Euglenia Grigsby

Euglenia Grigsby was a notorious conceptual artist. She had born to inclement parents in inclement weather in inclement times. Hence she was spiritually hunchback. One of her conceptual art projects involved collecting 10,000 Facebook friends who were complete strangers to her. Once she achieved this magic number, she began making alienating comments to see how long it would be before 10,000 people unfriended her. She found out it was a much more laborious process than she had imagined it would be. The years nattered on and so did Euglenia. Her bones thinned. And so did her patience. Near the end she was typing in speeches by Hitler, David Dukes, Pat Robertson, George Bush, etc. verbatim, and was advertising her membership in such groups as "KKK Online," "I Love the Stazi," and "Kill Them All, Let Satan Sort Them Out." But there was a group of fourteen people who would just not open, like the holdout clams in a boiling pot. She managed to secure the phone numbers of eight of these individuals and began making horrible calls to them in the middle of the night. That reduced her burden to eight people. (Apparently, two of them enjoyed the obscene and abusive attention she had been giving them in the phone calls.) Word began circulating that the panel assembled to award the Turner Prize had caught wind of Euglenia's hate marathon and might consider it, should she succeed in alienating the few remaining Facebook friends. But the pressure was too great. These remaining eight friends would not be cracked by any means necessary. "I just figured you were having a bad day, Dear" one replied in an email when asked directly by Euglenia why she had not deleted her when Euglenia had posted the instructions on how to make a "dirty bomb" on her FACEBOOK profile page, and had suggested several schoolyards as "perfect targets." That was the last kindness. Euglenia had a stroke that very afternoon and died gurling her caramel macchiato in front of a very ugly art museum. Her remaining eight friends continued to post wonderful, cheering comments on her Wall long after she was dead, like "Hope you're having a better day!" and "Do you want my cheeseball recipe?" and "Am I a bad person for having my cat put down?"