Toothpaste

Toothpaste is not a sexual lubricant. Toothpaste is a sexual lubricant with a grudge. Guava jelly is not a sexual lubricant. Guava jelly is a sexual lubricant for shits and giggles, for entertainment purposes only. Saliva is a sexual lubricant. Saliva is a sexual lubricant that says I am interested in what you have been doing for the last ten to twenty years and the next twenty years. Or else I am very drunk. Or this is prison sex. Some men have prison sex with their wives. Some wives have prison sex with their husbands. Sometimes prisoners engage in a menage a trois and pretend that it is spice. Like bringing home a pumpkin pie to surprise somebody. Honey, I picked up a thug on the way home. Oh fine, put him on the dining room table. Somebody is probably drowning, though, or somebody is just a slut who isn't comfortable with being a slut and needs to grow up before their childhood has a body count. Language is not a sexual lubricant. Language is a sexual lubricant for the more experienced players. Because we're going to pretend. That there is something lubricating. You lubricate yourself. You self-lubricate. Men do it. Women do it. Different places. But toothpaste? You're either fourteen or patarded. Fluoridated orifices. I think it has bleach. This isn't even on the fetish Rolodex. Get a real pathology.