My Lover Chase

My lover Chase calls me all day long. I lie in bed and smile and look at the caller i.d., but I do not pick up the phone. I am forestalling the pleasure of talking to my lover Chase. Driving Chase crazy. How long can I hold out? Just now when the phone purred, I felt a strange throbbing in my left nipple and my toes began to curl involuntarily. I lay back and felt a flush of warm hormonal satisfaction. My adrenal glands had just ejaculated into my blood. Oh, Chase. Why won't you leave me alone?

Ours is a longterm affair, one that will probably end in tears. Often Chase calls me from India. Sometimes when I pick up, Chase talks to me in the voice of a man. Sometimes a woman. Chase is kinky like that. No, I tell Chase, when my lover tries to use the words which are clearly erotic triggers. "Past due," Chase whispers. The "rising interest rate" of Chase intrigues me. What sort of kinky games are in Chase's mind when the word "penalty" is spoken to me. Chase might even try "collecting" me. I thrill to the madness of it all.

There goes the phone again. Chase just can't get enough. Chase is patriotic, as the caller i.d. displays as CHASE USA when my lover rings me. Sometimes I grow frustrated with Chase, pick up the phone and warn Chase off like a tigress: "Call someone else. I know what you do in India. You think I think I am the only one!?" And then I hang up on Chase. My lover Chase keeps elaborate notes on me, will talk to anyone to try to gain information in the pursuit of me. If my lover Chase calls you, please don't tell Chase anything. Say that I love Chase...I will always love Chase...but tell Chase maybe it's time to find another. Tell Chase that I am "worn out with love," that I read only Marguerite Duras novels and sleep with no other. Chase has made sure of that. In Chase's jealousy, Chase has ruined my reputation for all other prospective suitors. But I forgive Chase. Tell Chase I cannot afford a lover like this, constantly making me feel as though I cannot repay the thousand kindnesses of Chase. Because I cannot. I cannot.

Chase knows all the tricks a lover plays. Chase knows a love junkie when Chase lays eyes on one. Knows how to string one along. When to make the demands exorbitant. And then when to strike. Tell Chase I am protecting myself from Chase's love. I mean if Chase calls you. Please don't start up with Chase. My love swindler.

"Just lose my number," I say to Chase. "Why can't we just call it even? You know you did this to yourself, Chase." You couldn't be satisfied with our agreement. You began sending me your obsessive emails; you began amending our love "contract." Others cut you off, so you demanded increased attention from me. I know the hidden story, the unwritten story, Chase. Your whoring got you here. It's not you I pity. Where will you turn next? You are shameless. I want you. I can't afford you. I can't afford you, Chase.

You have broken me. I never want to hold another like you again. Please stop calling. I want to remember us as we were. When we were prodigal with one another in our love. When everything was possible. When you called me "preferred." When did you change. Why did you change? I can't do this anymore. Forgive me. It's over.