Travis Jeppesen Invited You to the Event VD @ PORK!!!!

I can't go to any FACEBOOK events. Ever.

I don't live near any of you, and even if I did, I still couldn't go. I'm constitutionally unable. My fragile psyche. And all that shit.

My mind is like tissue paper. And you'd just blow your nose all over it.

Well, some of you would.

But I have to say Travis Jeppesen's events always sound like a hell of a temptation.

They have these absolutely wonderful, horribly vile names that really sound right up my twisted little mind's alley.

I think I would put on three layers of disguise and actually go.

To at least one or two of these things.

I'd just take a lot of drugs first and wear sunglasses, scarves, etc.

I'd look like the Michelin Man with Michael Jackson syndrome, but I might have fun.

Now I'm pissed because I wish I had saved all the invitations so I could combine them into a found poem.

Because they all have these fabulous, mind-ghetto titles which make you squirm in your little FACEBOOK chair.

Travis is frighteningly interesting as an artist.

Even his name.

At first I thought he was the son of that one scholar who wrote a book on linguistics which is sitting somewhere around here.

But I think the surname's off by a letter.

A shame. Because I liked imaginging the sexy Prodgial Son scenes of horror and disappointment when the two confronted each other.