I love its hoi polloi, rabble-rousing tone.
I love its complete uneducability and refusal to learn.
I love its wife-beater approach to etymology and lexicography.
It is the crowd, the Roman mob.
It is the Colosseum. (Note the apt vote of thumbs up or thumbs down, "live or die" there!)
I was spell-checking "Macaroni Grille" after my last entry through Google, and ended up there.
"Fauxtalian." I love it.
Here are some great entries from that same page, some bashing the Macaroni Grille (which I like actually!)
1. saluta 3 up, 6 down
At the Macaroni Grill, a saluta is a worker who serves as the entertaining singer/waitress/hostess, but mostly the entertaining singer. He or she provides beautiful Italian arias for the customers at their tables and runs around getting families to their tables and even serving food. It's an awesome job.
"So, what's your new job?"
"I'm a saluta at the Macaroni Grill in North Olmsted! Phwee!"
saluta singer macaroni grill north olmsted phwee
by Ashley Lynn Jul 2, 2006 share this
2. mac shack 2 up, 4 down
Macaroni Grill. Italian restaurant chain.
Can we go to the mac shack for dinner?
macaroni grill restaurant food big ass chicken italian
by MisMis Sep 29, 2007 share this
3. big ass chicken 4 up, 3 down
A chicken dish from Macaroni Grill (The Mac Shack), so named because it is flattened and breaded and takes up the whole plate. Named by a server there, who, upon serving said dish, was thinking "this is one big ass chicken" and accidentally said, to the table, "who ordered the big ass chicken?". Fortunately the folks at the table had a good sense of humor!
Who ordered the big ass chicken?
macaroni grill restaurant food mac shack italian
by MisMis Sep 29, 2007
4. Fauxtalian 1 up, 3 down
A chain restaurant that specializes in so-called "Authentic" Italian food.
Guy: Olive Garden and Macaroni Grille are so very authentic.
Girl: Not really. It's just fauxtalian.
italian food olive garden macaroni grille fake fraud
by .....ben s....... Jun 21, 2008 share this
5. Fauxtalian 5 up, 3 down
A chain restaurant that specializes in so-called "Authentic" Italian food.
Guy: Olive Garden and Macaroni Grille are so very authentic.
Girl: Not really. It's just fauxtalian.
olive garden italian food macaroni grille lame fake fraud
by .....ben s....... Jun 22, 2008 share this
6. get the hell out of here 10 up, 4 down
When you are so stumped one's news that there is merely no response. An alternative to saying NO WAY.
Todd: Yo Weinberg lets go to the Macaroni Grill.
Fucking Weinberg: Get the hell out of here. We're going to Al Forno.
by Steven Muntner *see RAT-MAN Mar 3, 2005 share this
7. Government Cheese 165 up, 38 down
A BIG, HARD MASS; A BLOCK OF ORANGE-YELLOW PROCESSED "USDA CHEESE FOOD" ISSUED BY "DA GUBMENT" United States GOVERNMENT to aid needy families by supplementing their food resources. Used for making Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and Macaroni & Cheese but ALSO CAUSES severe, bowel obstructing constipation, silent but deadly stinky gas, and / or "the runs" diarrhea in those who are lactose intolerant.
I just got some Government Cheese, but I'm not gonna make a grill cheese sandwich cause it gave me the runs last time I ate it.
gubment cheese usda cheese food processed cheese
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Marie Callender Kills More People than Pol Pot Ever Did: The 20 Worst Foods of 2009
I'm not the healthiest eater by a long stretch, but one thing I know to avoid is Marie Callender's t.v. dinners.
I'm not a big t.v. dinner fan in general but they do have their uses.
When I'm eating alone, I'll be lazy and indulge.
T.V. dinners go well with homicide on television....unless they surprise you and suddenly show you a very graphic victim photo you weren't expecting. I'm not like that cliche coroner on every crime show who always seems to be eating a Reuben in the autopsy room as others are using the saw on the corpse.
What is it about that cliche? Do they keep a fridge in the autopsy room? I fucking hate that cliche.
Anyway, here's one example of Marie Callender's homicidal intentions:
19: Worst Supermarket Meal
Pot Pie ranked 19th on "worst list." (Marie Callender's) Marie Callender's Creamy Parmesan Chicken Pot Pie
1,060 calories
64 g fat (24 g saturated fat)
1,440 mg sodium
Men's Health claimed Marie Callender's was tricky with nutrition information, which said the medium-size entrée has two servings. However, the magazine asked, "When have you ever split a pot pie?"
I'll sometimes pick one up in the store and flip it over just to amuse myself with the Saturated Fat content.
Then I put it back.
The list I took this from is an awesome read.
You should check it out.
Every year they do this list, and usually at least a few of the items get pulled from supermarkets and chain restaurants.
So they are doing God's work.
I noticed Chili's is on here a lot. I ate there one time (search this blog) one night when it was blizzarding and we felt like going out. They were the most accessible so we tried them. And I said "never again" that night. It was one of the worst meals I ever had. I'd much sooner hit a nasty fast food joint.
And T.G.I.F. Who the fuck eats there? That's a yuppie and middle-age alkie hang out. Bad food value always. You can spend less at Red Lobster if you want good, unhealthy food instead of bad, unhealthy food. They might as well all be the same restaurant, those types of places, those "guy restaurants." Applebee's, etc.
It's like "food that you see in commercials for beer." That should be their motto.
I was sad to see Macaroni Grill on here. Despite having one of the worst names for a restaurant chain, they actually have some great stuff on their menu. I hate the Olive Garden's food. I've had a couple really good meals at the Macaroni Grill though. And the decor, atmosphere and service are better at the MG than at the OG.
Or do they spell it "Grille" in a tarde gesture?
Back to the list--I thought it was really funny when they said that to equal the fat in that tiny little Chinese box meal, you'd have to eat 42 Krispy Kreme donut holes lol!! And the #1 Oreo milkshake thing from Baskin-Robbins has as much sugar as TWENTY bowls of Fruit Loops! Ay de mi!
Anyway, enjoy...
I found this at this Phoenix website, but I think it was originally published in Men's Health, which is a good magazine to read free in doctor's or dentist's offices.
Silent serial killers.
I'm not a big t.v. dinner fan in general but they do have their uses.
When I'm eating alone, I'll be lazy and indulge.
T.V. dinners go well with homicide on television....unless they surprise you and suddenly show you a very graphic victim photo you weren't expecting. I'm not like that cliche coroner on every crime show who always seems to be eating a Reuben in the autopsy room as others are using the saw on the corpse.
What is it about that cliche? Do they keep a fridge in the autopsy room? I fucking hate that cliche.
Anyway, here's one example of Marie Callender's homicidal intentions:
19: Worst Supermarket Meal
Pot Pie ranked 19th on "worst list." (Marie Callender's) Marie Callender's Creamy Parmesan Chicken Pot Pie
1,060 calories
64 g fat (24 g saturated fat)
1,440 mg sodium
Men's Health claimed Marie Callender's was tricky with nutrition information, which said the medium-size entrée has two servings. However, the magazine asked, "When have you ever split a pot pie?"
I'll sometimes pick one up in the store and flip it over just to amuse myself with the Saturated Fat content.
Then I put it back.
The list I took this from is an awesome read.
You should check it out.
Every year they do this list, and usually at least a few of the items get pulled from supermarkets and chain restaurants.
So they are doing God's work.
I noticed Chili's is on here a lot. I ate there one time (search this blog) one night when it was blizzarding and we felt like going out. They were the most accessible so we tried them. And I said "never again" that night. It was one of the worst meals I ever had. I'd much sooner hit a nasty fast food joint.
And T.G.I.F. Who the fuck eats there? That's a yuppie and middle-age alkie hang out. Bad food value always. You can spend less at Red Lobster if you want good, unhealthy food instead of bad, unhealthy food. They might as well all be the same restaurant, those types of places, those "guy restaurants." Applebee's, etc.
It's like "food that you see in commercials for beer." That should be their motto.
I was sad to see Macaroni Grill on here. Despite having one of the worst names for a restaurant chain, they actually have some great stuff on their menu. I hate the Olive Garden's food. I've had a couple really good meals at the Macaroni Grill though. And the decor, atmosphere and service are better at the MG than at the OG.
Or do they spell it "Grille" in a tarde gesture?
Back to the list--I thought it was really funny when they said that to equal the fat in that tiny little Chinese box meal, you'd have to eat 42 Krispy Kreme donut holes lol!! And the #1 Oreo milkshake thing from Baskin-Robbins has as much sugar as TWENTY bowls of Fruit Loops! Ay de mi!
Anyway, enjoy...
I found this at this Phoenix website, but I think it was originally published in Men's Health, which is a good magazine to read free in doctor's or dentist's offices.
Silent serial killers.
The 21st Century Version of the Renaissance Man
This is Oliver Pietern (aka Hoschie) also.
He included this as part of his resume for a job he was applying for, to show his multitasking abilities.
I posted this before, but it's one of my favorite examples of the self-portrait in photography these past few years.
I'd hang it in MOMA.
If this is what I'm up against when I go for a job, it's over.
Just pull the winding sheet up over my head.
I'll just go sing Morrissey songs instead.
"Oh mother...I can feel...the soil falling over my head....see the sea wants to take me...the knife wants to slit me...do you think you can help me?"
It's fun to sing plaints.
You feel all Elizabethan and shit.
The New Economy Has You Accepting Temp Work? What's the Right Way to Approach Being a Temp? Here's the Answer...
German DeviantArt.com phenom and lover of cute animals and hot girls that look like Sarah Brightman Oliver Pietern has your answer.
This is "Tiffy's Temp Job."
This picture offers good advice...
ADVICE FOR TEMPS
Cultivate an appearance of innocence.
Stick your head through tiny holes where it might not fit.
Maintain a neutral expression and disposition: nobody likes a gleeful or a depressive temp.
Wait for the right moment to exercise your bloodlust.
This has been your vocational counseling moment today at Joe Brainard's Pyjamas.
Art is copyright Oliver Pietern and you can buy prints, magnets, coffee cups and all the glorious rest at his deviantart gallery.
Just google "Hoschie deviant art" and you will get there.
Hoschie is Pietern's nom d'atelier on deviantart.com
Follow the Google Brick Road.
Oh my!
Here are the Two Things National Poetry Month Makes Me Think Of...
neither of which is pleasant.
I would prefer to just have poetry get like 37 seconds a day, rather than an embarrassing token appreciation month once a year.
Even though that only adds up to like a few hours for the entire year, it somehow seems less embarrassing...the 37 seconds.
Because we could fit it in while we are brushing or teeth or something.
Okay, I know serious dentists tell you to spend a great dealer longer than that brushing your teeth each time, but let's get real.
Goodbye, National Poetry Month.
The free ride ends today.
May is coming and kicking your ass back to the trailer park tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
My Advice for Avoiding Swine Flu
Don't sleep with any pigs.
Even if it's 2 a.m. and the lights have gone down and come up twice.
Just go home, watch somebody die on TRU t.v. and eat a t.v. dinner.
Let Marie Callender or one of those bitches kill you instead.
Even if it's 2 a.m. and the lights have gone down and come up twice.
Just go home, watch somebody die on TRU t.v. and eat a t.v. dinner.
Let Marie Callender or one of those bitches kill you instead.
Titina, You Said a Mouthful...We're Praying for Miracles, Matt Giraud!!
Titina has left a new comment on your post "Titina (Love that Name!) in the Matt Giraud Army w...":
Thanks for loving my name. It really is not my name but my nickname. Heh.
"That gay Disney cricket" Ha, ha. You are so hilarious.
Anyways...
I just realized by looking at many net sites, blogs and polls that our beloved Matty G is going home tonight.
I think America never got into his fan bandwagon and it is a shame because he is one of the most talented guys out in that stage.
He has so much to offer but I believe he was just not ready for all of this yet. He has so much raw talent but I think he struggles trying to find the artist in him.
Last night wasn't his best performance IMO but he di grat regardless.I was so happy and surprised when Simon praised him so much. "Brilliant" he said.
I bet Matt felt so good when he heard that. But not even Simon's praises are putting him through.
Maybe it was the kiss of death. I am so sad.
I think Matt never quite found the groove on the AI stage.
His earlier performances (Human Nature, So Small, Let's Get It On, Part Time LOver) where so much solid than his latest ones.
I think he felt the pressure, it's all about Adam, Kris and Allison you know. And he knew it and couldn't quite cope with it.
Do you think Matty will get signed by a record label regardless?I sure hope so.
His recordings were the only ones I bought and he sounded incredible.
He also has such a current sound.
Hopefully he built a big enough fan base to keep going.
He is so talented.
Would love to read you opinions on this.
Just wanted you to be prepared for the worst tonight.
Sigh.. I love Matty so much. His journey on this show has been so endearing to me.
Things happen for a reason, that's all I can say.
TITINA!!
I hate to say I'm leaning the way you are about our chances tonight.
I think Kris, Matt and Allison will be in the bottom three if voting is actually used to make the decision.
But I think the show looks at the vote and then decides how it plays into their marketing plan most weeks.
So I think they might put Kris, Matt and Danny in the bottom three, then give Danny the relief button after a little time, leaving Kris and Matt standing there.
Then I think it's about a fifty-fifty proposition, but you're probably right. Okay, maybe a sixy-forty proposition? Seventy-thirty?
I happen to love all the standards and once again (about 95% of the time this season!) found myself agreeing with Simon Cowell that Matt was brilliant.
I hate to say that Danny Gokey knocked it out of the park even if he did. Because I really don't like him--inasmuch as someone can not like someone that one doesn't really know.
I think of course Matt will get an album even if he gets cut tonight. Remember, he did his own arrangements when others were not able to do that. Wasn't it weird that Jamie Foxx wanted to work with Kris Allen when they seem to have so little in common musically. That was really odd. I mean I like Kris Allen and see him as a singer in the Jason Mraz tradition but didn't think Jamie Foxx would dig him. Maybe it's just money smarts. He knows he can turn a buck on the kid.
I have to say about Paula Abdul that she is lovely this season. She was such a drunk and so weird the past few seasons! And now she's smart, empathetic (okay she was always empathetic), on point and ambitious (choreographing, etc.). And she's always the one who stands up and makes sure the contestants stay strong when they go down in flames with her love bomb. I think she's awesome. I'm beginning to suspect they brought Kara on only to galvanize Paula into fight or flight mode. You know, evil stepsister threat? It worked. Now they can can the evil stepsister.
I'm glad I didn't read all those blogs and polls and such, but I had seen the "hateration" in the past when I did read them.
He's so retiring and such a do-gooder (he's even a Big Brother back home) and was almost sycophantic with the judges. It kept him in their good graces but it cost him audience sympathy I think. He began to get a nerd factor going.
I just appreciate the real musical talent and the voice. But this competition is as much about image as it is talent.
I really didn't like Adam's performance but that's so not his style of music. I love all those songs. I'm a big "standards" fan. My mom used to sing those songs professionally back in the day.
I love Chet's "My Funny Valentine" best. Did I post that on my blog? I posted something by him. I've got no mind. I think I posted something else by him.
Thanks for "preparing me for the worst" lol. It's been flickering through my head so I've been sort of mentally preparing.
I still think it might be Kris, but then it would have to be miracle time next week.
Then again, it would be nuts to cut Kris if the numbers show he has a much greater following (I really do believe they manipulate the results. Doesn't it say as much in the small print?)
I think is Allison is in the bottom three, people will say, "Oh, they won't cut the last girl!" But they'd probably get more press from the shock of "all guys remaining" than the other way around.
I don't see myself ever buying an Adam Lambert album. He's good but just not my cuppa, you know?
I think there's a chance I might dig what Kris does in the future and I might even like something by Allison if she goes the Kelli Clarkson route (or her own version of herself, ya know). Who knows.
I would sooner nail my foot to a Great White shark than buy anything Danny Gokey ever puts out.
He should put on a hundred pounds and just become a gospel singer.
That's his forte anyway.
(Fingers crossed and spitting on a dead raccoon for luck)
Bill
Thanks for loving my name. It really is not my name but my nickname. Heh.
"That gay Disney cricket" Ha, ha. You are so hilarious.
Anyways...
I just realized by looking at many net sites, blogs and polls that our beloved Matty G is going home tonight.
I think America never got into his fan bandwagon and it is a shame because he is one of the most talented guys out in that stage.
He has so much to offer but I believe he was just not ready for all of this yet. He has so much raw talent but I think he struggles trying to find the artist in him.
Last night wasn't his best performance IMO but he di grat regardless.I was so happy and surprised when Simon praised him so much. "Brilliant" he said.
I bet Matt felt so good when he heard that. But not even Simon's praises are putting him through.
Maybe it was the kiss of death. I am so sad.
I think Matt never quite found the groove on the AI stage.
His earlier performances (Human Nature, So Small, Let's Get It On, Part Time LOver) where so much solid than his latest ones.
I think he felt the pressure, it's all about Adam, Kris and Allison you know. And he knew it and couldn't quite cope with it.
Do you think Matty will get signed by a record label regardless?I sure hope so.
His recordings were the only ones I bought and he sounded incredible.
He also has such a current sound.
Hopefully he built a big enough fan base to keep going.
He is so talented.
Would love to read you opinions on this.
Just wanted you to be prepared for the worst tonight.
Sigh.. I love Matty so much. His journey on this show has been so endearing to me.
Things happen for a reason, that's all I can say.
TITINA!!
I hate to say I'm leaning the way you are about our chances tonight.
I think Kris, Matt and Allison will be in the bottom three if voting is actually used to make the decision.
But I think the show looks at the vote and then decides how it plays into their marketing plan most weeks.
So I think they might put Kris, Matt and Danny in the bottom three, then give Danny the relief button after a little time, leaving Kris and Matt standing there.
Then I think it's about a fifty-fifty proposition, but you're probably right. Okay, maybe a sixy-forty proposition? Seventy-thirty?
I happen to love all the standards and once again (about 95% of the time this season!) found myself agreeing with Simon Cowell that Matt was brilliant.
I hate to say that Danny Gokey knocked it out of the park even if he did. Because I really don't like him--inasmuch as someone can not like someone that one doesn't really know.
I think of course Matt will get an album even if he gets cut tonight. Remember, he did his own arrangements when others were not able to do that. Wasn't it weird that Jamie Foxx wanted to work with Kris Allen when they seem to have so little in common musically. That was really odd. I mean I like Kris Allen and see him as a singer in the Jason Mraz tradition but didn't think Jamie Foxx would dig him. Maybe it's just money smarts. He knows he can turn a buck on the kid.
I have to say about Paula Abdul that she is lovely this season. She was such a drunk and so weird the past few seasons! And now she's smart, empathetic (okay she was always empathetic), on point and ambitious (choreographing, etc.). And she's always the one who stands up and makes sure the contestants stay strong when they go down in flames with her love bomb. I think she's awesome. I'm beginning to suspect they brought Kara on only to galvanize Paula into fight or flight mode. You know, evil stepsister threat? It worked. Now they can can the evil stepsister.
I'm glad I didn't read all those blogs and polls and such, but I had seen the "hateration" in the past when I did read them.
He's so retiring and such a do-gooder (he's even a Big Brother back home) and was almost sycophantic with the judges. It kept him in their good graces but it cost him audience sympathy I think. He began to get a nerd factor going.
I just appreciate the real musical talent and the voice. But this competition is as much about image as it is talent.
I really didn't like Adam's performance but that's so not his style of music. I love all those songs. I'm a big "standards" fan. My mom used to sing those songs professionally back in the day.
I love Chet's "My Funny Valentine" best. Did I post that on my blog? I posted something by him. I've got no mind. I think I posted something else by him.
Thanks for "preparing me for the worst" lol. It's been flickering through my head so I've been sort of mentally preparing.
I still think it might be Kris, but then it would have to be miracle time next week.
Then again, it would be nuts to cut Kris if the numbers show he has a much greater following (I really do believe they manipulate the results. Doesn't it say as much in the small print?)
I think is Allison is in the bottom three, people will say, "Oh, they won't cut the last girl!" But they'd probably get more press from the shock of "all guys remaining" than the other way around.
I don't see myself ever buying an Adam Lambert album. He's good but just not my cuppa, you know?
I think there's a chance I might dig what Kris does in the future and I might even like something by Allison if she goes the Kelli Clarkson route (or her own version of herself, ya know). Who knows.
I would sooner nail my foot to a Great White shark than buy anything Danny Gokey ever puts out.
He should put on a hundred pounds and just become a gospel singer.
That's his forte anyway.
(Fingers crossed and spitting on a dead raccoon for luck)
Bill
Mireille Delunsch is As Much Fun to Watch as She is Pleasurable to Hear...
Rameau goes wild around 5:40.
I like watching Minkowski's clear delight in Mireille's performance here, and how he revels in the queerness of the music right in that passage...
I like watching Minkowski's clear delight in Mireille's performance here, and how he revels in the queerness of the music right in that passage...
Couperin Carousel
Somebody made this 3D animation of Couperin's "Mysterious Barricades" for her baby niece.
She wants it to be realized as a porcelain music box later.
I thought that was cute.
She wants it to be realized as a porcelain music box later.
I thought that was cute.
Couperin is on Twitter? Hahahahaha!
I was looking for a good performance of Les Barricades Mysterieuses, a piece which I loved the first time I heard it many years ago on my car's radio while driving.
Funny how you remember exactly where you were (Spring Creek Road, a rural stretch) when you hear some music.
I didn't like the version I just heard but it had a hilarious comment chain I wanted to share with you.
Barbara Guest put Couperin in a poem. I'm fairly certain it was in Fair Realism.
Dig these comments.
I think this would have been a good song for William Orbit to have included in his cool Pieces in a Modern Style album. It could have used a great update.
I loved what he did with the John Cage piece. And the Ravel Pavane!
That's an album that has to grow on you though. Well, that was my experience. I hated it at first.
I'm tempted to find a piano version of it.
I know that's so cheating since it was written for the harpsichord and suddenly you have all these other possibilities denied to you by the little ole cembalo.
But I'm curious.
I really want to find an electronic version or somethning that's good.
Here's the comment chain that amused me.
jmdecombeyt (3 days ago)
This is possibly the best interpretation that I have ever heard (and I have heard many). The worst is by Blandine Verlet, with her horribly inelegant rubato (it is on YouTube). I was in Paris to attend Scott Ross' concert in 1989, but we were told that it had been cancelled. We learned shortly thereafter that he had died of AIDS. He was the greatest harpsichordist of his generation and left us too soon. Thankfully, I own the integrality of his recordings.
One hypothesis is that "baricades mistérieuses" (the original spelling, "barricades mystérieuses" being the modern spelling) refer to the eyelashes of women, behind which they hide their feminine mystery.
FernandRaynaud (2 weeks ago)
variety. Impossible to say how it was played by Couperin.
trashkwekwe (1 week ago)
i had couperin on the phone yesterday, and he told me liked this version very much
jmdecombeyt (2 days ago)
Pah! I am following Couperin on Twitter and, just five minutes ago, he sent the following update: "scott ross ftw dudz".
otacs2 (2 weeks ago)
Oh my,...I have no problems with the literal meaning, I'd like to know why and how e musical piece cold have such a name...
otacs2 (2 weeks ago)
No one actually knows for sure, Myau. Edward Tatnall Canby suggests that it refers to musical barricades, the lyric suspensions that continually block resolution of the harmonies.
A wonderful piece of music, non?
Myau76 (2 weeks ago)
Very interesting theory. I love this piece. I can't find two player adopting the same tempo solution. Some plays it very "mechanically", some speeds up and slow down almost without reason.
Here some pouty, sorta cute French guy plays it on guitar.
The version I heard ages ago had a mystery. The versions I'm finding are nice but they're just so...oh...I don't know...nice.
It wasn't "just nice" before.
I like when someone in the comment chain on the video says it's good but try playing it with "a little less fingernail." lol
Funny how you remember exactly where you were (Spring Creek Road, a rural stretch) when you hear some music.
I didn't like the version I just heard but it had a hilarious comment chain I wanted to share with you.
Barbara Guest put Couperin in a poem. I'm fairly certain it was in Fair Realism.
Dig these comments.
I think this would have been a good song for William Orbit to have included in his cool Pieces in a Modern Style album. It could have used a great update.
I loved what he did with the John Cage piece. And the Ravel Pavane!
That's an album that has to grow on you though. Well, that was my experience. I hated it at first.
I'm tempted to find a piano version of it.
I know that's so cheating since it was written for the harpsichord and suddenly you have all these other possibilities denied to you by the little ole cembalo.
But I'm curious.
I really want to find an electronic version or somethning that's good.
Here's the comment chain that amused me.
jmdecombeyt (3 days ago)
This is possibly the best interpretation that I have ever heard (and I have heard many). The worst is by Blandine Verlet, with her horribly inelegant rubato (it is on YouTube). I was in Paris to attend Scott Ross' concert in 1989, but we were told that it had been cancelled. We learned shortly thereafter that he had died of AIDS. He was the greatest harpsichordist of his generation and left us too soon. Thankfully, I own the integrality of his recordings.
One hypothesis is that "baricades mistérieuses" (the original spelling, "barricades mystérieuses" being the modern spelling) refer to the eyelashes of women, behind which they hide their feminine mystery.
FernandRaynaud (2 weeks ago)
variety. Impossible to say how it was played by Couperin.
trashkwekwe (1 week ago)
i had couperin on the phone yesterday, and he told me liked this version very much
jmdecombeyt (2 days ago)
Pah! I am following Couperin on Twitter and, just five minutes ago, he sent the following update: "scott ross ftw dudz".
otacs2 (2 weeks ago)
Oh my,...I have no problems with the literal meaning, I'd like to know why and how e musical piece cold have such a name...
otacs2 (2 weeks ago)
No one actually knows for sure, Myau. Edward Tatnall Canby suggests that it refers to musical barricades, the lyric suspensions that continually block resolution of the harmonies.
A wonderful piece of music, non?
Myau76 (2 weeks ago)
Very interesting theory. I love this piece. I can't find two player adopting the same tempo solution. Some plays it very "mechanically", some speeds up and slow down almost without reason.
Here some pouty, sorta cute French guy plays it on guitar.
The version I heard ages ago had a mystery. The versions I'm finding are nice but they're just so...oh...I don't know...nice.
It wasn't "just nice" before.
I like when someone in the comment chain on the video says it's good but try playing it with "a little less fingernail." lol
A Very Imaginative Production of Rameau's Platee
Wiki gives you the background...
Platée (Plataea) is an opera in a prologue and three acts by Jean-Philippe Rameau with a libretto by Adrien-Joseph Le Valois d'Orville. Rameau bought the rights to the libretto Platée ou Junon Jalouse (Plataea, or Juno Jealous) by Jacques Autreau (1657-1745) and had d'Orville modify it.[1] The ultimate source of the story is a myth related by the Greek writer Pausanias in his Guide to Greece.
Rameau's first attempt at comic opera, the plot concerns an ugly water nymph who believes that Jupiter, the king of the gods, is in love with her.[2] The work was initially called a ballet bouffon, though it was later styled a comédie lyrique, putting it in the same category as Rameau's Les Paladins. It was written for the celebrations of the wedding of Louis, Dauphin of France, son of King Louis XV of France, to the Infanta Maria Theresa of Spain, who, according to contemporary sources, like the title character was no beauty. Instead of getting the composer into trouble, the entertainment at Versailles seems to have been well received, and Rameau was appointed a few month later to the position of Composer of the King's Chamber Music with a sizable annual pension.
The opera was first performed on 31 March 1745 at the Grande Ecurie, Versailles.
Background to the opera
Comic opera was relatively rare during the Baroque era in France and the musicologist Cuthbert Girdlestone expresses his surprise that none of Rameau's contemporaries seem to have remarked on the innovative nature of Platée.[3] Rameau may have been inspired by a revival of an earlier comic opera, Les amours de Ragonde by Jean-Joseph Mouret, in 1742,[4] or by Joseph Bodin de Boismortier's comic opera-ballet, Don Quichotte Chez la Duchesse from 1743.
Performance history and reception
Platée was one of the most highly regarded of Rameau's operas during his lifetime. It even pleased critics who had expressed hostility to his musical style during the Querelle des Bouffons (an argument over the relative merits of French and Italian opera). Melchior Grimm called it a "sublime work" and even Rameau's bitter enemy Jean-Jacques Rousseau referred to it as "divine".[5] The reason for this praise may be because these critics saw Platée, a comic opera, paving the way for the lighter form of opera buffa they favoured.[6]
The work received one performance at the marriage festivities at Versailles in 1745. Little is known about the cast of this production, except that the title role was taken by the tenor Pierre Jélyotte, a famous character actor. Rameau revised the opera in collaboration with the librettist Ballot de Sovot and presented it at the Opéra in Paris on 4 February 1749. It was revived again in 1754 as part of the continuing Querelle des Bouffons, pitted against Leonardo Leo's Italian opera buffa, I viaggiatori. It was last performed complete during Rameau's lifetime in 1759.
The next production would not take place until 1901 in Munich, in a heavily adapted German version by Hans Schilling-Ziemssen. The French version reappeared at a production in Monte Carlo in 1917 but Platée only returned to France at the Aix-en-Provence Festival in 1956 with young tenor Michel Sénéchal as the queen of frogs, a part which Mr Sénéchal took again in the Opéra Comique in 1977. The opera made its debut in the United Kingdom in 1983 and in the United States in 1987.
Platée came back to the Paris Opera in April 1999 in a version that was to become later a DVD, with Jean-Paul Fouchécourt, then Paul Agnew, in the title part in a production by Laurent Pelly conducted by Marc Minkowski. The opera was also presented as a co-production of New York City Opera and the Mark Morris Dance Group, directed by Mark Morris during the 1997 Edimburg Festival, a production that toured often from then in London and the USA. It was also staged by the Santa Fe Opera as part of the Summer 2007 Festival season in an adaptation of the Paris Opéra production also directed by Laurent Pelly, with many of the same production team, and conducted by Harry Bicket. Among the singers who were regarded as remarkable in the title role, were Michel Sénéchal, Gilles Ragon, Jean-Paul Fouchécourt, and Paul Agnew.
Roles
Role Voice type Premiere Cast
31 March 1745
(Conductor: - )
Thespis, inventor of comedy high tenor ("haute-contre")
Momus, god of satire baritone
Thalie, muse of comedy soprano
Amour/ Love soprano
Cithéron, King of the Mountain bass baritone
Mercure/ Mercury, the messenger god high tenor
Platée, a travesti role high tenor Pierre Jélyotte
Clarine, maidservant to Platée soprano
Jupiter, king of the gods baritone
La Folie/ Folly soprano
Junon/ Juno, wife of Jupiter mezzo soprano
Animals, scholars, chorus, dancers
Synopsis
Prologue
After a night of partying, the Chorus wakes Thespis from a drunken sleep. When Thalie and Momus arrive, they seek Thespis' help in planning the presentation of an entertainment in which they will recreate a long-ago attempt by Jupiter to cure his wife, Juno, of her jealousy. Initially left out of the planning, a furious Love arrives on the scene and proclaims that it will be impossible to stage the event without her: "how could there be a play without the inspiration of love?" she asks[7]. All four then layout the plan.
Act 1
In the middle of a raging storm, Mercury comes down from the heavens and explains to Citheron that it is caused by Juno's jealousy and that he has been sent by Jupiter to find a way of taking his mind off the problem. Citheron's solution is to propose the enactment of the plan put together by the four conspirators: Jupiter will pretend to fall in love with the ugly marsh nymph, Platée - who is convinced that everything that comes near her pond is madly in love with her - and, when Juno finds them together and about to marry, she will realize that her jealousy is baseless and the couple will be re-united.
After Platée arrives, Mercury leaves to inform Jupiter. While she seems to believe that it is Cithéron who is in love with her - in spite of his denials - she is delighted to hear from Mercury that Jupiter will soon descend from the heavens and declare his love: "The god of thunder, drawn to earth by your beauty, wishes to cast at your feet both his heart and the Universe"[8] A new storm created by Juno bursts forth, but Platée is not put out and the marsh creatures retreat to their watery homes.
Act 2
Having sent Juno off to Athens, Mercury and Cithéron find a hiding place to observe the proceedings. Accompanied by Momus, Jupiter arrives, revealing himself first as a donkey (to the accompanying sounds of donkey braying from the orchestra), then as an owl, and finally, in person in a clap of thunder and bright light. An extended divertissment proceeds during which a show-stopping highlight has La Folie (Madness) singing the story of Apollo and Daphne as a warning to Platée not to get involved with Jupiter. Dancers and singers alternately praise and mock Platée.
Act 3
As people arrive for the marriage of Jupiter and Platée, a furious-at-being-tricked Juno has returned from Athens but she is persuaded to hide until the right moment. Momus appears, poorly disguised as Love, and offers "gifts" to Platée. Jupiter and Platée begin to take part in the wedding ceremony, but, stalling after his initial "I swear", he awaits the arrival of Juno. When she finally sees Platée and removes her veil, she realizes that it was all a joke. The gods ascend back to heaven and the humiliated Platée leaps back into the pond.
References
^ Girdlestone p.436
^ Viking p.838
^ Girdlestone p.336
^ Ivan A. Alexandre p.28
^ Girdlestone p.439
^ Girdlestone p.440
^ Mays,p.56
^ Mays, p.57
Sources
Alexandre, Ivan A., Notes from the CD recording of Platée conducted by Marc Minkowski
Girdlestone, Cuthbert, Jean-Philippe Rameau: His Life and Work, New York: Dover Publications, 1969 ISBN 0486214168
Holden, Amanda, et al (eds.), The Viking Opera Guide, London: Viking, 1993 ISBN 0670812927
Mays, Desirée, "Platée", Opera Unveiled, Volume 9, Santa Fe: Art Forms Inc., 2007 ISBN 9780970782267
Sadler, Graham, et al, The New Grove French Baroque Masters: Lully, Charpentier, Lalande, Couperin, Rameau, Scranton, PA: Norton & Co, 1986 ISBN 0393303527
Poor Platee! The story of a star-crossed would-be starfucker! Baroque style! And it's a tranny baroque starfucker! As you will see in the clips...see above "a travesti role high tenor." Here's some more background.
Marc Minkowski's has "duh stick"...
Overture.
La Folie...check out the gay boys on this stage...this is all so Gaultier...
This one is priceless...
The finale. Spoiler alert lol.
Platée (Plataea) is an opera in a prologue and three acts by Jean-Philippe Rameau with a libretto by Adrien-Joseph Le Valois d'Orville. Rameau bought the rights to the libretto Platée ou Junon Jalouse (Plataea, or Juno Jealous) by Jacques Autreau (1657-1745) and had d'Orville modify it.[1] The ultimate source of the story is a myth related by the Greek writer Pausanias in his Guide to Greece.
Rameau's first attempt at comic opera, the plot concerns an ugly water nymph who believes that Jupiter, the king of the gods, is in love with her.[2] The work was initially called a ballet bouffon, though it was later styled a comédie lyrique, putting it in the same category as Rameau's Les Paladins. It was written for the celebrations of the wedding of Louis, Dauphin of France, son of King Louis XV of France, to the Infanta Maria Theresa of Spain, who, according to contemporary sources, like the title character was no beauty. Instead of getting the composer into trouble, the entertainment at Versailles seems to have been well received, and Rameau was appointed a few month later to the position of Composer of the King's Chamber Music with a sizable annual pension.
The opera was first performed on 31 March 1745 at the Grande Ecurie, Versailles.
Background to the opera
Comic opera was relatively rare during the Baroque era in France and the musicologist Cuthbert Girdlestone expresses his surprise that none of Rameau's contemporaries seem to have remarked on the innovative nature of Platée.[3] Rameau may have been inspired by a revival of an earlier comic opera, Les amours de Ragonde by Jean-Joseph Mouret, in 1742,[4] or by Joseph Bodin de Boismortier's comic opera-ballet, Don Quichotte Chez la Duchesse from 1743.
Performance history and reception
Platée was one of the most highly regarded of Rameau's operas during his lifetime. It even pleased critics who had expressed hostility to his musical style during the Querelle des Bouffons (an argument over the relative merits of French and Italian opera). Melchior Grimm called it a "sublime work" and even Rameau's bitter enemy Jean-Jacques Rousseau referred to it as "divine".[5] The reason for this praise may be because these critics saw Platée, a comic opera, paving the way for the lighter form of opera buffa they favoured.[6]
The work received one performance at the marriage festivities at Versailles in 1745. Little is known about the cast of this production, except that the title role was taken by the tenor Pierre Jélyotte, a famous character actor. Rameau revised the opera in collaboration with the librettist Ballot de Sovot and presented it at the Opéra in Paris on 4 February 1749. It was revived again in 1754 as part of the continuing Querelle des Bouffons, pitted against Leonardo Leo's Italian opera buffa, I viaggiatori. It was last performed complete during Rameau's lifetime in 1759.
The next production would not take place until 1901 in Munich, in a heavily adapted German version by Hans Schilling-Ziemssen. The French version reappeared at a production in Monte Carlo in 1917 but Platée only returned to France at the Aix-en-Provence Festival in 1956 with young tenor Michel Sénéchal as the queen of frogs, a part which Mr Sénéchal took again in the Opéra Comique in 1977. The opera made its debut in the United Kingdom in 1983 and in the United States in 1987.
Platée came back to the Paris Opera in April 1999 in a version that was to become later a DVD, with Jean-Paul Fouchécourt, then Paul Agnew, in the title part in a production by Laurent Pelly conducted by Marc Minkowski. The opera was also presented as a co-production of New York City Opera and the Mark Morris Dance Group, directed by Mark Morris during the 1997 Edimburg Festival, a production that toured often from then in London and the USA. It was also staged by the Santa Fe Opera as part of the Summer 2007 Festival season in an adaptation of the Paris Opéra production also directed by Laurent Pelly, with many of the same production team, and conducted by Harry Bicket. Among the singers who were regarded as remarkable in the title role, were Michel Sénéchal, Gilles Ragon, Jean-Paul Fouchécourt, and Paul Agnew.
Roles
Role Voice type Premiere Cast
31 March 1745
(Conductor: - )
Thespis, inventor of comedy high tenor ("haute-contre")
Momus, god of satire baritone
Thalie, muse of comedy soprano
Amour/ Love soprano
Cithéron, King of the Mountain bass baritone
Mercure/ Mercury, the messenger god high tenor
Platée, a travesti role high tenor Pierre Jélyotte
Clarine, maidservant to Platée soprano
Jupiter, king of the gods baritone
La Folie/ Folly soprano
Junon/ Juno, wife of Jupiter mezzo soprano
Animals, scholars, chorus, dancers
Synopsis
Prologue
After a night of partying, the Chorus wakes Thespis from a drunken sleep. When Thalie and Momus arrive, they seek Thespis' help in planning the presentation of an entertainment in which they will recreate a long-ago attempt by Jupiter to cure his wife, Juno, of her jealousy. Initially left out of the planning, a furious Love arrives on the scene and proclaims that it will be impossible to stage the event without her: "how could there be a play without the inspiration of love?" she asks[7]. All four then layout the plan.
Act 1
In the middle of a raging storm, Mercury comes down from the heavens and explains to Citheron that it is caused by Juno's jealousy and that he has been sent by Jupiter to find a way of taking his mind off the problem. Citheron's solution is to propose the enactment of the plan put together by the four conspirators: Jupiter will pretend to fall in love with the ugly marsh nymph, Platée - who is convinced that everything that comes near her pond is madly in love with her - and, when Juno finds them together and about to marry, she will realize that her jealousy is baseless and the couple will be re-united.
After Platée arrives, Mercury leaves to inform Jupiter. While she seems to believe that it is Cithéron who is in love with her - in spite of his denials - she is delighted to hear from Mercury that Jupiter will soon descend from the heavens and declare his love: "The god of thunder, drawn to earth by your beauty, wishes to cast at your feet both his heart and the Universe"[8] A new storm created by Juno bursts forth, but Platée is not put out and the marsh creatures retreat to their watery homes.
Act 2
Having sent Juno off to Athens, Mercury and Cithéron find a hiding place to observe the proceedings. Accompanied by Momus, Jupiter arrives, revealing himself first as a donkey (to the accompanying sounds of donkey braying from the orchestra), then as an owl, and finally, in person in a clap of thunder and bright light. An extended divertissment proceeds during which a show-stopping highlight has La Folie (Madness) singing the story of Apollo and Daphne as a warning to Platée not to get involved with Jupiter. Dancers and singers alternately praise and mock Platée.
Act 3
As people arrive for the marriage of Jupiter and Platée, a furious-at-being-tricked Juno has returned from Athens but she is persuaded to hide until the right moment. Momus appears, poorly disguised as Love, and offers "gifts" to Platée. Jupiter and Platée begin to take part in the wedding ceremony, but, stalling after his initial "I swear", he awaits the arrival of Juno. When she finally sees Platée and removes her veil, she realizes that it was all a joke. The gods ascend back to heaven and the humiliated Platée leaps back into the pond.
References
^ Girdlestone p.436
^ Viking p.838
^ Girdlestone p.336
^ Ivan A. Alexandre p.28
^ Girdlestone p.439
^ Girdlestone p.440
^ Mays,p.56
^ Mays, p.57
Sources
Alexandre, Ivan A., Notes from the CD recording of Platée conducted by Marc Minkowski
Girdlestone, Cuthbert, Jean-Philippe Rameau: His Life and Work, New York: Dover Publications, 1969 ISBN 0486214168
Holden, Amanda, et al (eds.), The Viking Opera Guide, London: Viking, 1993 ISBN 0670812927
Mays, Desirée, "Platée", Opera Unveiled, Volume 9, Santa Fe: Art Forms Inc., 2007 ISBN 9780970782267
Sadler, Graham, et al, The New Grove French Baroque Masters: Lully, Charpentier, Lalande, Couperin, Rameau, Scranton, PA: Norton & Co, 1986 ISBN 0393303527
Poor Platee! The story of a star-crossed would-be starfucker! Baroque style! And it's a tranny baroque starfucker! As you will see in the clips...see above "a travesti role high tenor." Here's some more background.
Marc Minkowski's has "duh stick"...
Overture.
La Folie...check out the gay boys on this stage...this is all so Gaultier...
This one is priceless...
The finale. Spoiler alert lol.
Today's Playlist. Jason Mraz is Nonpareil. Some Things You Just Can't Script.
Did you see this amazing clip of Jason Mraz freestyling with a busker around the Centre Pompidou? I love the way this song happened. Total kudos to Valerie who shot this. I love this and love the film texture you chose, Valerie! Gorgeous camerawork to accompany an awesome song and moment!
Some audio issues and some truncation on this clip but still worth hearing. Great on album. I couldn't find a live version that came anywhere near the album version of "If It Kills Me--which irked me! I love that song!
TwinofCocteau on YouTube breaks down Robin Guthrie's guitar on "Pink Orange Red." I love to death the acoustic version Liz does of this 100 x better than the album version. She takes the tempo way down and changes the phrasing completely and the whole tenor of the song. The song becomes so vulnerable, broken and beautiful. Even the tempered exuberance of the chorus (orig. version) is downplayed in the acoustic version. And what seemed a tad arty on the original becomes pure skeleton of feeling, just unrivaled. Anyway, here's how to play the original version courtesy of the really awesome TwinofCocteau. He breaks down some other Cocteau Twins songs and songs by other bands I dig--like Mazzy Star.
Oomingmak! From the great, impressionistic Victorialand album. I can't help it that one part of the song reminds me of the Oscar Mayer hot dog theme from the seventies.
What a gorge production of Rameau here...I hate when they try to do "period." I prefer productions like this of early, early. We've all seen tacky Cosi Fan's, etcetera, but I'd rather they take the risk. Because look at the success here. The music is served beautifully by the staging.
Rameau swanked.
Some audio issues and some truncation on this clip but still worth hearing. Great on album. I couldn't find a live version that came anywhere near the album version of "If It Kills Me--which irked me! I love that song!
TwinofCocteau on YouTube breaks down Robin Guthrie's guitar on "Pink Orange Red." I love to death the acoustic version Liz does of this 100 x better than the album version. She takes the tempo way down and changes the phrasing completely and the whole tenor of the song. The song becomes so vulnerable, broken and beautiful. Even the tempered exuberance of the chorus (orig. version) is downplayed in the acoustic version. And what seemed a tad arty on the original becomes pure skeleton of feeling, just unrivaled. Anyway, here's how to play the original version courtesy of the really awesome TwinofCocteau. He breaks down some other Cocteau Twins songs and songs by other bands I dig--like Mazzy Star.
Oomingmak! From the great, impressionistic Victorialand album. I can't help it that one part of the song reminds me of the Oscar Mayer hot dog theme from the seventies.
What a gorge production of Rameau here...I hate when they try to do "period." I prefer productions like this of early, early. We've all seen tacky Cosi Fan's, etcetera, but I'd rather they take the risk. Because look at the success here. The music is served beautifully by the staging.
Rameau swanked.
"The Big Bang": A Poem by Neal (I Think)
I liked it as much when I read it sober as in my cups last night.
It's funny and weird in the way of poets like Lewis Carroll. Maybe a little bit Roald Dahl thrown in.
And it's all true to physics!
How many poems can say that.
Poems will often shit all over physics and foul it the way seagulls do a boardwalk.
Poems are like seagulls.
They really are.
In so many ways.
"Think about it....
I know I haven't."
(Jeri Blank)
Enjoy....
Before the Bang
All the particles of me were there,
and all particles of you.
Did they sit and have tea at three every day?
Because we never do.
All the particles of Ohio were there
And all the particles of New York
Did you need the particles of a plane?
Of a bag of peanuts? A plastic fork?
All the particles of the last human baby
ever to be born.
All the particles of every thread of
every sweater you’ve never worn.
There were top forty songs.
There were pages of poems.
There was a murderous villain and
a troubling syndrome.
There was a moon there mixed with a bumble-bee sun.
There was a mother there mixed with a map of the moon.
There were tiger-birds there with red branch beaks
who chattered nothing but, “Soon. Soon. Soon.”
It's funny and weird in the way of poets like Lewis Carroll. Maybe a little bit Roald Dahl thrown in.
And it's all true to physics!
How many poems can say that.
Poems will often shit all over physics and foul it the way seagulls do a boardwalk.
Poems are like seagulls.
They really are.
In so many ways.
"Think about it....
I know I haven't."
(Jeri Blank)
Enjoy....
Before the Bang
All the particles of me were there,
and all particles of you.
Did they sit and have tea at three every day?
Because we never do.
All the particles of Ohio were there
And all the particles of New York
Did you need the particles of a plane?
Of a bag of peanuts? A plastic fork?
All the particles of the last human baby
ever to be born.
All the particles of every thread of
every sweater you’ve never worn.
There were top forty songs.
There were pages of poems.
There was a murderous villain and
a troubling syndrome.
There was a moon there mixed with a bumble-bee sun.
There was a mother there mixed with a map of the moon.
There were tiger-birds there with red branch beaks
who chattered nothing but, “Soon. Soon. Soon.”
Twittering Machine
A bunch of homeless drunks are sitting, leaning against a concrete wall in a fucked-up city somewhere. DIAS is a drunk in an Aerosmith shirt. DIAF is a drunk in an Abercrombie & Fitch shirt. DIH is a drunk in a Hollister shirt. DIMM is a drunk in a Modest Mouse t-shirt. DIHK is a drunk in a pink Hello Kitty girl's shirt. All are male.
DIHK: I'm afraid of success. I think that's what it is.
DIAF: Shut the fuck up. You live in a box.
DIHK: So do you!
DIAF: Fuck you. Mine is a split level. And I have air conditioning. Your brother blows cum bubbles with his ass. That's why we have these gay ass t-shirts.
DIHK: Oh right. Air conditioning. That hole you cut in the top. Hey there goes your Dad. To work. I'm gonna call him over here. (shouting) Hey, Mr. Sowers! Vinnie!! Over here! Look, he's running. Hahaha!"
DIAF: You're an asshole. You really are.
DIAS: Moron brigade. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to Twitter. Ashton Kuchur has more than a million followers on Twitter.
DIMM: I would blow a crack whore for an Orange Julius right now.
DIAF: Shut up with the fucking Orange Julius. Every fucking day. They went out of the mall. They ain't coming back. Get over it. Get into smoothies or something gay like that.
DIAS: Ashton Kuchur. Right. I think we could be friends. I would so like to get into something with Demi and him. I'd want her to throw me and Ashton around the room as G.I. Jane. And then she'd turn into a stripper and we'd both get on either side of her. And then I'd ask her if she could pretend to be Miley Cyrus or Rumer just so she'd fucking freak out and beat the shit out of me. I think that would be funny. And I'd film them throwing me out of the house and I'd put it on YouTube and it would get more hits than their fucking Twitter.
DIH: I think I have cancer. In my testicles. Or my ass or something. Have you seen my rectal thermometer?
DIAF: Check Hello Kitty's brother when he comes by. He's probably using it like one of those turkey pop-up thermometers so his boyfriend knows when he's ready. Hey what's the difference between Jeff Gordon....
DIHK: And a refrigerator. We all know it. That joke's as old as the green shit under your scrotum. Freak.
DIMM: I would cut off my little finger on my left hand if I had my own Orange Julius stand. Orange Julius and Bacardi. I love that fucking little bat to death.
DIHK: Okay. True or false. See if you get this.
DIAF: Oh fucking kill me. I hate these fucking games. We might have to wear gay shirts, but we don't gotta have a fucking cheeseball party on the street at 9 in the morning okay. I think I can smell your period from here. And it's ninety degrees. I swear I'm going to put some ice cubes under my balls. That feels so fucking good.
DIHK: True or false: The Ayatollah Khomeini approved free sex changes for all Iranian transgender people when he was in power.
DIAF: Fuck no! I'm sure he lined them up and shot them all. Wait. Fucked them and then shot them. He looked like a goat in a toga.
DIH: That's weird enough to be true.
DIMM: False. They're fundamentalist creeps.
DIAS: It's true. I just Googled it. That is so fucked up.
DIHK: Well, some people say it was the solution to not having "gay people" in their culture. Change their sex. Then they're not "gay."
DIAF: Hahahaha! Language is reality. But the horsey-faced ones. Won't that throw a monkey wrench into the view?
DIHK: There are horsey-faced women...and men...everywhere.
DIAS: I'm homeless and I'm addicted to alcohol, Google and Twitter.
DIAF: Epiphany alert. You should go on Oprah. Oprah specializes in epiphanies.
DIH: What's an epiphany? Is that a person?
DIHK: If you ask the drunk to your left, he will probably let you go to dictionary.com and read it. That way you will not forget it.
DIAF: You really do get a period, don't you? Do tampons really have wings? Is that just a myth? True or false? True or false? Es verdad? Falso?
DIAS: What the fuck was your brother doing with an Aerosmith t-shirt anyway? I mean I sorta get the other ones. Sorry to stereotype and no offense but...
DIHK: That relationship didn't work out.
DIAF: Gee, I wonder why.
DIHK: Oh please. If you think Steven Tyler's lips got that way without giving a few hundred blow jobs...
DIMM: Tru dat.
DIH: Religion, yo!
DIAF: Oh fuck you. Schlobben mein Knobben.
DIHK: I'm afraid of success. I think that's what it is.
DIAF: Shut the fuck up. You live in a box.
DIHK: So do you!
DIAF: Fuck you. Mine is a split level. And I have air conditioning. Your brother blows cum bubbles with his ass. That's why we have these gay ass t-shirts.
DIHK: Oh right. Air conditioning. That hole you cut in the top. Hey there goes your Dad. To work. I'm gonna call him over here. (shouting) Hey, Mr. Sowers! Vinnie!! Over here! Look, he's running. Hahaha!"
DIAF: You're an asshole. You really are.
DIAS: Moron brigade. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to Twitter. Ashton Kuchur has more than a million followers on Twitter.
DIMM: I would blow a crack whore for an Orange Julius right now.
DIAF: Shut up with the fucking Orange Julius. Every fucking day. They went out of the mall. They ain't coming back. Get over it. Get into smoothies or something gay like that.
DIAS: Ashton Kuchur. Right. I think we could be friends. I would so like to get into something with Demi and him. I'd want her to throw me and Ashton around the room as G.I. Jane. And then she'd turn into a stripper and we'd both get on either side of her. And then I'd ask her if she could pretend to be Miley Cyrus or Rumer just so she'd fucking freak out and beat the shit out of me. I think that would be funny. And I'd film them throwing me out of the house and I'd put it on YouTube and it would get more hits than their fucking Twitter.
DIH: I think I have cancer. In my testicles. Or my ass or something. Have you seen my rectal thermometer?
DIAF: Check Hello Kitty's brother when he comes by. He's probably using it like one of those turkey pop-up thermometers so his boyfriend knows when he's ready. Hey what's the difference between Jeff Gordon....
DIHK: And a refrigerator. We all know it. That joke's as old as the green shit under your scrotum. Freak.
DIMM: I would cut off my little finger on my left hand if I had my own Orange Julius stand. Orange Julius and Bacardi. I love that fucking little bat to death.
DIHK: Okay. True or false. See if you get this.
DIAF: Oh fucking kill me. I hate these fucking games. We might have to wear gay shirts, but we don't gotta have a fucking cheeseball party on the street at 9 in the morning okay. I think I can smell your period from here. And it's ninety degrees. I swear I'm going to put some ice cubes under my balls. That feels so fucking good.
DIHK: True or false: The Ayatollah Khomeini approved free sex changes for all Iranian transgender people when he was in power.
DIAF: Fuck no! I'm sure he lined them up and shot them all. Wait. Fucked them and then shot them. He looked like a goat in a toga.
DIH: That's weird enough to be true.
DIMM: False. They're fundamentalist creeps.
DIAS: It's true. I just Googled it. That is so fucked up.
DIHK: Well, some people say it was the solution to not having "gay people" in their culture. Change their sex. Then they're not "gay."
DIAF: Hahahaha! Language is reality. But the horsey-faced ones. Won't that throw a monkey wrench into the view?
DIHK: There are horsey-faced women...and men...everywhere.
DIAS: I'm homeless and I'm addicted to alcohol, Google and Twitter.
DIAF: Epiphany alert. You should go on Oprah. Oprah specializes in epiphanies.
DIH: What's an epiphany? Is that a person?
DIHK: If you ask the drunk to your left, he will probably let you go to dictionary.com and read it. That way you will not forget it.
DIAF: You really do get a period, don't you? Do tampons really have wings? Is that just a myth? True or false? True or false? Es verdad? Falso?
DIAS: What the fuck was your brother doing with an Aerosmith t-shirt anyway? I mean I sorta get the other ones. Sorry to stereotype and no offense but...
DIHK: That relationship didn't work out.
DIAF: Gee, I wonder why.
DIHK: Oh please. If you think Steven Tyler's lips got that way without giving a few hundred blow jobs...
DIMM: Tru dat.
DIH: Religion, yo!
DIAF: Oh fuck you. Schlobben mein Knobben.
"The 10 Things You Should Never Say at Work"
I'm so tired of these mother-whoring top ten lists that AOL and every other friggin internet disservice provider (IDP) casts like fishhooks in your naked eye as soon as you sign on the goddamn idiot box.
Yes, "like a chump ay! like a chump ay!" I have clicked on "10 Items to NEVER Buy in a Dollar Store" ("The toothpaste brands with funny names like CREEM and FLENSE might still be poisoned with antifreeze from American-hating Chinese toothpaste makers") and "10 Ways to Make Your Sex Life Better" ("Throw an ambidextrous, bisexual midget into the mix.")
But I REFUSED to click on "The 10 Things You Should NEVER Say at Work."
Because obviously there are really 10 million things you should NEVER say at work, depending on the context.
Like you should never ask your clearly closeted supervisor if he prefers his women to "ride cowgirl" or "Do you like to rope those dogies in from behind?" And don't ask him if his favorite movie is Free Willy.
Don't ask black people if Tim Allen is funny.
Don't ask if giving a multi-pack of CLEAR BLUE EASY in the Christmas office gift pool is appropriate when you draw the office slut's name.
Anyhoo, I thought WHY I NEED TO CLICK ON YOUR LIST, HUH, WHY?
Anyone can make a "10 Things" list.
So, here's my version of "The 10 Things You Should Never Say at Work."
Feel free to not read it.
10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT WORK
1. "My doctor is fairly certain my leprosy has been in remission for three months now. Isn't that AWESOME? I made that cheeseball by hand...isn't it delicious?!"
2. "Slavery had pro's and con's. It did have its upside. It's all I can do to bring myself to clean my house once a month. I think it's still legal in some states. Thank God."
3. "I just came from the bathroom and Gary was in the stall next to mine and he started playing footsie. I didn't "footsie back." He still owes me from the sixty-eight on Monday. Fuck him. Men!"
4. "I'm having an abortion on Monday. Would you like to come?"
5. "I'm bisexual. I'm like a mullet. Business up front AND party round the back."
6. "I would so eat Miley Cyrus's pussy while Billy Ray gave me a snocone."
7. "My grandma gave me herpes. My parents kept making me kiss her at those holiday gatherings. I knew the bitch was dirty. They thought it was fucking cute when I didn't want to kiss her. Where's my fucking Abreva?"
8. "Wanna see my vacation photographs of THE SUPERMARKET OF BOYS AND GIRLS I took in Thailand?"
9. (Pressing gauze to arm) "If you have AIDS it's okay to donate blood, right?"
10. (Pointing to clothes) "Does this make me look straight?"
Yes, "like a chump ay! like a chump ay!" I have clicked on "10 Items to NEVER Buy in a Dollar Store" ("The toothpaste brands with funny names like CREEM and FLENSE might still be poisoned with antifreeze from American-hating Chinese toothpaste makers") and "10 Ways to Make Your Sex Life Better" ("Throw an ambidextrous, bisexual midget into the mix.")
But I REFUSED to click on "The 10 Things You Should NEVER Say at Work."
Because obviously there are really 10 million things you should NEVER say at work, depending on the context.
Like you should never ask your clearly closeted supervisor if he prefers his women to "ride cowgirl" or "Do you like to rope those dogies in from behind?" And don't ask him if his favorite movie is Free Willy.
Don't ask black people if Tim Allen is funny.
Don't ask if giving a multi-pack of CLEAR BLUE EASY in the Christmas office gift pool is appropriate when you draw the office slut's name.
Anyhoo, I thought WHY I NEED TO CLICK ON YOUR LIST, HUH, WHY?
Anyone can make a "10 Things" list.
So, here's my version of "The 10 Things You Should Never Say at Work."
Feel free to not read it.
10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT WORK
1. "My doctor is fairly certain my leprosy has been in remission for three months now. Isn't that AWESOME? I made that cheeseball by hand...isn't it delicious?!"
2. "Slavery had pro's and con's. It did have its upside. It's all I can do to bring myself to clean my house once a month. I think it's still legal in some states. Thank God."
3. "I just came from the bathroom and Gary was in the stall next to mine and he started playing footsie. I didn't "footsie back." He still owes me from the sixty-eight on Monday. Fuck him. Men!"
4. "I'm having an abortion on Monday. Would you like to come?"
5. "I'm bisexual. I'm like a mullet. Business up front AND party round the back."
6. "I would so eat Miley Cyrus's pussy while Billy Ray gave me a snocone."
7. "My grandma gave me herpes. My parents kept making me kiss her at those holiday gatherings. I knew the bitch was dirty. They thought it was fucking cute when I didn't want to kiss her. Where's my fucking Abreva?"
8. "Wanna see my vacation photographs of THE SUPERMARKET OF BOYS AND GIRLS I took in Thailand?"
9. (Pressing gauze to arm) "If you have AIDS it's okay to donate blood, right?"
10. (Pointing to clothes) "Does this make me look straight?"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Titina (Love that Name!) in the Matt Giraud Army with Me Wrote Me and Chided Me
in a nice way for not doing a "Vote for MATT GIRAUD!!" post today.
And she's right.
We all know how perilous the waters we are entering now are.
I have no doubt whom I want to take down: Danny Gokey.
But after that, it's truly going to be hard to wish ill.
Okay, Allison Iraheta after that. Since she will have a great career either way.
Everybody says Lambert has already won it and it looks that way, but we must fight on.
Vote for Matt Giraud, please!!
About 100 redials at least tonight, okay?
Thanks. You'll be my new bestest friend.
You'll replace my dealer and the lady who works at the state store!
Isn't that awesome?
Titina wrote me today:
Hey there! Remember to keep voting Matty G tonight.
I hope he has a moment there. RIght now is his only hope for survival.
I am believing in your premonition..\
Hope it comes true.
Oh well. When you wish upon a star.
Remember hit redial and eat something sugary.
You should urge Matt to vote with another blog post. I am so nervous about tonight.
Thanks!
I am nervous about tonight too, Titina!
(That's an even better name than Tituba!)
Let's keep our fingers or legs crossed with that gay Disney cricket that you quoted!
And she's right.
We all know how perilous the waters we are entering now are.
I have no doubt whom I want to take down: Danny Gokey.
But after that, it's truly going to be hard to wish ill.
Okay, Allison Iraheta after that. Since she will have a great career either way.
Everybody says Lambert has already won it and it looks that way, but we must fight on.
Vote for Matt Giraud, please!!
About 100 redials at least tonight, okay?
Thanks. You'll be my new bestest friend.
You'll replace my dealer and the lady who works at the state store!
Isn't that awesome?
Titina wrote me today:
Hey there! Remember to keep voting Matty G tonight.
I hope he has a moment there. RIght now is his only hope for survival.
I am believing in your premonition..\
Hope it comes true.
Oh well. When you wish upon a star.
Remember hit redial and eat something sugary.
You should urge Matt to vote with another blog post. I am so nervous about tonight.
Thanks!
I am nervous about tonight too, Titina!
(That's an even better name than Tituba!)
Let's keep our fingers or legs crossed with that gay Disney cricket that you quoted!
Playing Literary Critic with the Laws of the Universe
Sure, why stop being a little bitch just because it's physics, right?
Back when I was in high school and in advanced everything, I was considered to have a good head for science. I won the school award for highest G.P.A. in biology (and English and math and Latin).
But this was before I had discovered how to bypass the blood-brain barrier, and the wonders of substances that could take us on those magical journeys, and say "fuck off biotch!" to the blood-brain barrier (BBB, if you are on as familiar terms as we are).
But I guess I was nostalgiac, because I was reading a book which recapitulated the most important ideas of physics.
And I found myself arguing with some of the principles and ideas.
I thought I would share my thoughts on a few of these ideas I've been revisiting, as if they were books of poetry to say "yay" or "nay" to like a gay congressman or a gay Amish man.
THE DOPPLER EFFECT.
Big thumbs up on this one, because it is such an easy concept to understand. You can draw pictures of what's actually happening that even a third grader would probably understand. Poor Christian Doppler (1803-53). He died young and he only discovered this because he was too constitutionally weak to be a stonemason like everyone else hale and hearty in his Salzburg family. Probably they played Mozart really loud and ignored him when he tried to explain this principle. Because that's what most of "legitimate science" did. And he was so right. The thought is that he fudged some experimental "results" he couldn't possibly achieve in his time. But he knew he was right. Red-shift, blue-shift, one fish, two fish. He saw it all. And he's the reason we know almost everything we know about those impossible distances. Planets cause disturbances and wobbles that red-shift or blue-shift the spectra of stars. And that's how we "see" those planets. Cosmological redshift is properly speaking due to the expansion of space, but some people mistakenly classify that as another Doppler effect. That's not a true Doppler effect, though, and if you're calling cosmological redshift a Doppler effect stop doing that. Even at cocktail parties. Cuz you're lying.
SUPERCONDUCTIVITY.
This is awesome. If you freeze mercury down to a few degrees above absolute zero and pass a current through, you will have no resistance whatsoever. Throw Ohm's Law (V=IR) out the window, dude.
It's the closest thing to perpetual motion we've achieved on earth. The Ancients would be like so jealous. It's all about the Cooper pairs. Metals are latticeworks. Did you know that at ultracold temps (like 170 billionths of a Kelvin) many bosons can all inhabit the same quantum state? Bose-Einstein condenstates are cool. I was drawing pictures of this phenom yesterday in the tub and feeling strangely exhilarated. The problem is we need WARM superconductors...we have compounds of lanthanum, barium, copper, and oxygen (cuprates) which are ok to go at 30 kelvins. Then one came that could work at 90 kelvins. We don't know why "high temperature superconductivity" even happens. There are no theories. Yet.
THE BIG BANG.
An awesome idea. But did you know for the first 300,000 years of the universe's existence atoms didn't even exist? It was the temperature. It was insane. At 10,000 years of age, the universe was still at 12,000 K! But by 380,000 years, recombination can finally occur: hydrogn gas cools down enough to form molecules. "ONLY 3000 K," I say ironically. Compare that to the universe's temperature today: 2.726 K. Chilly willy. Nobody knows what happened before 10 picoseconds becuase the temperature was so high the laws of physics were just kablooey. Even at 10 picoseconds, the temp was 1-2 QUADRILLION K!!!!
THE ANTHROPIC PRINCIPLE.
Okay, this one I argue with constantly. It's so fuckin Bishop Berkeley. I understand Michio Kaku probably agrees with this totally with his parallel universes, but I'm old skool. Without data to back it up, it's just more bullshit philosophy. Hypothesis floating there. It might as well be the flying spaghetti monster.
BROWNIAN MOTION.
Another easy one. People often read this too quickly and think they understand it when they don't. It's random yes, but why does it produce in fractals? That's sort of weird and I haven't seen a good accounting of why that randomness ends up being as fractalline as coastline or a snowflake?
ABSOLUTE ZERO.
Another one of those limits you might approach asymptotically in nature, but you're probably never gonna get there. An elegant innovation. No wonder we use that scale. I mean scientists do. Go, Lord Kelvin!
HUYGENS' PRINCIPLE.
Simple. Elegant. And he discovered Saturn's rings. And Titan. How proud he would be of the probe bearing his name landing there. Mr. Kaku got very upset about the HUYGENS launch. Because of the plutonium. He felt that could have been a terrible disaster had anything gone wrong. NASA probably hates him. But he critiques them on a lot more than that.
SCHRODINGER'S WAVE EQUATION.
Here is where I got really mad at physics. In ninth grade. Because all the elegance went out of the equations and scientists began talking out of their asses, I felt. It wasn't elegant like Einstein anymore. This is messy. Because you are and you aren't. You're a wave. Then you're a particle. I hate that. Something is not clicking in the human brain. Maybe something we aren't designed to understand or maybe the math is just still over-ornate.
PAULI'S EXCLUSION PRINCIPLE.
This one is awesome and perfectly structurally sound. Why can't two objects go through each other since they are mostly empty space? Because of how fermions have to behave. Quantum energy states cannot be shared so rigidity occurs. Bosons, as mentioned above, are exceptions to this rule. Bosons are not fermions.
DARK MATTER. Read all about MACHOS and WIMPS. Who said physicists don't have a sense of humor? This is, though, a big dumbness (lacuna) in current knowledge. This is where scientists are talking out their butts and have no clue. We know it exists by deformations and gravity but we have no clue what it is. Look for this to be revised. Bigtime. Into several factors probably. Not one.
THE FERMI PARADOX.
The Drake Equation and all that. Mathematically, there probably is no paradox at all. I mean if you crunch the numbers. There's just not been enough time. And this puppy is expanding everywhere into an isotropic lounge chair view of distance.
Back when I was in high school and in advanced everything, I was considered to have a good head for science. I won the school award for highest G.P.A. in biology (and English and math and Latin).
But this was before I had discovered how to bypass the blood-brain barrier, and the wonders of substances that could take us on those magical journeys, and say "fuck off biotch!" to the blood-brain barrier (BBB, if you are on as familiar terms as we are).
But I guess I was nostalgiac, because I was reading a book which recapitulated the most important ideas of physics.
And I found myself arguing with some of the principles and ideas.
I thought I would share my thoughts on a few of these ideas I've been revisiting, as if they were books of poetry to say "yay" or "nay" to like a gay congressman or a gay Amish man.
THE DOPPLER EFFECT.
Big thumbs up on this one, because it is such an easy concept to understand. You can draw pictures of what's actually happening that even a third grader would probably understand. Poor Christian Doppler (1803-53). He died young and he only discovered this because he was too constitutionally weak to be a stonemason like everyone else hale and hearty in his Salzburg family. Probably they played Mozart really loud and ignored him when he tried to explain this principle. Because that's what most of "legitimate science" did. And he was so right. The thought is that he fudged some experimental "results" he couldn't possibly achieve in his time. But he knew he was right. Red-shift, blue-shift, one fish, two fish. He saw it all. And he's the reason we know almost everything we know about those impossible distances. Planets cause disturbances and wobbles that red-shift or blue-shift the spectra of stars. And that's how we "see" those planets. Cosmological redshift is properly speaking due to the expansion of space, but some people mistakenly classify that as another Doppler effect. That's not a true Doppler effect, though, and if you're calling cosmological redshift a Doppler effect stop doing that. Even at cocktail parties. Cuz you're lying.
SUPERCONDUCTIVITY.
This is awesome. If you freeze mercury down to a few degrees above absolute zero and pass a current through, you will have no resistance whatsoever. Throw Ohm's Law (V=IR) out the window, dude.
It's the closest thing to perpetual motion we've achieved on earth. The Ancients would be like so jealous. It's all about the Cooper pairs. Metals are latticeworks. Did you know that at ultracold temps (like 170 billionths of a Kelvin) many bosons can all inhabit the same quantum state? Bose-Einstein condenstates are cool. I was drawing pictures of this phenom yesterday in the tub and feeling strangely exhilarated. The problem is we need WARM superconductors...we have compounds of lanthanum, barium, copper, and oxygen (cuprates) which are ok to go at 30 kelvins. Then one came that could work at 90 kelvins. We don't know why "high temperature superconductivity" even happens. There are no theories. Yet.
THE BIG BANG.
An awesome idea. But did you know for the first 300,000 years of the universe's existence atoms didn't even exist? It was the temperature. It was insane. At 10,000 years of age, the universe was still at 12,000 K! But by 380,000 years, recombination can finally occur: hydrogn gas cools down enough to form molecules. "ONLY 3000 K," I say ironically. Compare that to the universe's temperature today: 2.726 K. Chilly willy. Nobody knows what happened before 10 picoseconds becuase the temperature was so high the laws of physics were just kablooey. Even at 10 picoseconds, the temp was 1-2 QUADRILLION K!!!!
THE ANTHROPIC PRINCIPLE.
Okay, this one I argue with constantly. It's so fuckin Bishop Berkeley. I understand Michio Kaku probably agrees with this totally with his parallel universes, but I'm old skool. Without data to back it up, it's just more bullshit philosophy. Hypothesis floating there. It might as well be the flying spaghetti monster.
BROWNIAN MOTION.
Another easy one. People often read this too quickly and think they understand it when they don't. It's random yes, but why does it produce in fractals? That's sort of weird and I haven't seen a good accounting of why that randomness ends up being as fractalline as coastline or a snowflake?
ABSOLUTE ZERO.
Another one of those limits you might approach asymptotically in nature, but you're probably never gonna get there. An elegant innovation. No wonder we use that scale. I mean scientists do. Go, Lord Kelvin!
HUYGENS' PRINCIPLE.
Simple. Elegant. And he discovered Saturn's rings. And Titan. How proud he would be of the probe bearing his name landing there. Mr. Kaku got very upset about the HUYGENS launch. Because of the plutonium. He felt that could have been a terrible disaster had anything gone wrong. NASA probably hates him. But he critiques them on a lot more than that.
SCHRODINGER'S WAVE EQUATION.
Here is where I got really mad at physics. In ninth grade. Because all the elegance went out of the equations and scientists began talking out of their asses, I felt. It wasn't elegant like Einstein anymore. This is messy. Because you are and you aren't. You're a wave. Then you're a particle. I hate that. Something is not clicking in the human brain. Maybe something we aren't designed to understand or maybe the math is just still over-ornate.
PAULI'S EXCLUSION PRINCIPLE.
This one is awesome and perfectly structurally sound. Why can't two objects go through each other since they are mostly empty space? Because of how fermions have to behave. Quantum energy states cannot be shared so rigidity occurs. Bosons, as mentioned above, are exceptions to this rule. Bosons are not fermions.
DARK MATTER. Read all about MACHOS and WIMPS. Who said physicists don't have a sense of humor? This is, though, a big dumbness (lacuna) in current knowledge. This is where scientists are talking out their butts and have no clue. We know it exists by deformations and gravity but we have no clue what it is. Look for this to be revised. Bigtime. Into several factors probably. Not one.
THE FERMI PARADOX.
The Drake Equation and all that. Mathematically, there probably is no paradox at all. I mean if you crunch the numbers. There's just not been enough time. And this puppy is expanding everywhere into an isotropic lounge chair view of distance.
And Now for Something Completely Different
I find Susan Lucci fascinating. I think she realized early on she could be a successful actress without really taking it that seriously.
And I respect that decision. To suck. And remain beautiful and alluring while sucking.
I think she knows what she's giving is exactly what the writing deserves, whether it's Erica Kane or a Lifetime Television Movie (check out The Perfect Neighbor!) or this piece of crap here.
Way to critique the writer, Su-Lu!
And I respect that decision. To suck. And remain beautiful and alluring while sucking.
I think she knows what she's giving is exactly what the writing deserves, whether it's Erica Kane or a Lifetime Television Movie (check out The Perfect Neighbor!) or this piece of crap here.
Way to critique the writer, Su-Lu!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Enjoy One of the Best Poets Writing Today
This video has her name spelled wrong on the titles lol.
Amazingly low number of hits on all these clips? A shame. What do we gotta do? Maybe have Mischa Barton or Paris Hilton read a few of them...I think that would be awesome...
This is Grisly. Do You Know What "Grave Wax" Is? Did You Read about the Canadian "Feet Mystery?"
Don't click on this if you are eating or have a sensitive stomach, okay?
The mystery of the floating Adidas.
Yuck.
One foot was DNA-matched to a body of a man who had gone missing in a state of depression and ruled a probable suicide.
And here's another follow-up linking the left foot to its right.
Something's afoot.
But the case or cases seem to be largely unsolved, with the exception of the "depressed" man, and even that is speculation. These could still all be homicides, linked or not.
And I just found this article where the count reaches SEVEN feet...this is definitely too unlikely for coincidence...unless hoaxsters have joined in now as they did with the animal's paw in the trainer...
Seven is not a lucky number.
The mystery of the floating Adidas.
Yuck.
One foot was DNA-matched to a body of a man who had gone missing in a state of depression and ruled a probable suicide.
And here's another follow-up linking the left foot to its right.
Something's afoot.
But the case or cases seem to be largely unsolved, with the exception of the "depressed" man, and even that is speculation. These could still all be homicides, linked or not.
And I just found this article where the count reaches SEVEN feet...this is definitely too unlikely for coincidence...unless hoaxsters have joined in now as they did with the animal's paw in the trainer...
Seven is not a lucky number.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Possibly the Best Soliloquy in the History of American Television
Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman was my favorite television show when I was a kid.
It was sort of David Lynch before David Lynch, but minus the ominous soundtrack and the blood. It was David Lynch on Valium.
The first clip has one of the best soliloquies in the history of American television. It begins around six minutes or so into the clip.
Louise Lasser might have been a total pothead when she was filming this show. I know she was outed as a smoker around that time. I'm not sure. But a sui generis and very gifted actress for sure. I think she was with Woody Allen around this period.
This show prefigured so much that ws to follow in terms of the artistic liberties it took.
When it was in full stride, it was often as good as many of the plays being written for the stage at the time.
It's 93 degrees. In April. In Pennsylvania.
It was sort of David Lynch before David Lynch, but minus the ominous soundtrack and the blood. It was David Lynch on Valium.
The first clip has one of the best soliloquies in the history of American television. It begins around six minutes or so into the clip.
Louise Lasser might have been a total pothead when she was filming this show. I know she was outed as a smoker around that time. I'm not sure. But a sui generis and very gifted actress for sure. I think she was with Woody Allen around this period.
This show prefigured so much that ws to follow in terms of the artistic liberties it took.
When it was in full stride, it was often as good as many of the plays being written for the stage at the time.
It's 93 degrees. In April. In Pennsylvania.
She Was the Sitcom
Some seventies sitcoms were funny because of the way they reflected all the bullshit thinking and prejudice back at America.
MAUDE was one that scored ocassional touchdowns in this area.
And I love the seventies decor here! Many of the weirdest elements of seventies design are present in this set. That's half the reason I liked Running with Scissors so much...the horrible, fascinating seventies design.
I bought an odd book yesterday--it is a book filled with blueprints for the imaginary houses and apartments where celebrated sitcoms took place. For instance, the apartment of Oscar and Felix on The Odd Couple, the houses in the suburbs occupied by The Brady Bunch and the Cunningham family on Happy Days, etc.
These are realistically laid out blueprints for houses and apartments which never existed, or which existed only as fragmented sets.
I think it's one of the strangest ideas for a book I have ever seen.
MAUDE was one that scored ocassional touchdowns in this area.
And I love the seventies decor here! Many of the weirdest elements of seventies design are present in this set. That's half the reason I liked Running with Scissors so much...the horrible, fascinating seventies design.
I bought an odd book yesterday--it is a book filled with blueprints for the imaginary houses and apartments where celebrated sitcoms took place. For instance, the apartment of Oscar and Felix on The Odd Couple, the houses in the suburbs occupied by The Brady Bunch and the Cunningham family on Happy Days, etc.
These are realistically laid out blueprints for houses and apartments which never existed, or which existed only as fragmented sets.
I think it's one of the strangest ideas for a book I have ever seen.
Goodbye, Bea Arthur!
I'm sorry I was convinced for most of my life you were a man.
It was those tunics!
I was sure you were hiding a penis! And of course that voice.
86. Not bad.
I remember you reading from Pamela Anderson's "novel" at her roast. You were great.
I remember Rufus Wainwright putting you in a song as his "new grandma" lol.
Everybody loved you.
Adrienne Barbeau had nothing on you with those big tits.
I never got into Golden Girls but most of my friends did so thanks for that too.
You helped transgender people everywhere without being transgender.
Because you were parturient, so obviously a gg (genetic girl).
So thanks for taking that brunt on your broad, masculine shoulders.
You were funny and a good actress.
Hollywood missed out by not using you more.
It was their loss.
You would think Woody Allen at least would have seen the potential.
Oh well.
No second chances.
Ave et Vale!
It was those tunics!
I was sure you were hiding a penis! And of course that voice.
86. Not bad.
I remember you reading from Pamela Anderson's "novel" at her roast. You were great.
I remember Rufus Wainwright putting you in a song as his "new grandma" lol.
Everybody loved you.
Adrienne Barbeau had nothing on you with those big tits.
I never got into Golden Girls but most of my friends did so thanks for that too.
You helped transgender people everywhere without being transgender.
Because you were parturient, so obviously a gg (genetic girl).
So thanks for taking that brunt on your broad, masculine shoulders.
You were funny and a good actress.
Hollywood missed out by not using you more.
It was their loss.
You would think Woody Allen at least would have seen the potential.
Oh well.
No second chances.
Ave et Vale!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
If You Missed Out on This...
you missed out.
But you can enjoy it here.
I'm sure it will get yanked soon.
Gotta admire a girl who works this hard.
And I gotta admire a girl who cribs from Hilaire Belloc.
Props to the Shticksta.
But you can enjoy it here.
I'm sure it will get yanked soon.
Gotta admire a girl who works this hard.
And I gotta admire a girl who cribs from Hilaire Belloc.
Props to the Shticksta.
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Lifeboat
A disaster has occurred aboard a noted fashionista's yacht in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, in the middle of the night, and Kathy Griffin, Paris Hilton and Perez Hilton have all ended up in the same lifeboat. The fashionista and the ship's crew, alas, ended up in Davy Jones's locker.
Unfortunately, the U.S. Coast Guard was not notified, and nobody is searching for the missing trio but the paparazzi, and they are only looking on land for these celebrities vital to the survival of our culture.
We join the celebrities on their fourth day lost at sea.
FOURTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS
What ocean is this anyway? The Atlantis or the Specific? Do you think there's any chance we might land on Fantasy Island? Or Gilligan's Island?
PEREZ
You asked that two days ago. About ten times. Hey, look...your chihuhua is having a seizure or whatever again. I think he drank more sea water last night. I told you not to let him do that.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up both of you! It's been over 72 hours since I botoxed. I think my eyelid just passed my nose on its way to my mouth.
PARIS
Oh Kathy, you're melting in the sun! Your face looks like white chocolate. Can I lick it?
PEREZ
Paris! You weren't drinking from the ocean too, were you?
PARIS
Just a little. It had this white stuff on top. It looked like cappuccino.
KATHY GRIFFIN
My god! I'm really going to die out here, aren't I? I finally made it to the A list and I'm gonna go right to the real D list. The one where everyone pretends to like you for ten seconds and then forgets you forever! Out here in the middle of the ocean. My mother is gonna spend all my millions on box wine lunches and some amateur proctologist-cum-hairdresser named Maurizio. I did all those crunches for nothing.
PARIS & PEREZ both snicker.
KATHY GRIFFIN
What's so fucking funny?
PARIS
You thought you were on the A list.
PEREZ
Yeah.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Watch it, bitch. Stop complaining. After that party the other night, you should be fine. I mean, doesn't semen have nutritional value?
PARIS
My nutritionist said it's empty calories.
KATHY GRIFFIN
And you, Perez...you should be good til Christmas with that reserve of chalupas you stored up.
PEREZ
I'm Cuban, you stupid bitch. Not Mexican.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Okay, you had to tread water in an ocean to get here. The chihuhua did it in a river. Big friggin' deal, Fidel.
PEREZ
If we survive, I am going to kill you on my blog.
PARIS (delirious)
That's hot....that's so hot....that's hot....
KATHY GRIFFIN
Hit her in the head or something. She's doing it again.
PARIS
Look, the dolphins are swimming around us again. Are we at SEA WORLD?
PEREZ
That's not Flipper, Paris. We told you a million times. Those are sharks.
PARIS
I ate my lipstick.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Me too.
PEREZ
Me too.
FIFTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS
My god, these chicken wings are delicious! I don't usually eat meat.
PEREZ (gnawing)
I know, right?
KATHY GRIFFIN (licking fingers)
Oh my god, I never liked Mexican food before.
PARIS
Why are Buffalo wings Mexican? Don't they come from like buffalos?
PEREZ (glowers at Kathy)
Kathy's an idiot. Dig in.
PARIS
Hey where's Tinkerbell? He's gonna love this.
PARIS & PEREZ look at each other and laugh.
: PEREZ
Tinkerbell was...umm...rescued.....while you were asleep just now.
PARIS
Rescued? How?
PEREZ
This little submarine came up and it was...ummm...Kathy, explain....
KATHY GRIFFIN
It was a sub from the Phillipine Army. You know they're little people, right? You know Rob Schneider.
PARIS
Yeah. He's tiny.
KATHY GRIFFIN.
Right. Right. So they only had room for Tinkerbell. And he said he felt terrible leaving without saying goodbye but he didn't want to wake you. He kissed you on the cheek. If you look, you can still feel a little doggie saliva kiss goodbye right there...
PARIS
Where?
KATHY GRIFFIN surreptititiously wets her finger and puts spit on Paris's right cheek.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Right there. Feel it. It's all gooey and....Mexican...
PARIS (brightly)
Oh my god! He did! Oh Tinkerbell. I miss you already. These are so fucking good. How did you cook them?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I had a lighter and Perez made a rotisserie thingamajig from a cell phone antenna. I had to go Gordon Ramsay on his ass a bit, but all fat boys are born chefs so it worked out. (Imitating Gordon Ramsay) "You call this a fuckin' risotto?"
PARIS
You guys are like smart and stuff. So will the Phillipine people come and rescue us. Or will they tell somebody to?
PEREZ (annoyed)
That's the plan, bitch.
PARIS
Do you have ranch or blue cheese dressing?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up, Paris.
PARIS
Tinkerbell forgot his miniature Vuitton fanny-pack. I hope the paparazzi don't catch him without it.
PEREZ
God will find a way. Even without Vuitton.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Wash your fat mouth out with soap, Perez Hilton.
PARIS
Fucking really.
SIXTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS (delirious)
I am in West Hollywood. Yes. I'm shopping right now. I am picking out a new Petro Zillia jacket. God, it's lovely. That's the color of my vagina when it's not acting up.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up. You're dying, you fucking 21 kt Petri dish! Congratulations! You now weight 67 pounds.
PEREZ
Oh..."slap! slap! slap! right across your melon!"
KATHY GRIFFIN (laughs, joins in)
"....your suspect ho's, your reject ho's..."
PARIS
Oh, Missy? "every year I come up with something sicker...turned your man to an ass licker"
PEREZ
Hahahahahahaha! We're going to die to Missy Elliott. We're going to die off screen. My god! There is no god! NO TABLOIDIA!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!
PARIS
Shut up. There's still Vuitton.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Yes, Perez. There's still Vuitton. Die with dignity...where's your fag pride?
PEREZ
Okay. I'm sorry, Bless us ghost of Louis Vuitton. Holy Spirit.
PARIS
That's better, girlfriend. Oh my god. Nicole...Nicole will live on...it's so unfair. If I had one call left I would call Tony Soprano to kill Nicole.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Paris, Tony Soprano wasn't real. He was a character on a program.
PARIS
So was I, Kathy Griffin! And I'm real. Duh. God, you can be so stupid sometimes. Sorry. I need to sleep.
PEREZ
Go to sleep, Paris. You look delicious...I mean....exhausted....
PARIS (drifting)
I am so....sleepy.....seepy.....
KATHY GRIFFIN
I don't want the shank, Perez. And don't even think about the loins. I've got dibs on them. They've been well tenderized. All that pounding.
PEREZ
You got it, bitch. I ate her ass enough in life. Might as well in death.
PARIS (delirous, waking)
...."smack! smack! smack! right across your melon"...hahahaha......Missy Elliott....
KATHY GRIFFIN
Fucking Missy Elliott. Go to sleep, Paris. Tinkerbell is waiting in a dream for you.
PARIS
Oh, Tinkerbell! Is the Phillipine army treating you right, bitch?
PEREZ
She lost a lot of weight. Missy Elliott.
PARIS
Yeah. She used to wear garbage bags in her videos. She was so fat! Or is it phat? I was in third grade!
PARIS dies.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Griffin, Perez...party of two...table this way.
PEREZ HILTON
Tools?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I have a metal nail file?
PEREZ
Why not?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I wish I had brought some Shake N Bake. SKANK HELPER. Something.
PEREZ
I don't think there will be any marbling.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Why couldn't you be fucking Martha Stewart. This would be like Thanksgiving in three hours.
PEREZ
Marth Stewart would have turned you into dim sum on the second day. Are you going to do giblet duty again?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Just smack my ass, and call me Mom, bitch. Let's do this. You know if we get out of this, we'll always have Paris.
PEREZ (laughing crazily)
Hahahahaha. You sick fucking bitch.
(in progress, check back)
Unfortunately, the U.S. Coast Guard was not notified, and nobody is searching for the missing trio but the paparazzi, and they are only looking on land for these celebrities vital to the survival of our culture.
We join the celebrities on their fourth day lost at sea.
FOURTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS
What ocean is this anyway? The Atlantis or the Specific? Do you think there's any chance we might land on Fantasy Island? Or Gilligan's Island?
PEREZ
You asked that two days ago. About ten times. Hey, look...your chihuhua is having a seizure or whatever again. I think he drank more sea water last night. I told you not to let him do that.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up both of you! It's been over 72 hours since I botoxed. I think my eyelid just passed my nose on its way to my mouth.
PARIS
Oh Kathy, you're melting in the sun! Your face looks like white chocolate. Can I lick it?
PEREZ
Paris! You weren't drinking from the ocean too, were you?
PARIS
Just a little. It had this white stuff on top. It looked like cappuccino.
KATHY GRIFFIN
My god! I'm really going to die out here, aren't I? I finally made it to the A list and I'm gonna go right to the real D list. The one where everyone pretends to like you for ten seconds and then forgets you forever! Out here in the middle of the ocean. My mother is gonna spend all my millions on box wine lunches and some amateur proctologist-cum-hairdresser named Maurizio. I did all those crunches for nothing.
PARIS & PEREZ both snicker.
KATHY GRIFFIN
What's so fucking funny?
PARIS
You thought you were on the A list.
PEREZ
Yeah.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Watch it, bitch. Stop complaining. After that party the other night, you should be fine. I mean, doesn't semen have nutritional value?
PARIS
My nutritionist said it's empty calories.
KATHY GRIFFIN
And you, Perez...you should be good til Christmas with that reserve of chalupas you stored up.
PEREZ
I'm Cuban, you stupid bitch. Not Mexican.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Okay, you had to tread water in an ocean to get here. The chihuhua did it in a river. Big friggin' deal, Fidel.
PEREZ
If we survive, I am going to kill you on my blog.
PARIS (delirious)
That's hot....that's so hot....that's hot....
KATHY GRIFFIN
Hit her in the head or something. She's doing it again.
PARIS
Look, the dolphins are swimming around us again. Are we at SEA WORLD?
PEREZ
That's not Flipper, Paris. We told you a million times. Those are sharks.
PARIS
I ate my lipstick.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Me too.
PEREZ
Me too.
FIFTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS
My god, these chicken wings are delicious! I don't usually eat meat.
PEREZ (gnawing)
I know, right?
KATHY GRIFFIN (licking fingers)
Oh my god, I never liked Mexican food before.
PARIS
Why are Buffalo wings Mexican? Don't they come from like buffalos?
PEREZ (glowers at Kathy)
Kathy's an idiot. Dig in.
PARIS
Hey where's Tinkerbell? He's gonna love this.
PARIS & PEREZ look at each other and laugh.
: PEREZ
Tinkerbell was...umm...rescued.....while you were asleep just now.
PARIS
Rescued? How?
PEREZ
This little submarine came up and it was...ummm...Kathy, explain....
KATHY GRIFFIN
It was a sub from the Phillipine Army. You know they're little people, right? You know Rob Schneider.
PARIS
Yeah. He's tiny.
KATHY GRIFFIN.
Right. Right. So they only had room for Tinkerbell. And he said he felt terrible leaving without saying goodbye but he didn't want to wake you. He kissed you on the cheek. If you look, you can still feel a little doggie saliva kiss goodbye right there...
PARIS
Where?
KATHY GRIFFIN surreptititiously wets her finger and puts spit on Paris's right cheek.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Right there. Feel it. It's all gooey and....Mexican...
PARIS (brightly)
Oh my god! He did! Oh Tinkerbell. I miss you already. These are so fucking good. How did you cook them?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I had a lighter and Perez made a rotisserie thingamajig from a cell phone antenna. I had to go Gordon Ramsay on his ass a bit, but all fat boys are born chefs so it worked out. (Imitating Gordon Ramsay) "You call this a fuckin' risotto?"
PARIS
You guys are like smart and stuff. So will the Phillipine people come and rescue us. Or will they tell somebody to?
PEREZ (annoyed)
That's the plan, bitch.
PARIS
Do you have ranch or blue cheese dressing?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up, Paris.
PARIS
Tinkerbell forgot his miniature Vuitton fanny-pack. I hope the paparazzi don't catch him without it.
PEREZ
God will find a way. Even without Vuitton.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Wash your fat mouth out with soap, Perez Hilton.
PARIS
Fucking really.
SIXTH DAY LOST AT SEA
PARIS (delirious)
I am in West Hollywood. Yes. I'm shopping right now. I am picking out a new Petro Zillia jacket. God, it's lovely. That's the color of my vagina when it's not acting up.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Shut the fuck up. You're dying, you fucking 21 kt Petri dish! Congratulations! You now weight 67 pounds.
PEREZ
Oh..."slap! slap! slap! right across your melon!"
KATHY GRIFFIN (laughs, joins in)
"....your suspect ho's, your reject ho's..."
PARIS
Oh, Missy? "every year I come up with something sicker...turned your man to an ass licker"
PEREZ
Hahahahahahaha! We're going to die to Missy Elliott. We're going to die off screen. My god! There is no god! NO TABLOIDIA!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!
PARIS
Shut up. There's still Vuitton.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Yes, Perez. There's still Vuitton. Die with dignity...where's your fag pride?
PEREZ
Okay. I'm sorry, Bless us ghost of Louis Vuitton. Holy Spirit.
PARIS
That's better, girlfriend. Oh my god. Nicole...Nicole will live on...it's so unfair. If I had one call left I would call Tony Soprano to kill Nicole.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Paris, Tony Soprano wasn't real. He was a character on a program.
PARIS
So was I, Kathy Griffin! And I'm real. Duh. God, you can be so stupid sometimes. Sorry. I need to sleep.
PEREZ
Go to sleep, Paris. You look delicious...I mean....exhausted....
PARIS (drifting)
I am so....sleepy.....seepy.....
KATHY GRIFFIN
I don't want the shank, Perez. And don't even think about the loins. I've got dibs on them. They've been well tenderized. All that pounding.
PEREZ
You got it, bitch. I ate her ass enough in life. Might as well in death.
PARIS (delirous, waking)
...."smack! smack! smack! right across your melon"...hahahaha......Missy Elliott....
KATHY GRIFFIN
Fucking Missy Elliott. Go to sleep, Paris. Tinkerbell is waiting in a dream for you.
PARIS
Oh, Tinkerbell! Is the Phillipine army treating you right, bitch?
PEREZ
She lost a lot of weight. Missy Elliott.
PARIS
Yeah. She used to wear garbage bags in her videos. She was so fat! Or is it phat? I was in third grade!
PARIS dies.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Griffin, Perez...party of two...table this way.
PEREZ HILTON
Tools?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I have a metal nail file?
PEREZ
Why not?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I wish I had brought some Shake N Bake. SKANK HELPER. Something.
PEREZ
I don't think there will be any marbling.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Why couldn't you be fucking Martha Stewart. This would be like Thanksgiving in three hours.
PEREZ
Marth Stewart would have turned you into dim sum on the second day. Are you going to do giblet duty again?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Just smack my ass, and call me Mom, bitch. Let's do this. You know if we get out of this, we'll always have Paris.
PEREZ (laughing crazily)
Hahahahaha. You sick fucking bitch.
(in progress, check back)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A Short Overview of the 21st Century
I consulted my crystal ball (okay, it's actually a lawn ornament from the Garden Department at Sears) and this is what it showed me of our future.
I'm thinking about returning the crystal lawn ball, and either trying another one for a better forecast, or simply exchanging it for store credit and buying one of those nifty rubber fish on a plaque that sings Creedence Clearwater Revival. You know, "Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river..."
2011: America's cats and dogs begin undergoing angioplasty and triple bypass operations, as the deleterious effect of tidbits handed down at table begins to take its cardiovascular toll. It becomes quite common in the Western hemisphere to hear someone say "My cat's cardiologist says..."
2013: The wooly mammoth is brought back from extinction thanks to genetic material harvested from a particularly well-preserved specimen discovered in Siberian ice. Soon, herds of mammoth are roaming the American west and other national parks and free range portions of the United States. These turn out to be particularly aggressive animals and scientists are shocked to learn the species operates under a "gang mentality." Younger, impressionable mammoths are goaded on into acts of vandalism by older, more hardened mammoths. Insurance agencies put "mammoth" exception clauses in all of their auto policies and the "Re-extinction Movement" begins gaining momentum by 2021. Also, targeted by the "Re-Extinction Movement" are the restored Dodo ("It reeks!"), the Giant Auk ("We don't like the way it looks at us!") and a species of elk with antlers fifteen feet high ("We're tired of righting them when they fall over. Nature often has a point with extinction!").
2024: Lindsay Lohan completes her transformation into Sister Lucinda and takes up permanent residence in Calcutta ministering to the sick and dying. The tabloids begin reporting on her stigmata, miracles and Visions so that she never leaves the front page of The Star during her lifetime, even though the last movie she made was a lesbian porno in 2021.
2032: Nail boutiques begin performing sex change operations on an outpatient basis. The quickness and efficiency of this operation are touted as "Box Lunch Specials" for the M2F operations, and the F2M operations are advertised with signs that read "Meat and Two Veg Lunch Special!"
2048: Demi Moore and Ashton Kuchur get their one billionth Twitter follower who tunes in to watch their mutually assisted suicide. Ashton pulls a fast one on Demi and substitutes a Skittle for his cyanide pill. As Demi fades away, he tells her that she's been "Punked!" and the septuagenarian Kuchur brings out a twenty-three year old Laotian girl he then begins banging on camera. Demi throws paper clips at him in a spaspmodic manner as this is the only thing she can manage in her death throes. "Awesome tweet!" is typed seven million times in three seconds, a new world record.
2051: The world's literary standards continue to decline as The Best of LOL Cats takes the place formerly occupied by The Collected Works of James Joyce on the influential Twenty Books that Changed the World list.
2063: The American National Anthem is changed to "Tha Streetz iz a Mutha." The rapper Kurupt's image is rehabilitated and he is known as "The Godfather of Our Country."
2072: Disney's "Sunken Atlantis of Iceland" becomes the number one worldwide tourist attraction created by global warming.
2088: Human life expectancy is upgraded to 211 years thanks to gene therapy and recombinant-DNA technology. Genes are "borrowed" from the Great White Shark and a long-lived species of tortoise. The legal drinking age is raised to 74. The age of consent is revised to 56.
2099: Prince plays a "Tonight I'm Gonna Party Like It's 2099" concert in Detroit to show support for a part of the country hit hard by the latest recession. He looks good for 140. His weight is still far below that figure. Many people resent the bailout of the hovercar industry, but President Eminem sticks to the Republican party line.
I'm thinking about returning the crystal lawn ball, and either trying another one for a better forecast, or simply exchanging it for store credit and buying one of those nifty rubber fish on a plaque that sings Creedence Clearwater Revival. You know, "Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river..."
2011: America's cats and dogs begin undergoing angioplasty and triple bypass operations, as the deleterious effect of tidbits handed down at table begins to take its cardiovascular toll. It becomes quite common in the Western hemisphere to hear someone say "My cat's cardiologist says..."
2013: The wooly mammoth is brought back from extinction thanks to genetic material harvested from a particularly well-preserved specimen discovered in Siberian ice. Soon, herds of mammoth are roaming the American west and other national parks and free range portions of the United States. These turn out to be particularly aggressive animals and scientists are shocked to learn the species operates under a "gang mentality." Younger, impressionable mammoths are goaded on into acts of vandalism by older, more hardened mammoths. Insurance agencies put "mammoth" exception clauses in all of their auto policies and the "Re-extinction Movement" begins gaining momentum by 2021. Also, targeted by the "Re-Extinction Movement" are the restored Dodo ("It reeks!"), the Giant Auk ("We don't like the way it looks at us!") and a species of elk with antlers fifteen feet high ("We're tired of righting them when they fall over. Nature often has a point with extinction!").
2024: Lindsay Lohan completes her transformation into Sister Lucinda and takes up permanent residence in Calcutta ministering to the sick and dying. The tabloids begin reporting on her stigmata, miracles and Visions so that she never leaves the front page of The Star during her lifetime, even though the last movie she made was a lesbian porno in 2021.
2032: Nail boutiques begin performing sex change operations on an outpatient basis. The quickness and efficiency of this operation are touted as "Box Lunch Specials" for the M2F operations, and the F2M operations are advertised with signs that read "Meat and Two Veg Lunch Special!"
2048: Demi Moore and Ashton Kuchur get their one billionth Twitter follower who tunes in to watch their mutually assisted suicide. Ashton pulls a fast one on Demi and substitutes a Skittle for his cyanide pill. As Demi fades away, he tells her that she's been "Punked!" and the septuagenarian Kuchur brings out a twenty-three year old Laotian girl he then begins banging on camera. Demi throws paper clips at him in a spaspmodic manner as this is the only thing she can manage in her death throes. "Awesome tweet!" is typed seven million times in three seconds, a new world record.
2051: The world's literary standards continue to decline as The Best of LOL Cats takes the place formerly occupied by The Collected Works of James Joyce on the influential Twenty Books that Changed the World list.
2063: The American National Anthem is changed to "Tha Streetz iz a Mutha." The rapper Kurupt's image is rehabilitated and he is known as "The Godfather of Our Country."
2072: Disney's "Sunken Atlantis of Iceland" becomes the number one worldwide tourist attraction created by global warming.
2088: Human life expectancy is upgraded to 211 years thanks to gene therapy and recombinant-DNA technology. Genes are "borrowed" from the Great White Shark and a long-lived species of tortoise. The legal drinking age is raised to 74. The age of consent is revised to 56.
2099: Prince plays a "Tonight I'm Gonna Party Like It's 2099" concert in Detroit to show support for a part of the country hit hard by the latest recession. He looks good for 140. His weight is still far below that figure. Many people resent the bailout of the hovercar industry, but President Eminem sticks to the Republican party line.
I Liked This Funny Pantoum by Geoff Ward
and wanted to share it with you.
I found this on Jacket.
I was reading a perceptive review the author had written of Barbara Guest's book, If So, Tell Me, which was published by England's Reality Street press in 1999.
I particularly liked the review, because the author--who has published several books of literary criticism--traced composing strands of Barbara Guest's poetics back several centuries and discussed Continental antecedents that I thought were apt. I'm tempted to pick up one of his critical books now. Because I really enjoyed his take on the New York School of poets.
I think there are strong correspondences between Hart Crane's poetry and Guest's.
Both poets are rightly perceived to be individualists who did not conform to the expectations of the literary constellations around them. Both poets were critically misread for most of their careers. Both poets used catachresis extensively.
But back to that review essay.
Ward rightly recognizes the (first generation) New York School's existence as a conceptualist gesture rather than a reality. And he talks about how easy it is to historically configure that "school" in diverse and even contradictory readings. He says (convincingly)that one could even see the New York School as a significant chapter in gay American poetics/poetry.
The first point is more germane, I think. The gerrymandering that goes along with identity poetics is useful for anthology making or movement making, but not so useful when reckoning the single poem on the page. Because straight poets will often write very gay poems, and vice versa. If we speak loosely and go by intuition, Barbara Guest was a very gay poet. Even if she was a straight woman. I would say the same thing about Mina Loy.
I know one can't logically argue points like that, which involve a great deal of subjectivity and subjective interpretation of what an abstraction like "gayness" is. It all comes down to what elements one chooses to see as part of a group identity. And this will of course vary from individual to individual, from subculture to subculture, from decade to decade, etc.
Such categorizations are usually more about territoriality and turf.
And territoriality and turf are always a little bit embarrassing, I think.
That's why I find movement poetics sort of repugnant. It seems one of those things we should have let go with the end of the twentieth century.
But identity politics are relevant sometimes. I mean, there is the political and the polemical. Injustice makes a necessity of such categorizations sometimes.
Anyway, here's the very funny pantoum by Geoff Ward.
Pantoum
The sculptor is known for his moon-shapes and use of the organic
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
Harsh words are exchanged and he chases us, brandishing driftwood
We decide we hate modernism and that life is good in Cheam
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
Where I noticed my eyes had changed colour in the cold
We decide we hate modernism and that life is good in Cheam
Despite the steep increase in barely solved murders
Where I noticed my eyes had changed colour in the cold
The princess was looking for a pea to lend significance
Despite the steep increase in barely solved murders
I found her a warm space and floated immediately
The princess was looking for a pea to lend significance
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan
I found her a warm space and floated immediately
Consult the cards, watch carefully, thin paper for Mao's thoughts
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan
New caves are going up, ready for the managers
Consult the cards, watch carefully, thin paper for Mao's thoughts
Where stands the deserted transmitter: put on goggles
New caves are going up, ready for the managers
He had got to grips with history and thrown it in a corner
Where stands the deserted transmitter: put on goggles
Poring over sheets that bear the legend Desperate Drenchings
He had got to grips with history and thrown it in a corner
When he came across his father, for many years north-facing
Poring over sheets that bear the legend Desperate Drenchings
And laughing at the government
When he came across his father, for many years north-facing
So as to catch the sunlight, rolling on the sea
And laughing at the government
Of beauty, of loss and of love's mystery
So as to catch the sunlight, rolling on the sea
When I held her I held vines and crumbling balustrades that sighed
Of beauty, of loss and of love's mystery
In the same dream, the same car in the driveway
When I held her I held vines and crumbling balustrades that sighed
The sculptor is known for his moon-shapes and use of the organic
In the same dream, the same car in the driveway
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
I found this on Jacket.
I was reading a perceptive review the author had written of Barbara Guest's book, If So, Tell Me, which was published by England's Reality Street press in 1999.
I particularly liked the review, because the author--who has published several books of literary criticism--traced composing strands of Barbara Guest's poetics back several centuries and discussed Continental antecedents that I thought were apt. I'm tempted to pick up one of his critical books now. Because I really enjoyed his take on the New York School of poets.
I think there are strong correspondences between Hart Crane's poetry and Guest's.
Both poets are rightly perceived to be individualists who did not conform to the expectations of the literary constellations around them. Both poets were critically misread for most of their careers. Both poets used catachresis extensively.
But back to that review essay.
Ward rightly recognizes the (first generation) New York School's existence as a conceptualist gesture rather than a reality. And he talks about how easy it is to historically configure that "school" in diverse and even contradictory readings. He says (convincingly)that one could even see the New York School as a significant chapter in gay American poetics/poetry.
The first point is more germane, I think. The gerrymandering that goes along with identity poetics is useful for anthology making or movement making, but not so useful when reckoning the single poem on the page. Because straight poets will often write very gay poems, and vice versa. If we speak loosely and go by intuition, Barbara Guest was a very gay poet. Even if she was a straight woman. I would say the same thing about Mina Loy.
I know one can't logically argue points like that, which involve a great deal of subjectivity and subjective interpretation of what an abstraction like "gayness" is. It all comes down to what elements one chooses to see as part of a group identity. And this will of course vary from individual to individual, from subculture to subculture, from decade to decade, etc.
Such categorizations are usually more about territoriality and turf.
And territoriality and turf are always a little bit embarrassing, I think.
That's why I find movement poetics sort of repugnant. It seems one of those things we should have let go with the end of the twentieth century.
But identity politics are relevant sometimes. I mean, there is the political and the polemical. Injustice makes a necessity of such categorizations sometimes.
Anyway, here's the very funny pantoum by Geoff Ward.
Pantoum
The sculptor is known for his moon-shapes and use of the organic
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
Harsh words are exchanged and he chases us, brandishing driftwood
We decide we hate modernism and that life is good in Cheam
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
Where I noticed my eyes had changed colour in the cold
We decide we hate modernism and that life is good in Cheam
Despite the steep increase in barely solved murders
Where I noticed my eyes had changed colour in the cold
The princess was looking for a pea to lend significance
Despite the steep increase in barely solved murders
I found her a warm space and floated immediately
The princess was looking for a pea to lend significance
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan
I found her a warm space and floated immediately
Consult the cards, watch carefully, thin paper for Mao's thoughts
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan
New caves are going up, ready for the managers
Consult the cards, watch carefully, thin paper for Mao's thoughts
Where stands the deserted transmitter: put on goggles
New caves are going up, ready for the managers
He had got to grips with history and thrown it in a corner
Where stands the deserted transmitter: put on goggles
Poring over sheets that bear the legend Desperate Drenchings
He had got to grips with history and thrown it in a corner
When he came across his father, for many years north-facing
Poring over sheets that bear the legend Desperate Drenchings
And laughing at the government
When he came across his father, for many years north-facing
So as to catch the sunlight, rolling on the sea
And laughing at the government
Of beauty, of loss and of love's mystery
So as to catch the sunlight, rolling on the sea
When I held her I held vines and crumbling balustrades that sighed
Of beauty, of loss and of love's mystery
In the same dream, the same car in the driveway
When I held her I held vines and crumbling balustrades that sighed
The sculptor is known for his moon-shapes and use of the organic
In the same dream, the same car in the driveway
He invites us for the weekend to his white house on the Lizard
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Your Local Ho is Feeling the Pinch Too
AOL's homepage, like most ISP homepages, has as much "legitimate news" now as the National Enquirer or the Weekly World News of yore (didn't that go under?)
But I liked this story.
I wish I would have captured the graphic of a very depressed looking ho they had.
Poor ho.
The normal patrons just don't have that indiscretionary income anymore!
And you think our American "happy hour" is a good value! Read on!
"FREE SHUTTLE BUSES FOR SENIORS!?" lol. And my idle grandparents would go spend the day in the casinos in Atlantic City and think they were having a blast. They were missing out!
Economic Crisis Hits German Sex IndustryBy ERIK KIRSCHBAUM, Reuters
posted: 1 HOUR 44 MINUTES (April 22) -
It did not take long for the world financial crisis to affect the world's oldest profession in Germany.
In one of the few countries where prostitution is legal, and unusually transparent, the industry has responded with an economic stimulus package of its own: modern marketing tools, rebates and gimmicks to boost falling demand.
It's no secret that nearly every profession around the globe is feeling the effects of the economic crisis -- even prostitution. In Germany, where the world's oldest profession is legal, prostitutes have created their own version of a stimulus package. Brothels, like the GeizHaus in Hamburg, above, are offering, among other things, discounts to help lure back customers.
Some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees. Free shuttle buses, discounts for seniors and taxi drivers, as well as "day passes" are among marketing strategies designed to keep business going.
"Times are tough for us too," said Karin Ahrens, who manages the "Yes, Sir" brothel in Hanover. She told Reuters revenue had dropped by 30 percent at her establishment while turnover had fallen by as much as 50 percent at other clubs.
"We're definitely feeling the crisis. Clients are being tight with their money. They're afraid. You can't charge for the extras any more and there is pressure to cut prices. Everyone wants a deal. Special promotions are essential these days."
Germany has about 400,000 professional prostitutes. Official figures do not distinguish between the sexes and the number of male prostitutes is not known, but they account for a small fraction of the total and are treated the same under the law.
In 2002, new legislation allowed prostitutes to advertise and to enter into formal labor contracts. It opened the way for them to obtain health insurance, previously refused if they listed their true profession.
Annual revenues are about 14 billion euros ($18 billion), according to an estimate by the Verdi services union. Taxes on prostitution are an important source of income for some cities.
Prostitution is also legal and regulated in the Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, Hungary, Greece, Turkey and in some parts of Australia, and the U.S. state of Nevada.
In other countries, such as Luxembourg, Latvia, Denmark, Belgium and Finland, it is legal but brothels and pimping are not.
'Creative Solutions'
Berlin's "Pussy Club" has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing "flat rate" -- a 70-euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
"You've got to come up with creative solutions these days," said club manager Stefan, who requested his surname not be published. "We're feeling the economic crisis, too, even though business has fortunately been more or less okay for us so far.
"Our offer might sound like it's too good to be true, but it's real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want."
Stefan, who runs other establishments in Heidelberg and Wuppertal besides the Berlin club, said the flat rate had helped keep the 30 women working in each location fully employed.
Other novel ideas used by brothels and prostitutes include loyalty cards, group sex parties and rebates for golf players. Hamburg's "GeizHaus" is especially proud of its discount 38.50 euro price. The city has Germany's most famous red-light district, the Reeperbahn, in the notorious St. Pauli district.
Anke Christiansen, manager of the "GeizHaus," said the effects of the economic crisis were clear. "The regular customers who used to come by two or three times a week are only coming by once or twice a week now."
A "GeizHaus" client, who gave his name as Pascal, said: "Naturally we're all feeling the effects of the crisis." He added that he could no longer afford his usual two or three visits a week.
Guenter Krull, manager of the "FKK Villa" in Hanover, concurred. "The girls are complaining, too, because business is bad and I worry that it's all going to get even worse.
Contingency Plans
Ecki Krumeich, manager of upmarket Artemis Club in Berlin, said he resisted pressure to cut prices, although senior citizens and taxi drivers get a 50-percent discount on the 80-euro admission fee on Sundays and Mondays.
"Naturally, we're keeping an eye on the overall economic situation and making contingency plans," said Krumeich, who said his "wellness club" is one of the largest in Europe with about 70 prostitutes.
"Our philosophy is: we provide an important service and even in a recession there are some things people won't do without. Other downmarket places might cut prices but we decided we won't do that. In fact, we raised prices by 10 euros in January."
Stephanie Klee, a prostitute in Berlin and former leader of the German association of sex workers, said even if a few luxury brothels were weathering the storm because of their wealthy regular clientele, many were struggling.
"Just about everyone's turning to advertising in one form or another," she said. "If the consumer electronics shop and the optician come out with rebates and special promotions, why shouldn't we try the same thing?"
While she and her colleagues might have had five or six clients per day a year ago that had fallen to one or even none.
Klee worries, however, that the crisis has led to "price dumping" in some cities -- fees have fallen as low as 30 euros in some parts of Berlin and elsewhere, she said.
"You'll find a lot of customers trying to negotiate prices down now," said Klee. "A 30-year-old came up to me and said 'I lost my job so will you give me a discount?'."
She and others said they were alarmed that amateur prostitutes -- mostly women with low-paid careers -- were increasingly turning to prostitution to make ends meet.
"More and more women are moonlighting on the weekends," said Ahrens. "They're not able to get by with their main job and are in pretty dire straights. For some it works out okay but it's tough for some others and they often don't stay very long.
But I liked this story.
I wish I would have captured the graphic of a very depressed looking ho they had.
Poor ho.
The normal patrons just don't have that indiscretionary income anymore!
And you think our American "happy hour" is a good value! Read on!
"FREE SHUTTLE BUSES FOR SENIORS!?" lol. And my idle grandparents would go spend the day in the casinos in Atlantic City and think they were having a blast. They were missing out!
Economic Crisis Hits German Sex IndustryBy ERIK KIRSCHBAUM, Reuters
posted: 1 HOUR 44 MINUTES (April 22) -
It did not take long for the world financial crisis to affect the world's oldest profession in Germany.
In one of the few countries where prostitution is legal, and unusually transparent, the industry has responded with an economic stimulus package of its own: modern marketing tools, rebates and gimmicks to boost falling demand.
It's no secret that nearly every profession around the globe is feeling the effects of the economic crisis -- even prostitution. In Germany, where the world's oldest profession is legal, prostitutes have created their own version of a stimulus package. Brothels, like the GeizHaus in Hamburg, above, are offering, among other things, discounts to help lure back customers.
Some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees. Free shuttle buses, discounts for seniors and taxi drivers, as well as "day passes" are among marketing strategies designed to keep business going.
"Times are tough for us too," said Karin Ahrens, who manages the "Yes, Sir" brothel in Hanover. She told Reuters revenue had dropped by 30 percent at her establishment while turnover had fallen by as much as 50 percent at other clubs.
"We're definitely feeling the crisis. Clients are being tight with their money. They're afraid. You can't charge for the extras any more and there is pressure to cut prices. Everyone wants a deal. Special promotions are essential these days."
Germany has about 400,000 professional prostitutes. Official figures do not distinguish between the sexes and the number of male prostitutes is not known, but they account for a small fraction of the total and are treated the same under the law.
In 2002, new legislation allowed prostitutes to advertise and to enter into formal labor contracts. It opened the way for them to obtain health insurance, previously refused if they listed their true profession.
Annual revenues are about 14 billion euros ($18 billion), according to an estimate by the Verdi services union. Taxes on prostitution are an important source of income for some cities.
Prostitution is also legal and regulated in the Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, Hungary, Greece, Turkey and in some parts of Australia, and the U.S. state of Nevada.
In other countries, such as Luxembourg, Latvia, Denmark, Belgium and Finland, it is legal but brothels and pimping are not.
'Creative Solutions'
Berlin's "Pussy Club" has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing "flat rate" -- a 70-euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
"You've got to come up with creative solutions these days," said club manager Stefan, who requested his surname not be published. "We're feeling the economic crisis, too, even though business has fortunately been more or less okay for us so far.
"Our offer might sound like it's too good to be true, but it's real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want."
Stefan, who runs other establishments in Heidelberg and Wuppertal besides the Berlin club, said the flat rate had helped keep the 30 women working in each location fully employed.
Other novel ideas used by brothels and prostitutes include loyalty cards, group sex parties and rebates for golf players. Hamburg's "GeizHaus" is especially proud of its discount 38.50 euro price. The city has Germany's most famous red-light district, the Reeperbahn, in the notorious St. Pauli district.
Anke Christiansen, manager of the "GeizHaus," said the effects of the economic crisis were clear. "The regular customers who used to come by two or three times a week are only coming by once or twice a week now."
A "GeizHaus" client, who gave his name as Pascal, said: "Naturally we're all feeling the effects of the crisis." He added that he could no longer afford his usual two or three visits a week.
Guenter Krull, manager of the "FKK Villa" in Hanover, concurred. "The girls are complaining, too, because business is bad and I worry that it's all going to get even worse.
Contingency Plans
Ecki Krumeich, manager of upmarket Artemis Club in Berlin, said he resisted pressure to cut prices, although senior citizens and taxi drivers get a 50-percent discount on the 80-euro admission fee on Sundays and Mondays.
"Naturally, we're keeping an eye on the overall economic situation and making contingency plans," said Krumeich, who said his "wellness club" is one of the largest in Europe with about 70 prostitutes.
"Our philosophy is: we provide an important service and even in a recession there are some things people won't do without. Other downmarket places might cut prices but we decided we won't do that. In fact, we raised prices by 10 euros in January."
Stephanie Klee, a prostitute in Berlin and former leader of the German association of sex workers, said even if a few luxury brothels were weathering the storm because of their wealthy regular clientele, many were struggling.
"Just about everyone's turning to advertising in one form or another," she said. "If the consumer electronics shop and the optician come out with rebates and special promotions, why shouldn't we try the same thing?"
While she and her colleagues might have had five or six clients per day a year ago that had fallen to one or even none.
Klee worries, however, that the crisis has led to "price dumping" in some cities -- fees have fallen as low as 30 euros in some parts of Berlin and elsewhere, she said.
"You'll find a lot of customers trying to negotiate prices down now," said Klee. "A 30-year-old came up to me and said 'I lost my job so will you give me a discount?'."
She and others said they were alarmed that amateur prostitutes -- mostly women with low-paid careers -- were increasingly turning to prostitution to make ends meet.
"More and more women are moonlighting on the weekends," said Ahrens. "They're not able to get by with their main job and are in pretty dire straights. For some it works out okay but it's tough for some others and they often don't stay very long.
The Composer Biggi Hilmarsson Thanked Me! And I'm Getting an AMPOP Album Sent to My Door! Awesome!
Some days start beautifully.
The first email I read had AMPOP as a subject heading.
It was from composer Biggi Hilmarsson's management, and they asked for my address if I "would like an AMPOP album sent to me."
Duh lol!
AMPOP is the coolest Icelandic band you've probably never heard.
Search my blog or YouTube them. Or search my blog for Biggi Hilmarsson's name.
They write supernaturally great music. They make unforgettable videos too.
Icelandic music right now (especially alternative pop) is an incredibly fertile ground.
Many Icelandic bands right now are in the zone.
The feeling I get from the best Icelandic alternative music right now, like AMPOP, is the same feeling I got in the early eighties when England was undergoing a similar paradigm shift with New Wave and everything just exploded.
But the Icelandic bands don't have a newly-born MTV to bring their work to you.
You have to seek it out yourself.
But it's easy thanks to YouTube.
Thank God!
Biggi is scoring movies now, but he has even done some music for (European) IKEA commercials!
Again, see my blog!
AMPOP is a band he founded or cofounded.
Just YouTube AMPOP for more videos.
The earlier AMPOP sounds somewhat like Radiohead, but more recently they have definitely entered uncharted waters and completely personalized the band's sound.
So now they are recognizably themselves.
Which is a great place to arrive at.
Whether you are a band or a human being.
THANKS MUCH, AMPOP! I will blog about your great band further.
AND THANKS MUCH, BIGGI HILMARSSON!!
Eg er hamingjusamur i dag!
Takk fyrir!!
The first email I read had AMPOP as a subject heading.
It was from composer Biggi Hilmarsson's management, and they asked for my address if I "would like an AMPOP album sent to me."
Duh lol!
AMPOP is the coolest Icelandic band you've probably never heard.
Search my blog or YouTube them. Or search my blog for Biggi Hilmarsson's name.
They write supernaturally great music. They make unforgettable videos too.
Icelandic music right now (especially alternative pop) is an incredibly fertile ground.
Many Icelandic bands right now are in the zone.
The feeling I get from the best Icelandic alternative music right now, like AMPOP, is the same feeling I got in the early eighties when England was undergoing a similar paradigm shift with New Wave and everything just exploded.
But the Icelandic bands don't have a newly-born MTV to bring their work to you.
You have to seek it out yourself.
But it's easy thanks to YouTube.
Thank God!
Biggi is scoring movies now, but he has even done some music for (European) IKEA commercials!
Again, see my blog!
AMPOP is a band he founded or cofounded.
Just YouTube AMPOP for more videos.
The earlier AMPOP sounds somewhat like Radiohead, but more recently they have definitely entered uncharted waters and completely personalized the band's sound.
So now they are recognizably themselves.
Which is a great place to arrive at.
Whether you are a band or a human being.
THANKS MUCH, AMPOP! I will blog about your great band further.
AND THANKS MUCH, BIGGI HILMARSSON!!
Eg er hamingjusamur i dag!
Takk fyrir!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
