The Wonders of Science. Voltaire Would be So Proud....

I don't really do potato chips.

It's one of about ten foods I stopped liking last year.

I tried to dislike and stop eating the unhealthiest foods that make their way into this house, and for the most part I did.

But I love baked potatoes.

I'll put anything on a baked potato.

A baked potato isn't finished, if it doesn't have lots of fresh garlic chopped up and thrown into it.

Who needs sour cream or even light sour cream when you have artificial spray butter. 0 calores, 0 fat, 0 guilt. Sometimes I just pick it up and start spraying it in my mouth like a breath spray.

You can do that.

A1 and mushrooms are also good on a baked potato.

Once, many years ago when I was on a diet I read this list of cheerful diet tips that included advice to substitute yogurt for sour cream in a baked potato.

You'd think I would have known better.

But I did it.

That's one of the dumbest ideas I ever gave into that didn't have anything to do with sex or losing great sums of money.

That yogurt potato is long a-mouldering in its grave like John Brown's Body...in a landfill somewhere.

Yuck.

Anyway, I found this funny AS SEEN ON TV type product saying you could make potato chips in your microwave.

So here you might be getting a chance to see me engaging in yet another really dumb idea.

I'm not sure it's going to work at all.

But I want to try it.

Because it's the "healthy way to make potato chips..no oil, no frying..."

I know the packaging is hideous. I love it.

I'm not sure if it's from the eighties or nineties.

These AS SEEN ON TV type products are almost always unopened in the thrift stores.

Most people get them as presents, I'm guessing, and regift them to the only appropriate place: a thrift store.

I figured I'd give it a shot for 1.91.

I figured Lee's daughter might get a kick out of this.

They also had unopened two identical boxes of a product produced through Corning...it was this thin glass cylinder that rested on a stainless steel armature. You put the dough inside it and made the bread in the oven (after you greased the tube).

It was to keep the bread from losing its beautiful cylindrical shape when it rose.

It was too quixotic for me and who the fuck bakes bread unless they're going through a nervous breakdown or a divorce? Or if you're Amish. Then I understand.

I thought about buying one and getting condoms and putting them inside it and telling Lee to advertise it as a condom dispenser on EBAY.

I wonder if EBAY would have banned it.

I don't think they can because you're not selling the condoms.

It's just a SUGGESTED USE like you see on the back of food products.

It had that creepy early 80s bachelor pad aesthetic.

I mean if you didn't imagine it as something for bread.

It would be something in a drug dealer's house on Miama Vice.