Christy Stewart Has Some Good, Dangerous Ideas

Writer Christy Leigh Stewart contacted me on Goodreads, and I found out by reading her that I was glad to make her acquaintance.

She maintains a blog called Good Mourning Sunshine which I will link to.

There seems to be a strong performance art component to Christy's writing art, and she likes to craft new proverbs, which is something I also dig.

Many of her lines seem to write directly on an exposed nerve.

But she can also be very funny, when she chooses to be.

Check her out!

You can also get a free book online by her (for a limited time--see below).



Christy Leigh Stewart's Blog: Good Mourning Sunshine

January 15, 2010

I Have Been A Pig Farmer
I woke up this morning with this thought in my mind:

For the sake of argument, say the spacetime theory is correct and that time is not linear but ever present and we just interpret it as such. Say, also, reincarnation is true... In my next life, couldn't I be someone from the past? Someone I’ve studied in school? Or, could I be someone I currently living? Someone I know, even? I could be my own mail man or my doctor or you. Could I give birth to myself? Maybe I've spent past and future lives as myself now, just repeating this life.


January 4, 2010

Free Book


I'm offering to give a free ebook copy of Familiar Scars to anyone who wants it. If I haven't yet offered it to you and you would like it, PM me your e-mail address and I'll send it off to you ASAP.

EDIT: You can now get it for free at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/872... for a limited time.


December 19, 2009

Christmas Cards

Instead of sending Christmas cards to people I know this year, I decided to send them to strangers.

I got 10 blank Christmas cards and Megan Hansen and I wrote the following things in them:

(1) The first rule of Hug Club is when someone says stop, or goes limp, even if he’s faking it, the hug is over.

Love,
The Human Race

(2) Everyone remembers when they lost their virginity. How come no one remembers when they found it?

Love,
The Human Race

(3) If God has a sense of humor have we gotten the joke yet?

Love,
The Human Race

(4) Soon we’ll be so desensitized that anger management will be replaced by apathy management.

Love,
The Human Race

(5) Do you ever feel like we are the universe’s date to a pig party?

Love,
The Human Race

(6) Man proposes. God disposes. Satan recycles.

Love,
The Human Race

(7) In the world of the blind, the squinting man is King, but he is still easily tripped.

Love,
The Human Race

(8) Even in our next lives we will be strangers.

Love,
The Human Race

(9) Now that we live in houses we decorate them with potted plants. Do you think that when we go to Heaven we will decorate it with jars of sorrow?

Love,
The Human Race

(10) Thanks. And don’t you forget it.

Love,
The Human Race

Here are some that we decided not to use:

-When women step out of their corsets, men step into them.

-I hallowed out my Bible to put another smaller Bible inside.

-If women ruled the world there would be no wars. But, we all would have been aborted.

-I’m going to punch words in your ear holes.

-What is the word for when you are sexually attracted to snow?...I bet it’s cute.

-If we leave behind us a small series of kindnesses everyone will still remember you for your speech impediment.

-I didn’t give you AIDS because I love you, but it was one of the results.

December 17, 2009

An Observation
I think men think about their penises as much as women think about molestation.

December 11, 2009

Maternal Instinct

I want to give birth to an orphan.

December 10, 2009

Today

Mom was being nostalgic about people she loves who have passed away.

I only get nostalgic about people who have died that I hated.

I'm not sure which of us is being the least healthy, but I'll have the most hauntings.

At least one of the two of us wont be lonely.

December 6, 2009

What I learned today:
Don't call random people from the Yellow Pages, everyone in the Yellow Pages is a dick.

November 21, 2009

I Really Should Wash My Hair

I cannot get myself to do any work today. All I'd have to do is some proof editing but my DVR is so full and the internet is...on...I don't make enough money off my shitty books to stop watching the finale of Project Runway.

I'm not on my period but I'm going through my mid-period hormonal shit hole thing right now. I have this insatiable craving for sweets (cookies specifically) and I think I'm in heat. I watched Oprah's Make Over My Man episode from earlier this week and my opinion of the men before and after, regardless of hygiene or red-neck-a-hood, was the same; hot. Seeing New Moon yesterday didn't help. Although I went against my will and got the exploitation of naked dudes from the commercials I don't think I looked at any of the male actors in the face, even the old and fat Indian dude who had a heart attack and died (spoiler alert?).

Also, eating 3 peppermint cookies are the equivalent of brushing my teeth today, right?


A Plea To Authors

I have some great ideas for books. I don’t mean this to be funny or witty, I literally think these are good ideas and would love to read them. My want to read them is far greater than my patience to actually write them myself, but if push comes to shove I may have to put them into an anthology and donate all proceeds to the charity of Me-Eating-At-A-Restaurant-Without-Pictures-On-The-Menus.

>A LARPer romance. Those dudes (and rarely chicks) who run around in parks throwing baggies of bird seed and yelling ‘INVISIBILITY SPELL!’ Having watched the documentary Monster Camp I know that what happens in game doesn’t always stay in game.

Also, why not a MMORPG romance? Write the whole thing txt style.

>I’ve been harping about this forever, but will someone PLEASE write a zombie romance novel?! I’ve gotten my hopes up with Breathers and Return of the Horny Dead but they didn’t take the opportunity to really milk the premise for what it’s worth.

I suggested a scene to S.G. Browne (author of Breathers) but I have this weird feeling he wont be using it, so it’s gift to anyone who wants to use it:

"Make love to me darling!"
"I will, my love, as soon as I find my penis. It fell off somewhere between Larry King Live and Anderson Cooper 360. I'm sure it rolled under the couch, I'll be right there, go lube up."

Do with it what you will.

>Did anyone see the Frankenstein version of Twilight they did on SNL?

Someone write THAT.

>Instead of Christian romance, why not Satanist romance novels?

Better yet, a Born-Again Christian and a Satanist can get together.

>Michael Schiefelbein wrote about a romance between a male vampire and Jesus Christ.

Someone top that.

November 4, 2009
Buy Me A Gift

My general taste has been described as odd, and to be honest, I can’t categorize it myself. I like things that are obnoxious, tacky, and goddy; but I have specific tastes within these parameters. Since the holiday season is upon us I’ve decided to make a 5 point guide in deciding what I do and do not like.

1
Sorta’ Ben & Jerry's cow folk art: No
Pink Flamingos for your lawn: Yes

The flamingos give the finger to fashion and social conformity. The cow isn’t pink.

2
Magazines for your bathroom: No
Street Fighter II wall scroll for your bathroom (that I literally used the “Okay, I’m walking away” bartering tactic to get a decent price on): Yes

You have better things to be attending to in the bathroom than flipping through some soft porn or pretentious home making magazine and Street Fighter II is the best fucking game ever.

3
Queen CDs: No
A Twisted Christmas album by Twisted Sister: Yes

There is no reason to buy Queen music, their music has imbedded itself into the Anima mundi and A Twisted Christmas would look great next to my New Kids albums.

4
Twilight: No
Blacula: Yes

Twilight is demeaning to vampires; Blacula is demeaning to everyone.

5
Bratz: No
Carl Jung action figure: Yes


One is known for their motto ‘passion for fashion’ and the other would agree with me that Bratz dolls are whores.