I Have Decided to Title My Autobiography, Should I Ever Attempt Such a Creature....

Window Licker. Or possibly The Window Licker Life. Confessions of a Window Licker doesn't really work for me. I'm trying to "take back" the phrase window licker. I don't use it in the "shortbus sense." I use it more in the sense of "one detached from life," one experiencing life once-removed, vicariously but not vacuously, staring through the window and occasionally licking it.

And, of course, when you add the computer screen, all of us become window lickers.

Of a sort.

Don't deny it.

You're only a few inches away.

And sometimes you get the urge.

Don't deny it.

This thing's your goddamn contracile vacuole.

Just don't use Windex when you clean, and it's alright.

It's alright.

You're normal.

Well, as normal as things get on here.