Happy Bipolar Day!

I am in "a manic phase."

That's what my psychologist told me tonight when he saw me.

He said (with qualification that this was not meant to be insulting) that he wished he had a tape recorder tonight to record me so he could get a word count on my speech.

He said something about J.F.K's one figure on a speech where it was just ridiculous in terms of speed. I asked if JFK was bipolar. He said no. I tend to think yes based on things I've seen about his life.

This is probably also why I make such a great BOGGLE player on Pogo lol. Good luck beating me there. I've now learned every three letter word that the damn thing accepts so I type words that will piss you off and make you think that I'm cheating, or "a bot." I take it as a compliment. People are up all night on POGO and they're actually very nice people except for the ones who accuse you of cheating. The thing is, you type every word you know on the board, and there's usually time at the end to investigate words you didn't know existed. It feels so good when you find a seven or eight letter word that you didn't know existed, because that's such an improbable occurrence. Initially, you have serendipity with finding three letter words that you didn't know existed, but after a while you know all these. Of course, POGO is a "nice" site so they are very p.c. on which words they will accept. But oddly so. You can have "tit" because it's a bird as well as a mammary, but you can't have "tits." Even though birds can be every bit as plural as breasts. And they reject words like "faggot," etc. which is nice of them, but ever "queer" is Verboten. But you can get it with the dialect "quare." And I think "queers" is okay. I forget. I would just type it to see. Sometimes you find funny ones you didn't think it would EVER take are fine. Was it "titman?" I got the other day. I didn't google that. It's probably not what I'm thinking. There are other exceptions...where words sound "durty" but are not. It doesn't even accept "Satan." I've seen "satan" without the majuscules before, used metaphorically. Takes "ass" but not "asses." Again, donkeys can't be plural? It's very addictive and fun. I don't win all the time, as some people do use programs to cheat. And there are people who are very good competiton and we're pretty neck and neck. Almost invariably these are women. I've only ever seen one other man who's as good with both the words and typing. Women tend to be the much better typists. It's not gender training; it's probably more genetic. Here's the way to tell if someone is using a program. (Pogo'ers call them bots, but bots aren't real people. They don't seem to understand the distinction. I don't see why anybody would send a program without a person in there to do that, as there's nothing being promoted.) I type over 100 wpm when I'm going strong and I still can't break 200 for my score. I can get close to that. If anybody scores over 200, they are probably cheating. And you see scores like 485 on a rich board. Proggie! And these people will get those high scores (over 200) on every game. The program is devious though, I'm told, as you can calibrate it to only choose a certain number of words, or achieve a certain score--dumb it down. Lee told me he downloaded it and tried it a few times. Just for fun. I've never used the damn thing. I'm sure it would ruin the fun. The boards vary wildly in terms of possibilities; some board are vowel-deficient or the configuration just isn't any good for generating large numbers of words. In a way, it's like watching how evolution works...the constant searching for the tenable string. The greater the length of letters (or genetic sequence in the mutation) the less likely you will get anything usable....well over 99% of genetic mutations are lethal according to classical Darwinism. I don't really believe that, as I believe evolution has the capacity to reculer so it can sauter more profitably. I've seen good science supporting that supposition. And it would make sense. You can't keep starting over from zero. EVen with the unbelievably vast amounts of time, you can't.

It's really all about the homologies, the recycling and conservation of certain "ideas." Although of course it's human subjectivity that calls these innovations "ideas." According to classical Darwinism, there are no "ideas." That's the Ghost in the Machine type-thinking, which I actually subscribe to, after reading Koestler's book by the same name--a book which came out of his year spent in a think tank with a group of interdisciplinary thinkers. I don't think the book is a factitious outgrowth of that experience, but rather a correct synthesis of the knowledge which was shared.

It sounds crazy to say you think evolution is "somewhat directed" if still largely reliant on randomness. But I think the randomness is often from without, sometimes doubtless from within, but not always

Why would you believe you need consciousness for ideas to exist.

I understand that's sort of heretical to the materialist mainframe.

But sometims a pattern of propagation or replication, a holding pattern, a stability of some form inheres, without consciousness. Call it intel if you don't want to call it consciousness. This is where scientists argue about whether things like viruses are really alive or not. In a sense, they're purely mechanical and they're O.I.P.'s (obligate intracellular parasites--can't exist without us or whatever host) and yet you've all seen what they are what they do under electron microscopes. They're little spacecraft docking and then mechanically assembling.

This too is life.

But I'm not even talking about that level.

I mean at the molecular and submolecular level.

That intel inheres in the same way consciousness does.

Consciousness, too, is ultimately biomechanical...at the lowest substrate.

So why would you not assume that forms to rival consciousness in terms of self-perpetuation might not exist in nature.

I think we see them everywhere but the old school materialist mainframe is fucking up our science.

This should come clear in the future. Con-tin-u-um.

Anyway, I'm typing all of this very fast.

I think I'm going to be murdered soon.

Things have been happening that indicate to me that somebody is monitoring my communications.

People are telling me they are getting their emails from me many days late (yes, I'd avoid me too but I don't think it's a coordinated plan lol).

My phone has strange clicks and noises on it.

Sometimes when I pick it up the dial tone is gone and after fifteen second it is "restored."

My car was broken into last night but there is no evidence of how they got inside. They locked it up when they were done. This had to have happened in the last 24 hours as my light was still on in my glove box. All the documents were thrown on the floor as were all the other things (an Italian dictionary! Wet Wipes?!) --thrown down on the driver's side floor.

I called the police after I got back from the shrink and they didn't come out. I understand, as I didn't think it was necessary either. I only worry they might have gotten some information for identity theft. I had some mail in there.

That's if it's just junkies looking for change, credit cards, etc.

And they got the gloves I use when I'm doing the killing. A JOKE! I think that's what they think and why they are investigating me.

Whoever "they" are.

Anyway, when I tried to call AAA for road service (my key broke off in the ignition tonight too!! What a day!!!) the customer service guy there kept saying "Hello? Hello? " He couldn't hear me. I figured he was just being lazy and didn't want to take the call (I know the tricks CSRs play) but when I called back and got a female the same situation ensued.

I had to call them on Lee's cell phone to get service. I asked Lee to try the phone and it worked. Some government agency fucked up there.

There have been other things. My security light was unscrewed out back and so were two security lights of my neighbor's. That was probably in preparation for the car raid.

I hope they're satisfied now. They can run my DNA in CODIS and my prints in that other system. I forget the name. They'll see no hits.

I always am very careful. Another JOKE! I don't do crimes. I have no desire. The things I like aren't crimes, thank you very much.

I can't afford to. I'm bipolar. Bipolar people don't do well in prison. Okay, some of them do because they have devious, never-sleeping intelligence on their side. But they have to be YY chromosome or something to deal with the shit. Chopper type guys. But Chopper wasn't bipolar. I don't think anyway.

There have been other weird things going on...my mail, etc.

Somebody tried the front door one morning when the house was dark and they probably thought I was asleep. It was well locked--they made the cat stir. The porch light came on. They tried it very forcefully.

I don't really have any enemies that I know of.

Maybe it's the Blog Killer. If you diss him or her they come and get you.

That would be novel.

Craig's List has one. Why can't Blogger?

Warning: I am a pacifist and abhor violence, but when attacked I will have no problem fighting to the death. I keep weapons secreted around the house and I was never involuntarily signed in anywhere (it was all my choice) so you know that means I can purchase firearms.

So I would advise against anything if you are reading this and are the stalker.

But I don't believe it's a stalker.

I think it's a bunch of coincidences combined with a governmental agency who is mistaken about me.

They will eventually realize they don't have "the guy" and move on.

Wow. I really sound paranoid schizophrenic more than bipolar in this post.

But I'm not that.

I don't subscribe to barely any "conspiracy theories" and I laugh when I watch that show with Jesse Ventura. That's sooo awful. He's inventing that shit out of broadcloth. The agencies are being completely honest in those interviews and Jesse is jumping all over their words and mangling them to make no sense whatsoever, "YOU HEARD IT HERE, FIRST, OUT OF THEIR OWN MOUTHS!!). Umm, right Jesse.

Maybe somebody needs to go back to Interpretation School.

I don' hear voices and "see things that aren't there". Except in your writing. But that's trying to be a generous reader of your work.

Hello G-man or whoever is probably reading this and monitoring me.

I heard you on the phone tonight.

I called that guy just so you could have more avenues to research and figured that should clear your mind up about me.

And I know what you did the other night with the email situation. I didn't post that. You did. You prevailed upon that site to do that. That was posted when I was fast asleep. That was bait to see what I would do.

I know which ones are you when I get "those emails."

You have a certain tone and a cant that's not completely "au courant."

You should hire me.

I could help you with the scripting.

I have a lot of time to help you.

I have some great ideas for applied science which can be used in investigative endeavors. You're missing some great ideas.

Do you believe me? Am I bluffing to call you out of the woodwork?