Like Extras in a Bosch Painting

Here's Hell apres Hieronymius Bosch.

Sure, we all know what the art critics think and say about this painting, but what about the cast.

Let's listen in on what a few of the "cast" are saying...


"Fuck Fuck Fuck. I think I left my car keys in Purgatory!"

(Parents to children) "We've already rode the Tree Man three times and we're not going to 'go again.'"

"Is there valet parking? Anyone? Valet parking? This is a Lexus."

"They told me it was The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the door. Did they tell you it was the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the door. I feel seriously ripped off here."

"Where are all the fucking women?! This place is a sausagefest!"

"This is really embarrassing but I'm actually cold. But then I'm a tad hypothryoid..."

"I EXPECTED Axl Rose to be here, but My God I didn't know they were going to actually let him SING..."

"There's so much to see here, you can't possibly do it all in a day--it's just like Disney in Orlando."

"Hey, if you see Satan, DO NOT use the phrase, "You and whose army?" with him. He got very testy with me."

"Are you telling me we DID NOT already pass the giant severed ear three times? I'm telling you we ARE LOST. And this proves I was right. I always said even in Hell you would not shut up. Didn't I? Didn't I?"

"Does anybody know where the COMPLAINTS department is?"

"So much for 'all my exes live in Texas.' I suppose it wouldn't be Hell if..."

(Parent to child) "I told you not to go into the Lake of Fire until twenty minutes after you've eaten!"

"You think you're pissed? I had AMERICAN IDOL tickets for next Wednesday. What? Oh, THEY'RE HERE!?"

"Why is Dennis Rodman getting preferential treatment?"

"The kids? Honey, relax. I dropped them off at The John Wayne Gacy Daycare Center."

(Man to Wife) "I suppose a threesome is still out?"

"I think I picked something up off that harpy. I mean I'm pissing fire here."

"Who can sleep when you're here! It's so visually stimulating! I mean it's like Las Vegas. And I guess what happens here stays here."

"Great. I'm pregnant again. And I need Maury Povich. What, he's here? Oh, Thank God!"

"Cerberus shits everywhere and the management doesn't do a thing about it."

"Does anyone have the number for Codes?"

"I guess we don't have to use condoms anymore."