. Banana Yoshimoto

8. Tom Wolfe

9. Felix Salten (author of Bambi)

10. Tao Lin

11. Muriel Spark

12. Andy Warhol

13. Haruki Murakami

14. Kathy Acker

15. Roald Dahl

Roland Topor

How did this guy fly under my radar?! And I even love some of Dusan Makavejev's films! The Coca-Cola Kid was such a charmingly fluffy movie.

I love that de Sade's penis had its own puppet!

What is that Panic Movement?

That sounds like me. I have to read more and see more by this man!

Oh, now I see. The Fantastic Planet! Now that I own and love.

I used to love watching that stoned when I was a kid.

"Ter...ter..."

Okay, I just seemed to have forgotten the name.

But I want to see his other work!

from Wiki...

Chronology

"Pour Laura" - Roland ToporTopor published several books of drawings, including Dessins panique (1965) Quatre roses pour Lucienne (1967) and Toporland (1975). Selections from Quatre roses pour Lucienne were reprinted in the English language collection Stories and Drawings (1967). His carefully detailed, realistic style, with elaborate crosshatching, emphasises the fantastic and macabre subject matter of the images.

1962 - Creates the Panic Movement (mouvement panique), together with Alejandro Jodorowsky and Fernando Arrabal.

1961 to 1965 - Contributes to French satirical magazine Hara Kiri.

1965 - Creates, with partner René Laloux, the animated short film Les Escargots. The movie won Special Jury Prize at the Cracow Film Festival.

1966 - Illustrates Daniel Spoerri's An Anecdoted Topography of Chance (Re-Anecdoted Version) published by the Something Else Press.

1971 - Creates the drawings for the bizarre introduction of Arrabal's film Viva la muerte.

1973 - Topor designs and René Laloux direct La Planète sauvage, a 72-minute long animated film, based on a novel by Stefan Wul. Until today, the movie is considered the only feature-long drawn cut-out animated film (The Adventures of Prince Achmed used silhouette cut-out animation and South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut used digital cut-outs. Several features directed by Karel Zeman were created with cut-outs from various sources.).

1974 - Topor has a cameo in Dusan Makavejev's Sweet Movie

1976 - Roman Polanski directs a movie version of Topor's book "The Tenant".

1979 - Plays the role of Renfield in Werner Herzog's Nosferatu movie.

1983 - Creates with Henri Xhonneux the popular French TV series Téléchat, a parody of news broadcasts featuring puppets of a cat and an ostrich.

1989 - With Henri Xhonneux co-writes the screenplay for the film Marquis, loosely based on the life and writings of Marquis de Sade. The cast consisted of actors in period costumes with animal masks, with a separate puppet for de Sade's anthropomorphised "bodily appendage".

This was on Rosalia Banet's Blog Today


I love this..I love her answers to the Proust Questionnaire, and espeically how she would want to die: "eating little chocolate men." LOL.

What a great way to go.

This is great stuff, Rosalia Banet!

And now I want to find that book by that poet you mention, the Cannibal Recipes. That had me laughing too!

There is a lot of cannibalism in general. Check out her response to question six. And I love who she despises most in the world: Barbie & Ken.

Rosalia, you made me snork the ice tea I was drinking reading this!

You can find a link to Rosalia's blog over in my blogroll....

Desde la apertura de su fábrica de conservas agridulces, Sara Li y Ana K se han convertido en las restauradoras de moda en todo el mundo. Las grandes personalidades de Hollywood se han rendido a sus pies y han olvidado por completo los aburridos cáterings de shushi y shashimi para dar la bienvenida a las delicatessen de la Carnicería Love, como los corazones de amantes secos, los ojos en su jugo o las manitas caramelizadas. Julia Roberts, Madonna, y muchos famosos más ya no creen en la macrobiótica, sólo creen en las siamesas Golosas. Y un fenómeno así debía tener su eco en la prensa. La revista Vanity Fear dedica su primer número a estas siamesas que han conquistado la cima de la fama. Las hermanas han posado para la portada y han contestado al famoso cuestionario Proust.

1. ¿Cuales son los principales rasgos de vuestro carácter?
Your most marked characteristics?
Podríamos definirnos como generosas, alegres, insaciables, y un poco vanidosas

2. ¿Qué cualidad deseáis en un hombre?
The quality you most admire in a man?
Que sea muy dulce

3. Qué cualidad deseáis en una mujer
The quality you most admire in a woman?
Que sea muy, muy dulce también

4. lo que más apreciáis de vuestros amigos
What do you most value in your friends?
Que no le hacen ascos a nada, se lo comen todo

5. Vuestro principal defecto
What is your principle defect?
La gula y el exceso

6. Vuestra ocupación favorita
Your favorite occupation?
Cocinar y comer seres humanos

7. Vuestro sueño de felicidad
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Llegar con nuestra comida a todos los rincones del mundo

8. lo que para vosotras sería la mayor desgracia
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
separarnos. Preferimos no tener nada que comer a tener que vivir separadas

9. quién os gustaría ser
Who would you have liked to be?
Charlie en la Fábrica de Chocolate

10. dónde os gustaría vivir
Where would you like to live?
En una pequeña pero repleta despensa, con su oscuridad, sus olores y sus estanterías repletas de productos de todo tipo, incluso con sus ratoncillos.

11. Vuestro color preferido
What is your favorite color?
Todas las gamas y tonos de marrones

12. la flor que más os gusta
What is your favorite flower?
las flores de merengue que rodean a los novios en las tartas de boda

13. Vuestra ave favorita
What is your favorite bird?
las carroñeras, ellas nos han enseñado a aprovecharlo todo

14. Vuestros autores preferidos
más que escritores favoritos tenemos libros favoritos, aunque son muchos, podríamos nombrar algunos como los libros del maestro y cocinero zen Edward Brown, Como agua para chocolate de Laura Estivel o El festín de Babette de Isak Dinesen

15. Vuestros poetas favoritos
Who are your favorite poets?
El artista Roland Topor y su inspirador libro “ Recetas caníbales”

16. Vuestros héroes de ficción
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
the ginger bread man

17. Vuestras heroínas de ficción
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
La protagonista de “ El cocinero, el ladrón, su mujer y su amante” de Peter Greenaway

18. Vuestros compositores preferidos
Sin duda, la música que más nos llega es la de Música Minúscula y sus conciertos con útiles de cocina

19. Vuestros artistas favoritos
Your favorite artists?
Imposible nombrarlos a todos! Nos encanta el arte! Pero algunos podrían ser: Sonja Alhäuser o Cesar Martínez y sus esculturas comestibles,especialmente las de chocolate, que tan generosamente comparten con los visitantes, Vik Muñiz y sus retratos de chocolate; pero también Cindy Sherman y sus Untitled llenos de vómitos y desperdicios, Marco Paulo Rolla y sus exquisitos y delicados restos del picnic, etc.

20. Vuestros héroes en la vida real
Who are your heroes in real life?
Sagawa, que arrastrado por el deseo, por el miedo y la atracción a lo desconocido,a lo diferente, cocinó y comió a la mujer de sus sueños y con ella al mundo occidental (ella era europea)

21. Vuestras heroínas en la vida real
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
La que sin duda es la mejor cocinera de almas: Sor Bernarda

22. los nombres que más os gustan
What are your favorite names?
La verdad es que tenemos una lista con los nombres de todos aquellos que han formado parte de nuestras recetas. Y esos son nuestros nombres favoritos, los nombres de todas las personas que han participado en nuestras creaciones, dándole a cada uno de nuestros platos una identidad única y maravillosa

23. lo que más odiáis
What is it you most dislike?
Comer personas que nos son indiferentes

24. los personajes históricos que menos os gustan
What historical figures do you most despise?
Barbie y Ken

25. el don de la naturaleza que os gustaría tener
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Tenemos que confesar que envidiamos la desbordante belleza y sabiduría de Sonia La Mur

26. cómo os gustaría morir
How would you like to die?
comiendo hombres de chocolate

27. el estado actual de vuestra alma
What is your present state of mind?
repleta de amor para compartir

28. las faltas que podéis soportar
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
todo menos dejar comida en el plato

29. Vuestro lema
What is your motto?
Come y deja que te coman

A Sonnet from Bernadette Mayer

I wish Tender Buttons (Lee-Ann Brown are ya listenin'?) or somebody would rerelease Bernadette Mayer's nonpareil Sonnets.

I used to have to go from anthology to anthology to enjoy these, but now I have a first edition signed by the Sonneteer herself. In Prussian blue crayon, no less!

It's loverly.

Here's a sonnet you probably haven't seen because the ones which haven't been anthologized are hard to find.

Maybe somebody could clear the way to scanning the book online to a free resource?

Or even create a Kindle version or whatever where people could order it?

Ashbery gives a great characterization in his blurb which lets you know why and how these sonnets are different: "Long ago, in the days of Shakespeare and Du Bellay, the sonnet was somethng far different from the genteel parlor game it has become today. Bernadette Mayer's sonnets--sharp, dark and powerful--look back to those strong beginnings."

He ain't kiddin' about W.S. and the rampant sexuality. Shakespeare's sonnets are deliciously bisexual, polymorphously perverse, and so are Bernadette's.

I like Ted Berrigan's sonnets (the charm is in the loutishness and the louche modus vivendi) but I much prefer Bernadette's because they are the lush survivalist confessions of a lush survivalist who has clearly lived prodigally and well.

Bernadette's sonnets are liquid with the body fluids and lubes of Eros.

For me, this is an iconoclastic, iconic collection of poetry. It's right up there with anything else.

And they are messy. Did I already say that?

As Hesiod is messy. And lush. Read the Theogeny and then read these sonnets.

It's appropriate the dedication in the front was made with a crayon grabbed off the dining room table. The author has written, "This is a noisy book." I love that. It is.

I think it's funny how the men, lovers who disappoint or who are louche (that word again!), are always asleep in the poems and Bernadette is always awake.

She does so many gender reversals in here to humorous effect.

It's almost like a revisioning of Frankenstein where gender is what's being reassembled.

And the monster is scary and funny. Just like gender.

Desire is war. That's another big theme.

I love this one...how she turns cliches on their head in an obstinate use of them to create a fairy tale atmosphere of gender/power critique....how one theater of war...the disgruntled lovers...leaves another theater of war an open door...the latchkey girl being cruised at the end of the poem by neighborhood boys.

But it's all done mythically, and with "great la" to quote Gerard Rizza.


     SONNET: WILL I WRITE POETRY?


I heard a man say in a restaurant
When I fell in love I got tired of causes
And knew it was time to get cruel
Otherwise I wouldn't know who I was he said

Imagine a woman who was practically no one
Began to love another it was white as snow
the black horse was evil pleased as punch
& red as beets we walked out into the streets

Busy as beehives full of men like roosters
Ganders & dragons & lions & tigers full of
Lionesses and tigresses, hens, geese & ducks
As always there are three American Indians plus

Us twelve-year-olds without any mothers
At my door with the lion with them all asking me

Peter Maloney, My Brother, Welcome to My Blog

I love your profile.

We have some shared loves I see.

I love Australians (Ivan Milat and a few others excepted). Australian artists and writers even more so.

I look very much forward to checking out your blogs, which I will do shortly.

I love meeting mes semblables, mes freres.

That's the great thing 'bout Blogger.

It hyphenates and shirrs the spaces and species.

Recombinant Blogger.

Analyze This

The first twenty-five words in my head upon awakening today.

1. Merganser

2. Tuft

3. Bombast

4. Nothing

5. Will

6. Jaundice

7. Pursed

8. Zut

9. Sure

10. Whatever

11. It's

12. Done

13. Simper

14. Pustule

15. Dorn

16. Costco

17. Norn

18. Duh

19. Bye-bye

20. Come Hither (sorry that's two)

21. Ostrich

22. Yap

23. Forlorn

24. Hiatus

25. Uh-huh


Uh-huh looks Klingon hyphenated like that.

Forgive me.

Two Friends on Goodreads for Whom I Am Very Grateful

are Yukie Nakao and Manny Rayner...I think if I complete my Godzilla Mothra Letters I will dedicate the book to them.

I knew there had to be a linguistic connection between the two of them and Google told me there is...

For example, here is some of their work in their shared field which I found online..

Yukie Nakao (National Institute of Information and Communications Technology, Japan) works in the same intellectually demanding, 21st century field as Manny Rayner. Manny writes awesome reviews on Goodreads and is no pushover when it comes to critically taking a novel apart, so I am honored that he encourages me to continue with this novel-in-progress.

Yukie is a sweetheart currently living and working in Nantes.

I am enjoying a correspondence with her and her poetry and she has been kind enough to give me Japanese phrases I need for my book!

Right now I was going back and forth between French and English in an email to Yukie and realize how rusty my French can be sometimes when I try to be an active user. I'm so much more accustomed to being a passive reader.

For example, when talking about money I told her I wasn't sure which was de l'argent and which was the cops: le fric or le flic?.

And of course I chose the wrong one lol.

Luckily, I do have a decent enough French vocabulary that when I forget one locution or word, I can think of a synonym or alternate locution and go with a word or phrase which is not "my druthers."

Yukie's emails give me strong images of the protests going on there now, which are disrupting the public transportation systems.

I suspect this is related to le chomage which is radiating off our economy into the world.

Sigh.

We're the bad guys again.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Joe Brainard's Pyjamas Turns 50,000 Years Old Today

And I feel every day of it in my back and my grincheux little soul.

Oh. oh oh oh.

lol.

Hey if you notice you are the 50,000th customer (let's stick with the whore theme with which I set up this blog) let me know in the comment box.

Say you're the one.

Maybe you'll win something.

Or maybe not.

Just think: if we do this twenty more times we'll be a million years old.

But we're going to have to like step up the pace or something because 17.35 more years is too long to blog (with a very conservative estimate based on daily average hits with no increase in traffic that's how long it would take to reach a million).

I plan on being in Iceland talking to glaciers and puffins by then.

And I'm just saying. Free turkish porn, the dirtiest kind. Free Greek porn. Free Turkish thumbs. Free Turkish and Greek porn.

xo B.

The Penis Family by Rosalia Banet






A friend sent me a link to this art.

I particularly love the one on the beach building a sand castle lol.

The photo above is the artist.

If you click around her works online, her food sculptures are worth checking out too under "Esculturas."

Enjoy:

The penis in its innocence.

And goodness, I just discovered Rosalia is on Blogger, so I'll add her blog to my blogroll!

Me gustan las esculturas de Rosalia Banet! Some have compared her to Djurberg and some to Murakami but I think she's all Banet!

You are Better at Being Horrible Than I Am

                

    HORRIBLE VALENTINE


You are much better at being horrible
than I am. This is why I stopped
1) reading 2) talking to 3)thinking about
you. Your horribleness wins,

because it is more subtle
and has more horrible negative capability
to insult and hate in that clever
insouciant way that says "pussy Lite."

It's not that you're a better
or more interesting writer,
because you aren't. Oh gawrsh No.
Your ingredients list is much easier

to read and much less colorful
than the rear of a pack of Jolly Ranchers
or a soda can, but the gestalt
of your horribleness is of course

more than that. You take photographs
of your own beatitude and you network
like a leaf-cutter ant, hourly.
That's fun to watch. Like a toilet

when it's not going to go down
but it's trying. I stand there
and think of Poe's Maelstrom, but that's
probably elevating the matter too much.

I should just reach for the plunger
but I can't help watching, spellbound
as nature triumphs over the plumbing
of your poem on each page.

That fatal Welling.

This is just a note to say
"I surrender." I decided to stop
defying my own boredom with you
and move on. In this, I see great promise

because my boredom with myself
tends to be much more exciting.
In this, it is possible I'm mimicking you
mimicking somebody else but what is the writing life

really, without a little bit of swagger, danger and mystique?

Sonnets and Valentines

I realized my sonnets and valentines should go together in their own book (which is ongoing with my psychopomp Philip now being my Orphean car radio...today he woke me up laughing l'oiseau chante avec ses doigts...Bastardo!

So I have to create a rubric over at the right and do the tedious business of rubricizing.

My favorite sonnets would be Mayer's followed by Shakespeare's then oh probably the Rossettim and maybe Ted Berrigan next...

I like the Valentine form as much or more but so few have practiced that. Mayer has a wonderful Valentine sonnet to Robert Herrick in her Sonnets.

I love my copy of her book. She has written something funny with a crayon in the front of the book...I love that!

How to Live Forever

This was on Lee's MSN page today...there were 10 ways to live to 100...the obvious things like steal organs from citizens of poor third world countries and this...

Live like a Seventh Day Adventist

"Americans who define themselves as Seventh Day Adventists have an average life expectancy of 89, about a decade longer than the average American. One of the basic tenets of the religion is that it's important to cherish the body that's on loan from God, which means no smoking, alcohol abuse, or overindulging in sweets. Followers typically stick to a vegetarian diet based on fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts, and also get plenty of exercise. They're also very focused on family and community."

Take that Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses!

Yeah, I know, it's just the vegetarian, clean living thing.

It's why Shaw was so perky and creative as a nonagenarian.

Sonnet from Philip

                

Jeff Koons said he needs more alcoholics. ($8.00/hr to spray-paint).
Overby Lunch and Everybody Also can go fuck themselves...
Dreams can be and not like a man and son in bed together squandering.
Stag Planet is a manga I wrote about gay dictators in love.
It ends poorly but with good visuals (gayische Liebeskrieg).
Alcohol makes me eat bad, be bad, makes me a walking ovary,
but I don't mind. It's just men. We forget everything.
Penis or not?
Twas all a query in the Sippy Cup of American poetics.
This was Genius. This inflatable bunny.
Inflatable Bunny is the new Grecian Urn?
Still I miss.
The rare stillborn creature.

"My Selected Ashbery did this to me."

Monday, February 23, 2009

Happy Birthday, Lee!

Today is Lee's birthday (we are after midnight so it's begun!)

Welcome to the aging superhighway, though you are still six years behind me.

This is the part of the year when you get to be only six years younger than I, rather than seven, so I sound less like a dirty old man.

Lee's coworkers are taking him out to a quality Italian restaurant tomorrow (none of that Olive Garden shit! I prefer KFC to that...seriously!).

This is a nicer restaurant and though Lee tried like five times to get me to come along, I begged off five times.

He charms his coworkers and I will only add that "weird guy" vibe to the gathering so I refused.

Lee is such a loving partner that he insisted I choose something off the menu anyway that he can bring home to me. On his birthday.

And of course being a bellygod I selected something. They make a wonderful crusted sole there with spinach pasta and Roma tomatoes and I couldn't resist that.

Lee has a woman who has a major crush on him now. I feel so strange when I answer the phone when she's calling him to come out to a bar with her or to explain how she should cook something.

She is married and he's very gay so I don't worry overmuch but she so has a crush on him.

But of the people who will be at the gathering tomorrow it's only straight women and men.

Believe me, I check these sorts of things where my interests are concerned.

She's given him Valentine's Day candies and other sundry presents.

I told him I love his children but any more babies and I'm out the door lol.

Lee, when you read this you will be horrified but I don't think your "girlfriend" reads my blog.

God, I hope she doesn't.

Lee horrified me when I found out tonight he's told her the jokes I make about her obsession with him.

Thank god I didn't agree to go to the birthday lunch tomorrow.

We will celebrate before your gathering. And after.

En privato, as the Italians say.

Just don't forget my sole aumandine or whatever it was. It sounded yummy and I ate there a few times before so I know they know their stuff.

xo B.

Some Days I Just Don't Feel Like Destroying the World (The Godzilla Mothra Letters) continues here...

Dear Godzilla,

Today I touched down on a piece of earth and lay in the sun in a glade in the middle of a green forest that was once a Buddhist deerpark many centuries ago.

And humanity ceased to exist.

I felt very content.

Because my enemy had ceased to exist, my sense of self relaxed and the boundaries of my being began to spread.

I began to feel the pure love of the sun for the earth, and the gentle breeze that rustled my wings lifted them up and down as though I were flying in place.

It was the most unearthly, comforting sensation.

And then a bunch of picknickers came out of the forest and the kids started screaming at each other in that way that kids do and one was pulling the other's hair and the one getting his hair pulled was shrieking, I mean just shrieking, so my paranirvana was so over.

So then I lifted to the skies, and attacked the nearest metropolis.

All I could hear as I shot my silken spray at a bus filled with terrified humans was that brat screaming as his brother pulled his hair.

And I just kept thinking, "Why don't the parents do or say anything? Are they deaf-mutes? Are they some sort of horrible Darwinists who believe in natural selection?!"

The bus filled with humans was on a suspension bridge over a deep bay and my silken spray knocked the bus over the edge into the bay where it sank out of sight.

I think I lost all my "princess points" I earned at the Martha Stewart funeral.

I think that lasted about forty-eight hours.

Oh well.

Being a kaiju ain't for sissies.


Dear Mothra,

That is some effed up hippie shit.

Hey, I was reading the Dalai Lama.

He scares the shit out of me.


Are you buying any of this shit he's selling?


Dear Godzilla,


The Dalai Lama scares me too. I even have nightmares where he is chasing me sometimes and chanting weird shit. Ethically, he is pretty advanced for a human but I don't think it's healthy for kaiju like us to read shit like that really. That weird shit about the practice of dying and all that posthumous activity going on with the body are worse than Edgar Allen Poe. Could you imagine if a Tibetan read that stuff to elementary school children? They'd never sleep again! If you want to feel better and make fun of him, read the parts in How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life where His Holiness talks about sex. The lamas have some really effed up ideas about sex, Goz. I nearly shat myself when I first read that part. He turns into this swinger type. Wait, let me see if I can find my copy of that book. Damn! Don't Tibetans believe in indexes?...

"Yogis who have achieved a high level of the path and are fully qualified can engage in sexual activity, and a monastic with this ability can maintain all the precepts.

One Tibetan yogi-adept, when criticized by another, said that he ate meat and drank beer as offerings to the mandala deity. Such Tantric practitioners visualize themselves as deities in a complete mandala, within realization that the ultimate deity is the ultimate bliss--the union of bliss and emptiness. He also said that his sexual practice with a consort was undertaken for the sake of developing real knowledge. And that is indeed the purpose.
"

So if you see the Dalai Lama in a Hyundai going down on a sixteen-year-old, you should feel privileged for witnessing his spiritual transformation.

Humans are all about the loopholes.

Mice and cheese. Mice and cheese, Goz.

The lamas have all these "exceptional circumstances" where superior lamas can engage in profligate sex or even wage war, but we are supposed to admit we don't "understand" what they are really doing because they are at a superior level of consciousness and enlightenment.

Haven't we heard all this "special exemption" bullshit from humans before in every idealistic religion, political movement or ism they have created?

The Dalai Lama is really just another insidious weapon humans have created to wage war by different means.

The Dalai Lama is just another Facebook.

And he writes this on page 88 of this book, which also made me nearly shit myself just now....if you could see how worked up my wings are with laughter....

"Nowadays, one of the best ways to communicate is through television. People who work in television and wish to practice this nobel idea of caring for others could make a substantial contribution."

This guy probably has more and better agents than either you or I.

Do I really need to tell you to look in the mirror (choose a big lake or a mirrory skyscraper) and give yourself your Daily Kaiju Affirmation?

The War is just.

Kaiju Now and Forever.

By any means necessary.


Dear Mothra,

Thanks, bro. I needed to hear that. I attacked the Space Needle write after reading your email. I felt a little bad, because I sort of admire retro design but I felt I needed to make a statement and that was the first big human thing I saw.

I still find myself moved by much of what the Dalai Lama writes, especially about form and emptiness. But I am a kaiju and I agree that the human war is not our war.

But I know we both know there is room for spirituality even in kaiju warfare.

For example, I never destroy dollar stores. Dollar General. Dollar Tree. You know the type of "everything is one dollar" store I mean. I know they are like the birdfeeders which the poor and the hungry flit in and out of all across America. Probably half the American population relies on dollar stores to survive now. If I see somebody come out of a dollar store, however, and get into a Lexus or Beamer, I nuclear pulse their rich white, black or whatevercolored ass.

I am going to go practice my tai-chi now.

I found a remote forest where I can do this without human interruption.

I like to do that when nobody is watching because I've seen myself on film doing this and I look very gay.























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Sonnet from Philip: "Jeff Koons said he needs more alcoholics..."

               

Jeff Koons said he needs more alcoholics. ($8.00/hr to spray-paint).
This is a way I have of currently saying anything.
I do not mean any longer to stag stagger buffoonish seriously.
Overby Lunch and Everybody Also can go fuck themselves...
they live in the psycho lemur fellatio room anyway.
Who the fuck is that styrofoam baby to feel and be felt so Happy?
I envy her, She and she and he and shim.
Dreams can be and not like a man and son in bed together squandering.
Overby you just startle doctors with birth out of your wondered butt.
Stag Planet is a manga I wrote about gay dictators in love.
It ends poorly but with good visuals (gay love).
Alcohol makes me eat bad, be bad, makes me a walking ovary,
but I don't mind. It's just men. We forget everything,
like being women fighting with women being men. That's "progress."
I light candles for Whistler who fucked with grey
and in a couple o'lines a dream bedrest becomes a damn redbreast.
Overby drooled more skald talk by the old net window.
"Drool, Overby, drool...."
Everybody wants to be the dead plump stuffed aborigine,
the museum hothouse tomato, Overby. Everyone's a coquette here.
Penis or not.
Oh, it's all just A loose story nursing home. then death to God.
Twas all a query in the Sip Cup of American poetics.
The way a real poet's ears are way long cops
set to act sensitive to a Applesauce
in Her her, my, everybody's Real silence.
Those aren't your coworkers...those are your cockworkers.
This was Genius. This inflatable bunny.
Inflatable Bunny is the new Grecian Urn.
Everybody has lame, duck-ass thoughts in prison so I left.
They microphone the table constantly.
Wait. Somebody stillborn is nearby. Blogging.
Listen. A child.
I find that beautiful. The rare stillborn creature.
To poet today is to be a human non-sequitur.

"My Selected Ashbery did this to me."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I Have Started List Slut (List Blog)

I moved a few of my lists over there and will continue to add lists on a daily or nearly daily basis.

Enjoy...

Listing with the times and alcohol...

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The Godzilla Mothra Letters (continuation of novel-in-progress)

Dear Mothra,

I haven't been able to form sentences for days. I just get up, walk around and go to sleep again after a certain number of hours have passed. I mostly dream about kaiju who are dead or who no longer talk to me. I woke up with Gorillaz playing in my headphones and I had moisture running down my face but I didn't remember crying in my dream. It was a good song. The tears were atomic and I saw the earth was on fire around me and glowing. It was pretty but even my dreams cause pain and suffering because wild animals were running from the devastation. Somebody was hiding in the forest nearby and I could tell from the bits of narration I overheard it was a documentary crew with some documentary maker. I destroyed him and his crew with my spiral ray. I think it might have been Michael Moore. Somebody fat and self-righteous anyway.


Dear Godzilla,

Are you sad to be a monster?


Dear Mothra,

No, I am not sad to be a monster. Somebody has to do it. We are part of a fucked up world's fucked up poetry.

All good poetry or music helps people in dying well.

If we had a jingle or a theme it would be in Japanese and say musically "Monsters: we help you die well."

Kylie Minogue would sing it.

Why? Are you sad to be a monster?


Dear Godzilla,

No, I am not sad to be a monster.

You talk about dying a lot.

Maybe you should get that checked.


Dear Mothra,

Get it "checked?"

It's not a faulty headlight.

It's an existential state.

But fuck you very much for asking.



Dear Godzilla,

Shove an ice cube up your asshole. And chill.

Japanese is in mourning for Martha Stewart.

Her funeral pyre is a giant Bundt cake.

She chose to be cremated in Japan.

I sent my fairies as emissaries of My Mourning.

They sang at her funeral and everybody in Japan cried.

It was better than the Chinese Olympics.

The terrorists got her.

It wasn't me.

She should have left the tea ceremony alone.

Bitch did look good as she departed this world.

Gown in lavendar by Vera Wang with this giant split train that hung down over the bundt cake on both sides as though it were butterfly wings.

Vera Wang was crying on Japanese television and talking about the symbol of rebirth she had created especially for Martha's death.

My fairies made up a special Martha Stewart death song called "Goodbye Martha, Fairy Wing of This Life."

Japan thinks I am a good guy again.

Oh, the seesaw of history.

Thrillsville.


Dear Mothra,

Today I got inspired and felt like my old self. I was reading that book you sent me, Mindpower for Kaiju and doing the exercises you had penciled in the back of the book (Thanks!) and I wanted you to know I've had great results. I went to the corporate headquarters of Microsoft and beamed mind rays at the company. I even controlled the mind of Bill Gates. I made Bill Gates do the Macarena naked for a few hours then I made him think he was Paris Hilton. He got fucked by several of his hornier employees. Then I made him think he was Paris Hilton's chihuahua. He kept shitting in office cubicles. Then I made Bill Gates think he was a Mexican illegal immigrant who cleans toilets. I made him clean every toilet at Microsoft. I had everybody else at Microsoft under my mind control and made them work together to create a massive Hello Kitty costume that would fit me perfectly. The Microsoft employees walked around in a daze, measured me using laser beams and complex trigonometric functions. They drove around to nearby cities while under my mind control, gathering the correct fabrics and materials. When they were done, I slipped into the giant Hello Kitty costume and then destroyed Microsoft. Then I destroyed several other cities in California while dressed as Hello Kitty. It felt so incredible. I was still not the top story on CNN. Everybody was talking about Eminem's gastric bypass or something. I destroyed several Target stores and the remaining few Starbucks left after the economic crash. Mind power is awesome! It's like discovering a new drug or something. Arnold Schwarzenegger tried to attack me in a Hummer with a bazooka. What does he think this is? Fucking T3? I threw his little Matchbox car back in the direction of Austria. Of course, Maria Shriver was pulling the Jackie O. widowhood thing the next day on CNN. It was like she had studied the Jackie O. clips frame by frame. She had the walk down. E! Television was horrible to her though. Everybody saw through it. She's only marginally a Kennedy. Nobody was buying it.


Dear Godzilla,

The Japanese love the Hello Kitty rampage, all the destruction you are wreaking in California! You were definitely the top story here. Even Sanrio loves it and is issuing a "Godzilla as Hello Kitty" doll in all the better toy stores. It is "limited edition." There are posters of you standing over a naked Bill Gates doing the Macarena that are selling out everywhere. The artists consider it one of the finest performance art pieces of the last half century. So you are succeeding with both the snobs and the slobs. As if you cared. But I thought it might make you laugh. Quentin Tarantino is telling everybody you are considering taking the role in that film. I told you he was a whore who will use any tactic. He is like the bellybutton lint of Hollywood now or something.

Dear Mothra,

Check your Wikipedia.

I was bored last night and more than a little drunk and edited you.

Check the new paragraph that appeared last night.


Dear Godzilla,

What the fuck!?!

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia...


Personal Life

Mothra is a gay kaiju who enjoys the sensitive films of Neil Jordan, the traditional Japanese art of flower arranging called ikebana and the music of Mika, Donna Summer and The Pet Shop Boys. He can often be seen at various gay hotspots or at the White Party sporting a pair of rainbow colored wings for Gay Pride. He hangs around Fairies and sometimes he teaches them to sing the girly songs he loves best. He is single and seeking a life partner. Although Mothra is hermaphroditic or something, and can produce eggs out of his body, he does not rule out further adoptions with a loving male partner. He has publicly expressed a romantic interest in Mika and Seth Green.


OMFG, the only thing Wiki flagged is the phrase "hermaphroditic or something" as "substandard usage."

We definitely got to get together with the other kaiju and take this puppy down soon.

I thought about Wikitaging your entry but....I HAVE A LIFE!!

You might want to look that up at Wikipedia, dweeb.


Dear Mothra,


I don't think anybody has said "dweeb" since 1989.

Are you watching John Hughes films again?

Come out of the time capsule.

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